Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Thanks to all

Aunt Patty wanted to say thanks to everypup out there who sent their encouragement and thoughts. Chief is still hanging in there, so your thoughts are obviously working for him.

To do my part I figured I better keep on being funny and entertaining. What, may I ask, is funnier than a pile of poop in front of the TV? I can't think of anything, so that is exactly what I left Mom and Dad while they were at work today. I have not gone poop in the house since we got Tanner, so Mom is sure that it had something to do with the cold and rainy weather today. However, I simply did it because its funny and everyone likes a good laugh, right? WRONG! Mom and Dad were NOT happy with me :( I swear, I can never tell what these humans want from one day to the next.

Does this look like the face of someone who would intentionally make Mom and Dad mad? I don't think so!

In other great news, Mom and Dad are getting a BIGGER bed tomorrow! Of course this is for my comfort as the bed is called a KING bed, and I am surely the King in this house!!!

let sleeping dogs lie
As you can see the current bed is not big enough because no matter where I go, the Doofus is never far behind.

In one corner, Joe the other Tanner Doofus
Plus, the old bed was not big enough for real battle...

joey and tanner
I never can get any rest with the Doofus around

And hopefully with this new bed Mom doesn't buy anymore PINK crap. PINK!!

Monday, January 29, 2007

moo and boohoo :(

SO my Mom said that Aunt Patty has been sad lately, so I am going to do my very best to cheer her up. Our cousin Chief has a tumor in his heart, no not from hanging out with cats, but from just being old. He is in his mid teens and that is pretty old for a dog his size. There is not much they can do for him, so I hope that everyone here can send some thoughts and tail wags to Aunt Patty, Chief and the rest of the family. He is a sweet old man and we all love him.

Mom is sad too, but she said that I always have a way of making her feel better, so that I should just be myself and try to cheer up Aunt Patty. I certainly do not need encouragement to be my usual self, but when a giant stuffed cow comes into the picture, its just too easy.

What in the heck is that thing??? Doofus, take a look?!

the tag said it was filled with paper
Yes, we are wearing fleece vests, and yes mom tried to fix the dumb cat house.

We immediately begin DESTRUCTION MODE on the cow, because that thing is in OUR house. Our uncle points out Mom's greatest fear...even though the tag said that Mr Moo was stuffed with paper...he was actually stuffed with styrofoam! Tanner loses his grip when the ear he was biting ripped off of the cow and then I attempted to get on the couch, but was REJECTED back to the floor.

I knew we were going to destroy this cow, so I had two very important things to take care of before we did. 1. Sweet lovin with the cow. 2. Ripping the darn tag off!!
Our uncle held the doofus while I accomplished these two very important tasks.

did it snow in the living room
Once the hole got too big Mom took Mr Moo out to the garbage and our fun was over. But not Mom's! She got to vacuum! I told her it just looked like snow and to leave it, but she didn't think that was funny.

I guess that is what you get for buying us a toy at the thrift store, you can't expect the label to be 100% accurate!!!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

bark bark bark

Hello friends! I hope you are all having a great weekend! We are just relaxing around here, but my mom is going to see something called HOCKEY tonight and leaving us at home. She is seeing Penguins play Coyotes, DUH, I am sure I would know who would win that, but whatever.

So my mom put a BARK Box thing on the side over there if you want to send me a quick bark!

Mom has been saying how its not fair that I always post about Tanner's Doofus face so she decided to post some of my not so flattering moments. I swear this woman is just plain mean sometimes.

I shouldn't have had that last beer.....
Ok, I don't know what is going on here. I swear I have never done drugs...

This is just Cuz BLISS. I hear Simba hates his cuz, I just don't get it!!!

We're out of CHEESE???
I believe this is when Mom told me that there was another dog coming to live with us, or maybe we were just out of cheese.

It makes me so MAD!!
Again, the Cuz, they make me do things I cannot explain

I need a dentist.  I have some funk in my teeth.
Finally, the ultimate humiliation. Yes, my teeth are tiny and weird and I had some serious FUNK stuck in them in this photo.

I am off to find something to eat of mom's. Feel free to bark it up in my bark box about how mean my mom is.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

oh my gosh, ANOTHER great day

Today, Mom came home from work with more papers and this time she also had a BOX! I figured, since it was Joey Palooza, it had to be for me. But mom showed us, it said this:

Picture 253
A package for the DOOFUS?! His birthday is not until September! Mom pointed at what is called the return address and it said it was from Chief Walsh. Chief is our cousin you saw in the picture snuggling with the cat! I hope its not a cat in the box!!!!!!!!!

Picture 254
We opened it up and Mom could see Steelers stuff so she was VERY excited! But then she saw the letter on the top was addressed to Tanner and that it said 'personal and confidential'

So we had to read it ourselves, and not let Mom know what it said. Kind of difficult right? Especially since we wanted to Blog about it, so tonight, there will be some photos taken by ME Joe Stains, and some direct translation from me! I am cutting out the middle (wo)man!

Picture 256
So Tanner read the letter while I stood by to make sure to help him with the big words. As soon as he finished, he started to act weird, and wouldn't let mom see his presents.

Picture 260
He even stood on them and told her there was nothing to see except Steeler's stuff.

Picture 263
Yep, Steelers bandanas...

Picture 264
Steelers blanket, GO steelers!

Ok, so now Mom has to look away, and I have to finish because this is the good part.

Please forgive me of my spelling or grammar errors because I don't get to read too many books. Ok mom BYE

OK OMG, SO LIKE, the Doofus used to live in OHIO. Ya know where that is? OK they have football too in OHIO and its called the Cleveland Browns football. NOT the STeelers football. So Tanner Doofus lived in OHIO until like LAST Year, ya know, DOOMS DAY, when he canme here. SO he got here and Mom said OMG Tanner you are a STEELRS fan and put that steelers thing on his neck. SO THEN our cousin CHief and Aabby came here with Aunt Patty and they SAW this thing on his neck and they saud OMG no! This is not Cleveland Browns football it is Steelers. SO I guess when they got home they made the Aunt Patty make this special SECRET blanket for the Doofus. IT says STEELRS Football on one side...but on the other side...

Picture 267
IT SAYS BROWNS! So the Doiofus can only say BROWNS football in his HOUSE, so Mom can't SEE it!! Cousin Chief and Abby have 7 other animals in their house, and they all helps get this present to us. They are Junior, Gin, Puddin, Tippy, Daisy, Poe and Patches. I think some of thems are CATS so I am sure they didn't do a lot, but now Tanner Doofus can like his BROWNS football and when mom is around his Steelers, OMG!! The letter had evidences to say why Tanner likes Browns not STeelers, and eveidences is used a lot like when mom says I break stuff when Tanner is locked in his house.

Picture 265
Thers the Doofus in his house. I cant use the camera well because I don't have thumbz so sorry.

Picture 272
WE even got bandananas!! But only in Tanners house so mom cant SEE!

Ok Back to MOM before she gets supsishious.

Picture 270

Look at Tanner with his nice Steelers blanket!!

Thanks Aunt Patty, Uncle Dick, Chief, Junio, Abby, Gin, Puddin, Tippy, Daisy, Poe and Patches.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

What a GREAT day!

Today when mom came home from work she had a bunch of papers in her hand like always and she had something else, a big yellow envelope. She said it was to Joey and Tanner?!?!?!

Well by all means woman, hand over the goods!!

a package!
We sniffed it all over, but unfortunately, we required Mom's assistance in opening it because we have not got a lot of mail like Miss Sunshade.

Mom pulled something out and then started reading the note, it was an early birthday gift from Huskee! I think its about time to just declare 2007 Joey Palooza!!!!!! I won the Awesome Dog Blog of the month, and I am getting presents, 2007 is definitely my year!

So what was in the present??

sniff test
It was an adorable little ME! The Doofus was confused and had to get up close to figure this one out.

wasssup high five!
Then he yelled WHAAAAATSSS UPPPP and tried to high five the little me. What am I going to do with this guy??

on the mantle
Mom rescued little me and stuck him on a shelf right next to her favorite picture of her and my Aunt Michelle.(she is the one with the three human kids) Now we can see him but he is out of the way of the Doofus. Thank you SO much for our present Huskee!!!!

Also, thanks to the suggestions of many smart readers my Mom put Tanner's food on a piece of shelf liner tonight, and no more travelling eating show in the kitchen!

we solved the problem of tanner moving his bowl all over...but we have not solved the problem that is Tanner ;)
Anyone have suggestions on how to cure doofus-ism??

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Tuesday Stain Report

So yesterday our uncle came home and found the cat house thing that mom got us, smashed. The tag was also ripped off. Seeing as how Tanner was locked in his cage, I am being blamed for this. I am quite sure that I had to have been in some sort of trance to perform this defiant act.

cat house SMASHED

Perhaps I got the cat scratch fever??? I have seen some cats in our yard recently...

Here is the tag, but still, this is not conclusive evidence.

Even though mom was kind of ticked off, she made us a good dinner.

She took this stuff, which is the same brand as our usual food, and added some pumpkin and bulgur wheat.

It looked like that

The doofus loved it!

he started by the bar stools
Please note he started eating by the barstools, travelled all the way to the end, smashed into the regular food bowl...

tanner and his bowl on the move
And ended up in the corner.

I am just making sure he didn't need help finishing his dinner :)

Monday, January 22, 2007


If you look VERY closely at this photo you will see a lot of white stuff. This white stuff was like icy rain, mom said it was ALMOST snow! IN THE DESERT!!! I am not happy about this!!

chief and poe
It is so cold in Ohio that our cousin Chief (one of Aunt Patty's dogs)had to resort to this desperate tactic to stay warm! He is snuggling with a CAT! Ao4 , this is not good news considering your recent problem with cats, they can apparently win over dogs quite easily. I wonder if Poe, the cat in the picture, infected Chief with the Cat Scratch Fever??

Also, I would like to explain why Tanner is The doofus face. We all know he does Doofy things, but his name originated from something that happens to his face sometimes. When he closes his mouth, his lip gets stuck and Dad said Tanner, that is a Doofus Face! AND it has just stuck! So now you know what the true, original Doofus Face looks like!

Stylish Tanner

Saturday, January 20, 2007

what a DAY!

So today we were just laying around when I looked out the window and saw THIS!

the guys went crazy when the neighbords dog stopped by

I thought it was my friend, Kingsley coming to see me, but then I realized it was the neighbor's dog and she was PEEING in our yard. So I started YELLING!

Please notice I am getting no help from Tanner, he doesn't even to seem to realize something is happening.

intruder alert
Thankfully after all of my yelling she went on home. I don't mind dogs when they are invited guests to my home, but you can't just come pee on my front yard!!

So after that excitement mom made us some lunch. She would like to thank everyone who suggested we add this to our diet:

pure pumpkin

Mom made it real fancy for us:

pumpkin, bulgur wheat and alpo snaps
She added bulgur wheat and some alpo snaps. Mom should open a dog restaurant!

Tanner is not so sure
Tanner was a little unsure...

joey went right for the pumpkin and saved the snaps
Not me, I dug right in to the pumpkin, saving the snaps for last.

tanner pushed his plate all over
Tanner pushes his plate all over the place when he eats

joey is much smarter
He needs to learn from me, if you stand on the plate, it doesn't go all over and you can eat so much faster!

Well, that is enough excitement for today, I am going to bed!

Friday, January 19, 2007

guys, I am so back!

Hello my friends! Mom is home safe and sound, but she brought some craptastic weather back from California. I thought that place was all about sunshine, but she said it was FREEZING there! Well, it is freezing here and raining now, what a bummer.


After we check out our friend's blogs, I will be in my warm bed if anyone needs me!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

California Dreamin...

Mom has to go to some place called Sacramento for her job, so I won't be around until Friday...I hope you all don't miss me TOO much.

My bed

I will just be right here keeping her spot warm until she gets back.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007


So Aunt Patty suggested I give Tanner some tips on the ladies since Lillie has a crush on him. So I decided tonight we would have our first lesson.

Picture 152
I don't have a Lillie doll, so I decided Mom's Coke bear would have to work. So the first thing you want to do is light a fire and some candles. You know, set the mood.

Then you offer her a nice drink, the best spring water in the house. But don't be too pushy, give her some time to relax.

Then if things seem to be going well, you can move in for a little kiss. Then...

dog porn
IT IS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait, Mom said this is not proper etiquette...

Picture 158
Uh oh, too late, the Doofus has made his move. Good luck to mom on getting her bear back!!