Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Saturday, June 30, 2007


We killed the birds, and who knew that inside of birds there are tennis balls! AMAZING! I wonder why when mom buys those whole chickens from the store she doesn't give us the ball that is inside??? Probably because she is mean. I know for sure she is mean because she went to lunch at a BBQ place with her friend who is King of Sparkle and he brought Princess Sparkle RIB BONES to eat and what did Mom bring us?? NOTHING!!! She said those would 'upset my stomach' and that I just got over being sick, WHATEVER!

So anyway, here is the red bird:


Here is the ball that was in his stomach. The doof loves tennis balls.

This picture is out of focus but Mom likes it so I will let her put it up here even though she is SO FREAKIN MEAN to me.

I followed your advice and took that stupid bird out there to warn all the other stupid birds that I WILL get the tennis ball out of their stomach if they come anywhere NEAR my butt again! I swear, Mom didn't even take this outside, we did it because you guys told us to!!!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

toughest around

I would like you to view this video and then realize that I am THAT angry at my UNCLE, imagine if a stranger came near my window. I would ATTACK AND KILL!! (editors note from Mom, unless he was sleeping or if the intruder had treats)

So you guys remember how SOME editor who has a big mouth lately told you about the birds that used to bite me? WELL, I got some revenge!!

Check out these birds that Mom found, I bet these guys won't be getting away from me anytime soon!!

Crazy doofus went right in on the attack...

Until he realized I had my own bird, which means he wants the bird that I have. It always works this way!

I had the red bird!

But then, as usual, Tanner and I switched. First we bark at each other for a while THEN we switch!

So crazy eyes gets the red bird and I go to work on the blue one.


Hey, get back here you stupid bird!!!

DOOFUS that is MY bird!!

Oh well, I have learned its better to just let the Doofus have what he wants.

I am going to hide under this cushion and bite this red bird's butt until he begs for mercy!!!!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

step off I'm doing the hump

So I hope you are all entering Jackson's Moustache and Beard contest because we are so excited for it! Wait until you see our entry you will just LOVE it. That guy Jeff who has the Princess Sparkle (does that make him King Sparkle?) is helping Mom with our entry because she doesn't know a THING about photoshop or any of that crap. We are so excited because even if we lose the picture is going to make you laugh your head off.

Now, on to something that is not even remotely funny. Sensitive dogs should turn away at this time.

YES that is me in the bathtub and I think Dad is trying to crush my brains!!! We got baths the other night and it was horrible as usual. On top of that Mom cut our nails, I must admit that I cried like a girl but that is just because I cannot STAND this horrible treatment and I KNOW that this is the only way to get sympathy (and treats).

Look at the sad, pathetic Doofus!

I think he hates it worse than me!

Afterward he had the NERVE to sniff me and tell Mom that he thought I needed to go back in for another round! What a BRAT!

Stay tuned tomorrow, I finally got revenge on those birds that peck me in the butt...just you wait!

PS We will catch up on the other dog blogs later this evening, Mom has to go eat somewhere WITHOUT us.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

tanner day all day what a daaay!!

1. Your age?

2. Your age when came to live with your people?
I was 2 years when I drove in the car to Arizona from OHIO.

3. What color is the collar you’re wearing right now?
It was like really nice blue and white and now its like brown and blue and white with some black and some other colors from the yard.

4. Who is your favorite person other than the people you live with?
OMG AUNT PATTY who got me out of dogjail and let me live in her house with her million other dogs and cats and uncle dick who has a beard that would win the beard contest that jackson is having on his blog if only he was a dog too!

5. How much do you weigh?
23 lbs and Joey said that is fat.

6. Most expensive thing you’ve ever chewed up?
woah, who KNOWS what I chewed at the OTHER house I lived at but so far I ate some button cord things for the game machine that hooks to the TV and I ate my uncles hat once.

7. Do you like other Dogs?
I LOVE other DOGS especially LILLIE.

8. Who is your best non-human friend?

9. Squeaky Toys or Tennis Balls?
Squeaker toys for playing Tennis Balls for shredding into 2058 million itty bitty pieces that makes Moms mad!

10. Do you like to be brushed?
what? I don't know?

11. Peanut Butter or Cheese?
Holy SHI...CRAP I love them both so much do you have some for me if I finish all these questions?!

12. Do your people cut your nails?
LAST NIGHT they did this to me and I was like WTF PEOPLE this is like the crueltyness of animals and you should go to JAIL and hope AUnt PATTY can come get YOU out too!

13. Any formal education?
I learn a lot from JOEY and I came to my house already knowing SIT and SHAKE and um, that is about it. OH And I learn LOTS from TV!

14. Couch potato or Energizer Bunny?

15. Five nicknames your people call you.
Tanno, Nanno, Nanner, NANO TECH, TEKKEN, LOG, Fat Log, Loggy, Tiny, Littles, how many is FIVE am I done? Sometimes I hear something called DOOFUS but I think that is just like Spanish for TANNER. I should ask that LIberty Princess Sparkle dog who is Mexican, maybe she knows?

16. What is your best trick?
Hmmm, I can um, I fall out of bed a lot!

17. Do you like kitties?
Oh yes I jsut love them!

18. What did you have for breakfast?
Brown food in my bowl

19. Can you hunt (aka have you ever killed anything living)? If so, what?
I one time got this bird and I put it in Mom and DADs bedroom and they said OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH TANNER WE LOVE IT. I think that is what they said?

20. When & why was the last time you went to the V.E.T.?
I have to go get my butt squeezed when it starts to smell like fish, so that was like NOT so Long AGO and Joey went too and sat out sided and made funs of me!!

21. Where do you sleep at night?
Oh right next to My MOMMY like right next, until I fall out :(

22. Do you like to swim?
I dont think so?

23. Can you make puppies?
I don't know, how do you do it? IS that like making POOPIES? i Can do that good!

24. Your favorite place to visit?
Grandma and Grandpa's house and then this shop my frind has called Chad who they always bring their dogs to work and we run around and then in the back is this big area full of poop and I love to eat it and then mom says NOOO and I say, whatever.

25. Do you give kisses?

26. Can you potty on command?

27. To Cuz or not to Cuz?
I looove the CUZs that JOey lets me play with, but they are his and that is one thing I have learned since my education with JOEY started!

Here is a picture so you don't forget what I look like. THis is called playing with JOEY!

Monday, June 25, 2007

trapped in the house

So it is really hot here, so we hang out in the house a LOT, which tends to get boring so we tend to bark and run around a lot. I find this acceptable, but the humans here don't. I guess they better find some earplugs or something!

Ok so here is that question list everyone has been doing. Tomorrow, Tanner answers. Help us all!

1. Your age?
8 Years Young

2. Your age when came to live with your people?
8 Weeks, well Dad at 8 weeks. Dad didn't find Mom until I was 1 year old.

3. What color is the collar you’re wearing right now?
Blue, green and black checkered

4. Who is your favorite person other than the people you live with?
Oh definitely Grandpa Gary, I love him so much.

5. How much do you weigh?
20 lbs

6. Most expensive thing you’ve ever chewed up?
I ate an entire couch, down to the wood. I ate a Ralph Lauren bed set. I chewed on some really nice chairs and tables. I ate about 3 square feet of carpet down to the cement. Umm, should I continue to remind people why crate training is SO very important?

7. Do you like other Dogs?
Sometimes. I LOVE big dogs, and I love humping, but beyond that I would rather be left alone.

8. Who is your best non-human friend?
My rat terrier friend, Rog.

9. Squeaky Toys or Tennis Balls?
Squeakies, definitely.

10. Do you like to be brushed?
I don't mind it, I don't need it often though because I have short hair.

11. Peanut Butter or Cheese?
I can hear a package of cheese being opened a mile away.

12. Do your people cut your nails?
yes, unfortunately. I cry out in utter pain even when it doesn't really hurt, just to make them feel really bad.

13. Any formal education?
Heck no, I do what I want when I want.

14. Couch potato or Energizer Bunny?
Depends, I have my moments of extreme terrorist attack.

15. Five nicknames your people call you.
The BEST, Brains, G-man, Buds, Budly

16. What is your best trick?
Barking at the people in the kitchen and jumping straight in the air until they give me a treat.

17. Do you like kitties?
No way.

18. What did you have for breakfast?
Canidae. Dinner is our fancy meal around here.

19. Can you hunt (aka have you ever killed anything living)? If so, what?
I do not participate in such silliness. (editor's note from Mom, Joey used to get dive bombed by birds who would peck him on his behind and he tried every day to get those darn birds but he was never quite fast enough)

20. When & why was the last time you went to the V.E.T.?
I went with the Doofus when he last got his butt juiced, but I just hung out in the grass outside peeing. Last time I went for myself was several months ago for my rabies shot.

21. Where do you sleep at night?
In the human bed pressed against Mom's leg.

22. Do you like to swim?
Absolutely positively NOT

23. Can you make puppies?
No sir, I was remedied of that ability a long time ago!

24. Your favorite place to visit?
Grandma and Grandpa's house.

25. Do you give kisses?
Oh yes, I particularly like sticking my tongue up humans' noses.

26. Can you potty on command?
Why in the world would I need to do that?

27. To Cuz or not to Cuz?
This one should be obvious, but in case you need an affirmation:


Sunday, June 24, 2007

so hot in here

So today was a little bit more exciting because we had FROSTY PAWS!

It was a scorcher, so Mom busted out the ice cream for us.

Oh it hit the spot!

Standing on the plate makes eating much easier, the Doofus just ran off with his.

This stuff is SO good. Thanks again to Nanook for the recipe!

The Doof likes his with a little grass on it.

He tried to do a Wally and swallow the whole thing, but it came right back up. He is so special.

Then it was on to some resting. We had a friend stay over so there was good resting material on the couch.

Well guys, I hope you are cooler where you are than here in the desert! Tomorrow I will answer those questions everyone has been doing, then Tuesday Tanner will answer. This should be interesting.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

I am still alive!

So Mom has been lazy and not updating my blog and that sucks. But I am still alive, never fear. We haven't been doing much around here to talk about anyway.

I forgot that I never shared this awesome photo my friend Chance's Mom made, I just love it. Thanks Chance!

I hope to have something more exciting to post soon!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

confessions of a teenage doofus

So I am feeling better, my stomach is mostly back to normal and Mom gave us pumpkin for dinner which is supposed to help firm things up if you know what I mean!

The most exciting thing happened today, Mom got an email from someone named Casey who said that MY blog is featured on Animal!!! Can you believe that! I am at the very bottom as the featured blog. I know some of my blog pals are on that site too so I was very honored! If you don't know what it is, its the internet run by animals! GENIUS!

So Tanner confessed to all this stuff, right? Well he did not confess to being a Doofus but that is because it is totally obvious! If you were considering changing your mind because he makes you laugh so hard, I submit the following for your judgement.

Earlier Mom was slicing carrots for salads and treats for us when one went FLYING off the counter...

Tanner sure couldn't figure out where it went. GEE GUYS DO YOU SEE THE CARROT?! He walked around that (dirty) kitchen floor for 10 minutes before Mom finally pulled it off of him. Luckily I was in the TV room guarding the house otherwise I would have eaten it right off his back! I only beg in the kitchen when meat or cheese is involved.

So, my friends, a lot of you say how much you LOVE the Doofus, but could you seriously live with him and his specialness??

You have to keep one eye on the little doof at all times!!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Confessions of Tanner

YAY its the TUESDAY again and I can say WHATSSSUPP to you all even though I totally said whatsup YESTERDAYS and some other day that was not a Tuesday but that is only because Joey had bad poopies and was feeling like a sickerest dog. BUT he seems a little better today BUT its tuesday and he CANT be on this blog on Tuesdays. OK?

So I called this one a CONFESSIONS blog because I want to tell some SECRETS that I want to be confessing of because I think that if we are all to be best doggy friends that we need to be totally honest and say all the truths about us OK?

boston in a bottle
This one time I got TRAPPED inside a wine bottle! OMG THIS IS SO FUNNY this one is a LIE and I just said I was only doing truths, but this is so funny of a picture where it looks like a nice Chardonnay De Tanner vintage 2006!! LOL!!!

I HATE HATS and I WILL fall down if you put one on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tanner and his doofus face
One of my favoritest games is, See how big of something I can fit into my mouth! This game is fun but sometimes I go GAAAAA GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and then Mom says TANNER STOP IT. She doesn't like games I guess??

Tanner watches the food network with me...
I love that FOOD channel on the TV box. I watch it like SO good and my favorite is Emeril and because he YELLS a lot and I LOVE TO YELL even though you all say its not nice to yell but that EMEREAL says BAM and KICK IT UP and he makes like 230 million dollars a year all for yelling and I think that is the best job you can have like making some good food then yelling about it!

Finally I would like to confess that one night at MIDNIGHT my princess charming lillie not of sparkle liberty and I had a date and then I did not get home in time and I turned into a PUMPKIN.

OMG LOL THIS ONE IS A LIE TOO, but its funny and I like to make laughing dogs and this is a truth that the shirt came from my aunt and then I went outside in it and because it was too big I PEED all through the inside of the shirt LOL!

Do you doggies have a confessions for me????

Monday, June 18, 2007

no fun here


Oh, just kidding. Mom said that is not a funny joke, but maybe she just doesnt understand my brand of humor.

Well, yesterday we went to the grandpa's house for that Father's Day junk and the grandma was putting away food that they had made on the grill when all of the sudden the greatest moment in history happened. It was like slow motion, I heard her say OH NO and then in the air flying right toward my mouth was a delicious all beef Nathan's hot dog. I snagged that sucker mid air and then WHAM shark attack the doofus steals half of it!!! But my goodness that one half of that deliciously grilled juicy beef hot dog was the best thing EVER. Then Mom said ooh no. I said, what is your problem lady. She seemed to think this was going to make us have a belly ache.

Well I hate to admit it here folks, but it sure did.

I don't feel so good today. I don't understand how something that tasted so GOOD could do me so wrong.

Then here comes Tanner and you know what he said, well, here I am not feeling so good so I will just let him tell you.

OMDOG Joey was like HEY GREAT GRAM I am the cuterest and you should probably give me some CHEESE. she said OK. Then he said, hey UNCLE I like that hamburger can I have some of that!? ANd Joey said

Yum I like that, and was like this all licking his face!

THen!!! He was like hey GrANDPA I like that bun if you're not eating it and Grandpa said OK!

ANd JoEY said WOOHOO I LOVE ME SOME FOOD! But he didn't do this upside down thing he hates upside down but this is how so excited he was.

Now he has bad poopies and is sad.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Happy Father's Day

It is father's day! Happy father's day to the dads out there. I have never been a dad because they took away my dad making material when I was little.

I have to go back to protecting the house now!

For some reason Mom is letting the DOOFUS write on SUNDAY. It is NOT Tanner sunday and will NOT be in the future but apparently he has something to say.

WHATTTSSSSSUUUUUP People! Can you see me in this picture????

This is my new spot for being the hiderest, I hide in here with my blankies. AND I hide my most favoritest toys in here so that the Joey cannot see them and then they are just mine not his. I just HAD to show you guys becase its like the funnest place to go and be hiding by myself and MOM cant always figure out where I am and then she goes OMG where is that TANNER is he outside and then she thinks my brains have melted inside my head because she left me outside like the worst mom in the whole world. but she would not do that because she is a nice mom who makes me ices creams and shares them with lots of other dogs who are not me so maybe she is not the nicest to me she is the nicest to everyone who she likes?

OMG ok thanks happy fathers day I have no boy parts anymore to make babies so I cant be a dad but I still like dads. ok.

Friday, June 15, 2007


Nothing says Friday like a good game of BITEY FACE! Dad made us mad spraying that window and we go CRAZY! Mom yells at us like we might actually bite each other, but in almost 2 years we haven't yet!!

ENJOY my shark like mouth!!!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

thursday comes again

So you may wonder what has us sitting so nicely with our bright eyes shining??? Did someone put a pizza on the ceiling? Are there birds made of cheese in our living room? NOPE...

NEW TOYS!!!!!!!

Tanner got some toy for bad breath and dirty teeth. Of course he tried to high five it and yelled his stupid WHATSSUP!

He sure does like that thing tho!

Maybe even a little TOO much?

My turn!!


OMDOG I am so HAPPY! I love this toy! thank you Mom!!!!!

This toy is really fun and is made for POWERFUL dogs, not stinky bad breath having pink bone chewing dogs!

Ok here is what you have to pay attention to in this video. At the very end, I am trying to water the bush and what does doofus face do but run RIGHT INTO WHERE I WAS PEEING! He does this ALL the time? He is seriously messed up in the head!!

This video is a little dark, excuse my Mom who is a bad cinematographer! In the beginning you will see I want to play with Mom, but the DOOF keeps trying to get in on the fun. Finally I let him just have the want to know why?? Check out the photo below this video!

Look at this. The Doofus actually learned something. I am almost, well, ok I AM proud of him! He followed my advice and is relaxing on that big fluffy hugging me arm pillow of dad's!!

So the Doof has both toys for now (and the blue dog wally got us) but I will get mine back VERY soon!