Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Saturday, January 31, 2009

SO NERVOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

Omdog we are going to my Grandparent's house for the big game and I don't think I am going to sleep tonight because I am SO NERVOUS!!!

We have everything we need...our Terrible Towels, our snacks, our Pittsburgh streamers, our rope toy, our bandanas... (Tanner's Doofus dot is finally getting smaller! it may not look like it so much here, but Mom can tell it is getting flatter and smaller!!)

Tanner is so nervous he wants to hide behind me until at least half time...and you can just see the look on my face, not the usual confident and handsome Stains.

I will be back on Monday guys, wish my Steelers luck!!! OMDOG!!!!!!!!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Getting ready for the game...

Sorry we haven't been around as much but we are preparing for the HUGE game!

Tanner is sharpening his shank, I told him that shanks are not allowed in the game, but he has a one track mind. I am in the background meditating on the game, like Mango!

I know I might get called into the game on Sunday so I am practicing several moves and positions. Here I am holding for the kicker, gotta have the laces out!!!

Here I am practicing drawing Dad Off Sides. Did you see him flinch first!! I GOT HIM! For that we got a treat. Tanner was clearly not in position at ALL but he got a treat too.

Finally I am practicing my running back skills...

NOBODY is going to catch me!!!


Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Enough of that STUPID DOT!

I am so sick of that gross stupid dot on Tanner's face. There are so many more things we need to talk about. We are sending some healing vibes to Randi, Sunny and Scooter's Mom and gram, Axel's Mom and we are doing a little promotion for our friends in GooberStan. Stella the Lakie found her big brother is in a shelter and we'd like to spread the word to help him get adopted...

Click here to find out more about him.

The Super Bowl is just a couple of days away and I am so so nervous. I don't know what I will do if MY Steelers lose to the AZ Cardinals!?! They are the WORST, argh. Lots of people are asking Mom what team she is cheering for since she has lived in AZ for 12 years. ARE YOU KIDDING?! Of COURSE she is cheering for the Steelers!!

Look at what we got in the mail from our Aunt's friend in PA...

We can't wait to snack on these during the game, how cool!!


While Tanner has been growing a festering nasty dot on his face, I have been growing something too...

Remember this guy, my hero Troy, with the pawesome hair...

Check THIS out...


With this hair and my pawesome cheering, there is NO WAY my Steelers can lose...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Tanner DOT DAY

Whatsssssssssssuuuuuupppppppppp guys!! Its me TAN Torkelson! Joey is like ALL worried that this dot on my face is going to totally SPLODE on him, or WORSE, start turning into another Tanner!!

You see him back there?! LOL... I THINK HE IS SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!! Mom said my dot looks OUCHY but I sure don't seem to mind it at all. I am eating and playing and having as much FUN as usual!!! The VET said its going to look grosser before it gets better, so we are staying conf.. uh confy... um we are pretty sure its going to be OK!

JOEY totally looks worried...maybe I should creep up when he is sleeping and whisper some stuff in his ear...ya think??? lol!!!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Outdoor fun...

We know it is cold and miserable for a lot of you guys so I thought we could share some pics of us in the yard and maybe the sunshine will warm you up a bit.

We recently got this thing...

Its a bird feeder. Mom rations our food and treats yet she puts a feeder out there for stinkin birds to eat whenever they want? WTF??

These little dudes constantly have to watch their back because there is this bully bird that comes and kicks he and his buddies out all the time. Its pretty cool watching them interact.

Mom thought Tanner might like to play with this ring toy...

I dunno who she thinks we are? Does she think we are labradudes like Mango's brother pee wee?? Tanner looked like he was going to comply with Mom's silly game so I had to run in there and break it up before he made me look bad.

We have also been spending lots of time outside because I am a little worried about that Dot on Tanner's face totally exploding, or worse, taking on a personality of its own. Lots of dogs are saying I should watch out for stuff like that...yikes!!!

I dunno guys...does it look likes its growing a mouth to you????

Uh oh, I don't like that look at all...Tanner is up to something...

I am outta here...

Friday, January 23, 2009

Tan Torkelson Reporting...

It is ME Tan Torkelson reporting after going to that VET. I totally thought I was going to go in there and that vet would be like, Tan Torkelson you are about to star in an exciting movie...

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A movie where they rip my FACE OFF!!

But instead they looked at my Chart and it said that the thing I had on my LEG before was an ALL Serrated His Tea-o-site-oma. (Note from Mom: Ulcerated Histiocytoma) Which is not a bad bump, just a bump that would go away all by itself. So HE said I am going to STICK A NEEDLE IN MY FACE to see if he can tell what it was. A NEEDLE IN MY FACE guys?!?!?!??!! WTFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!! I put up a good fight, so he was not able to get much out of it that was useful. SO now I am starring in this movie...

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I get to wait, and see what happens. Because I am SO YOUNG he doesn't expect it to be anything BAD and it should just start to go away. BUT he said it will probably get UGLIER before it gets better. WTF dude, who are you calling UGLY?!!!! I guess that is GOOD news and now we just have to be PATIENT! Not Patience, that is the whippet waggle's servant and I dunno if I would want to be her because I'd probably screw up and end up losing one of the whippets somewhere!!

ANYWAY so dudes, I don't want my smart dot to go away but I guess I HAVE to or else they will surgerize my FACE off. SO send me some going away dot vibes OK?!

Note from Mom: For new readers, Tanner had an ulcerated histiocytoma on his leg 2 years ago which was removed to be sent to the lab for diagnosis. Since that is all it was the Vet is pretty confident that is what he has on his face. Because it is in such a precarious spot, having it removed would be very hard so we are just going to keep an eye on it for a couple of weeks. All healing vibes, prayers, thoughts, etc are appreciated!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Stinkin DOT!

I am getting pretty sick of hearing about Tanner and his stinking dot face. I mean, its just gross if you ask me...

I mean ewwww right??

I complained to my Mom about it and she said she thought she could find something much funnier to put on the blog...


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Would you call THIS GUY a Doofus???

WHATSSSSSUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Guys!! It is TAN TORKELSON DAY! I am sooo not happy because like I have to go to that VET on FRIDAY to see about this cool bump I grew recently.

WELL I gotta say I think I found a way to be SURE they do not want to surgerize my FACE and steal my Dot!!!

You guys all know this dude right???

WHATSSSSSSSUUUUUPPPPPPPPPP New President Bare Rock Obomba!!!!!!

Well take a closer look at that guy...
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Can you see it?? OMDOG its a totally COOL awesome Smart Guy dot!!!

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Oh ya, silly VET, just try and take it away now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will totally call the SECRET SERVICABLES!!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Why do I love the Steelers??

Some dogs have asked why I love the Steelers since I live in AZ? Well, my Mom was born in a teeny tiny town in Western PA and grew up watching the Steelers and loving them. Even though she has lived in Arizona for 12 years, she still LOVES her Steelers. Once a Steelers fan, ALWAYS a Steelers fan.

In honor of my team I put together the following movie...

Pittsburgh Steelers Polka from Rhonda on Vimeo.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


Sorry to my friends who wanted the Eagles to win, but...


Thanks to this guy and the excellent play of MY team, we are going to kill those Cardinals!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am sorry to report that I had to return the AZ Cardinals cheerleaders because Mom is really NOT happy...

I think the trouble started when they broke this thing out... (Lacie, how come you don't have one of these???)

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Then we woke up the next morning to see this...

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Then Tanner barfed.


Well, I am going to go help clean up and then watch the BIG games. GO STEELERS!!!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Its almost time for football!!!

So a lot of my DWB pals are rooting for the Philadelphia Eagles who are playing this weekend HERE in Arizona. They are playing the Cardinals who have always been TERRIBLE, but somehow they are doing great in the playoffs.

I want to help my friends out so I totally kidnapped the AZ Cardinals cheerleaders!! How can they win without their cheerleaders!!???

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What a sacrifice I have made for my friends!!! I hope you guys appreciate it because it sure is tough hanging out with all these babes, er I mean lovely and smart ladies. Speaking of lovely and smart ladies...

Lacie was responsible for a most tremendous stain on her Mom's bed, but because she is uh such a um LADY, she is not eligible for the stain award. (that and I really don't need her even MORE ticked off at me!!) If you want you can go read about her stain, but you HAVE to go see the banner on their page...

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Thursday, January 15, 2009

Grill mysteries...

We have this thing at our house called Char Broil. It looks like this...

the beast
Kinda plain looking, not too handsome, but it does something amazing...

You put meat and stuff in it and it comes out looking like this...

Grilled Steak, Grilled Portabello Mushroom, Steak sauce and Spinach salad

Mom seems to know how to use it and she makes it look so easy...but I can't figure it out??

I took my new chicken buddy that Sophie sent me out to meet Char Broil.

I told him you just turn some knobby thing here and click some button and then put the food in. He got SUPER uncomfortable and BEGGED me to take him back in the house. I was like, what is your problem chicken dude...

Then he showed me this...

Smoky Grilled Butterflied Chicken
UHH woops, sorry dude. Mom said I need to stay away from the grill and work on my sensitivity to my edible friends.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

NMom in the HOUSE!!!

omdog, tonight when Mom and Dad came home from work they had someone else with them...a nice lady who smelled like the most pawesome Basset Hound ever to run for president...


NMom came to Phoenix for some work junk and she came over to meet ME!!! ok, and Tanner too, but mostly me. I just wish she could have brought my buddy Ernest too!

She brought us some treats and she brought Mom some treats too from Seattle. She was super nice and didn't get too upset when I tried to hump her arm. She also called me handsome at least 3 times, so she is definitely welcome to come back ANYTIME! Maybe next time she can bring Ernest too!!!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Tan Torkelson is a beauty...

SO like Joey pointed out my so called DOOFUS DOT or ZIT as some called it. I don't know what the BIG deal is... this is a BEAUTY mark!?!!!

Look at how GOOD I look...does it remind you of anyone????


I heard that I might have to go to the VET next Friday if it doesn't get smaller, WTF?!?! Joe said they already made the APPOINTMENT?! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tan Torkelson does NOT like the VET?!!! I want to keep my Beauty Mark and become a SUPER MODEL!!!!!!!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Doofus Dot

You guys are used to my very handsome face here...

But you may have noticed something different on Tanner's face...

He seems to have grown another doofus dot on his face. It is just a big pink dot, and it doesn't hurt him and its not crusty or anything, its just a bump.

SO Tanner is probably going to the vet soon to find out what this latest growth is he is sporting. The last bump he had was crusty and black so they removed it...

still wants to guard the door

We are hoping the Doof doesn't have to have that done again :(

Sunday, January 11, 2009


The Steelers won!!!

I was so nervous at the beginning I could barely watch!!

Then Tanner turned into the Super Stiller Tanner and it turned things around for them and they started to DOMINATE!!

Mom said that we did NOT get the bacon and I was about to get really ticked off when she pulled these out...

MOO TUBES?!?!!!!

If you aren't familiar, its cow trachea, YUM!!!!!!

I gave it a good sniff...

And dove right in!!

Tanner went from Super Stiller Tanner to complete Doofus Face in 3 seconds flat...

Please remember we are NOT related by blood...


Saturday, January 10, 2009


Tomorrow is the big game. I am going to watch the AZ Cardinals tonight, and this is probably what I will look like...

I will probably be laughing because the Cardinals ALWAYS manage to blow it!!

So ready for the playoffs...
Tanner and I are all ready!!!

BUT if something goes wrong, and SOMEHOW the Steelers lose, I made Mom prepare this to console me...

Lets hope I don't have to eat that, maybe I need to go back to Mom and renegotiate the bacon terms...