Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Come to Florida!!!

OMDOG it is Tuesday and Joey was SO BAD making poo stains on that couch and all he does is WHINE about how cold it is so I thought I'd get him out of here for a while so MOM didn't kill him and so he'd SHUT UP!

I decided to fly he and his Girlfriend SOPHIE to Florida. He is also a little scared that LACIE wants to go on a date with him so he really wanted to get OUTTA town!!!

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Joey wasn't sure how warm it would be so he wanted to wear his shirt. I THINK he was just embarrassed to show Sophie his BALDness. LOL Sophie got really bored just laying on that beach, so she wanted to go SWIM!

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Since JOEY is such a big BABY about that water, he rented a JET SKI! What a clever dude!!

While Joey was playing with Sophie and warming up I visited my old friend Liberty, the Princess of Sparkle!!! She moved BACK to Florida last year!! She so totally lives with a CAT now, omdog, it is HUGE and scary looking. We stayed on our own side of the couch. I wore my sweater since I wanted to fly to see my WIFE Lillie too!!!
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I hope you guys are all staying WARM and having a GOOD last few days of 2008!!!!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Merry Christmas Stains!

After I opened my Christmas presents and the pressure of being 'nice' instead of 'naughty' began to wane, I started thinking.

I didn't want to be one of those dogs that talked the talk but didn't walk the walk. I invented the stain award this year and handed it out to many deserving doggies, but what staining had I done lately? I mean, sure the first night Dad started practicing with his new band I ran in the room with poo all over my butt and rolled in the bed, but that was months ago. There was stain art just waiting to be made and I was holding back...

So I loaded up my brush (paw) with some fantastic Christmas Night poo and I got to work...

All over Mom's new couch cover!!! Nobody saw me sprint from outside directly to the couch as they were busy putting away Christmas goodies.

Omdog I even got some chunks up there!! Mom noticed the poopy paw print in the kitchen and followed the trail to the TV room.

Don't ever think that I have lost it, I am still the Minister of Stains!!!! (I am looking somewhat guilty here just so Mom didn't go totally nuts, but I was proud, believe me!)

Saturday, December 27, 2008

More Christmas stuff...

We got lots of treats and toys for Christmas, we will post more about those later, but you have to see the most important thing we got...

Another sleeping bag!! HOORAY! I don't have to worry about stinky Tanner hogging mine, he has his own now!!

It has been SO COLD here for us. Last night it was 30! That is BELOW FREEZING guys. That is the coldest it has been in the 12 years Mom has lived here!!!

We are staying as warm as we can, Mom has kept the fire going for us and we haven't been outside for more than a few minutes a day. Luckily we have all the new Christmas toys to keep us busy.

I hope its warm where you are because it sure isn't here!!!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Ho Ho Ho!!

I hope you all had a FABULOUS Holiday!! We had a great time at Gram and Gramp's house!!

Look how BIG our human cousin is getting, she is so cute!!

I had to be sure to get lots of hugs from Dad in case he thought my cousin MIGHT be cuter than me.

I also had a good talk with him about the holidays being a time for sharing...

But I couldn't convince him to give me any bacon!

Tanner and Jameson got along very well. She loved to give him kisses. I was too busy begging to really pay any attention to her.

But then I figured out I missed out big time because she was feeding Tanner noodles and cheese!!!!! Don't worry I got snacks from my Gram, including some scrambled eggs, YUMMMM.

Tanner got really tired, so he went to bed.

This may be why he was so tired. He loved rockin to the Christmas music.

We will be visiting blogs later tonight, and I will show you what we got for Christmas tomorrow!! I hope you all had a great Christmas!!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas!!

Christmas Card 2008

Merry Christmas

We are off to Gram and Gramps tonight with Mom and Dad and we will be back home tomorrow night. We hope you all have a Merry Christmas!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

TAN not so DORKelson after all!!!

So you know that we are ALL supposed to be SO good for that FAT man in the red suit so he can come and bring us lots of presents. WELL, I just HAVE to show you this something....

This is the tag on the clothes SOPHIE sent to JOE! It said it will OUTSMART STAINS!

OMDOG AND IT TOTALLY DID OUTSMART HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lets watch it again...


He is SO mad I am posting this...

OMDOG look how MAD...

OMDOG CRAP I AM OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Monday, December 22, 2008


omdog guys today Mom came home and said I had a package!!

This isn't just ANY package, its from SOPHIE!!!!!!! MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!

I gave it a good sniff then took off to get some scissors!!

There was a card and a Boston Terrier sticker and omdog it smelled JUST LIKE SOPHIE! The card said a lot of stuff about me being her favorite boyfriend and all the others mean nothing at all. Well, maybe not that EXACTLY but I can read between the lines.

There were TWO sweatshirts in there, one said SECURITE, that is FRENCH for Security, that is what I do at my house. Its kind of hard to look tough doing security like this...

That sweatshirt is SO much cooler!!

Look at this other one...

OMDOG I think Tanner is going to laugh himself unconscious over that one!! HBO words on a shirt AND poop!!! OMDOG I love it!!!

She also sent the most pawesome toys! They are little latex chickens and they make the BEST noises. Mom actually jumped when she reached in the box and it squeaked, or honked or uh screamed.

Here, you decide what this noise is??

omdog its so fun!!

I like to take my time and be very thorough with my toys, which sometimes require that I hide...

I got so excited I kind of got stuck in my shirt!!! Mom thinks this is funny.

The best part of the package was all the gorgeous blond Sophie hairs in the box!! THANK YOU SOPHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even care if Santa Paws comes now!! LOOK OUT TANNER!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Sunny Strollin Sunday

I know a lot of my friends have a lot of snow and cold, so I thought I would do a strollin' Sunday and share some sunshine.

We are off! Walking toward the school again, not down the busy street where the unleashed doggy lives.

As you can see at the start of the walk Tanner is right by me, you will see how that changes toward the end. In the next video you will see Tanner deciding when we cross the street, Mom always lets him decide.

Tanner likes to smash into me a lot. It is annoying!

In this video you see me do my patented move, pee into a poo. Mom cuts off the video before I start number 2, don't worry!

Here is a nice view with some sunshine for you guys.

Here you get to see me do some landscaping...

Finally, this is the end of the walk by the school. As you can see at this point Tanner is lagging behind, because he goes a million miles an hour at the beginning of our walk (and because he is a little chunky monkey).

I hope you enjoyed this Sunny Strollin Sunday!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Cosby Kid

Remember that tv sit com The Cosby Show??

It starred Bill Cosby and he always had the worst sweaters??

Well I think I found a photo of their long lost pet...

Tanner Huxtable!

TGIF guys!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Hide and Seek

My friend Bae Bae likes to play hide and seek on Fridays. I thought I would play too, I am a fun guy and still enjoy playing games! Don't let anyone tell you I am too old to have a good time...

What do you see here??? A MESS right? This is Mom's closet. You can see tons of wrapping paper junk and lots of other crap she needs to put away. You can also see Tanner's Doofus Dome. But what else do you see? Look closely...

Its ME! I was scared because it was super WINDY last night (and cold) so I was hiding in the closet.

What do you see in this pic?? A GREAT Steelers blanket right? But look close, I bet you see a perfect little nose???

Yep, its ME in my snuggle ball. Dad put the snuggle ball on top of one of our big beds and it makes it even MORE comfy, what a cool dude he is!

I hope you enjoyed this game of Hide and Seek, I also hope Christmas gets here FAST because these sterile posts where I am behaving and being nice are starting to make me go a little bit NUTS.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Joe Man is BACK

ok I am back, there has been far too many posts about dogs other than ME on this blog lately. Before I talk more about ME though, I do want to say thanks to Koobuss who sent my Dad a great hat for the Yankees minor league team that plays near their home. They also sent Mom a great Boston Terrier hat. THANK YOU, we will show some pics later. I'd also like to thank the super pawesome Wally T. Corgador for making a donatable to the shelter where the Little Dude went to jail. That was truly wonderful and we are so grateful to have such great friends.


While I have been sharing my blog with other dogs, I have been sharing other things too...

That is not ME in MY sleeping bag. That is Tan Dorkelson, or whatever he is calling himself these days. Do you see me, shivering alone in the corner??? I couldn't be mean or I will mess up my chances with Santa Paws!

It has been chilly and RAINY here and I know other doggies have FREEZING and SNOW but I have no furs :(

Mom covered me up, so I wasn't too frozen, but I sure did miss my sleeping bag :(

Tanner doesn't even know how to use it right?!?!?!!

He is hopeless...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Tan Torkelson Gives you PRIZES!

OK its time to give away the Blue Torture Bowl to an UNlucky winner. Everyone who told me a good pukey story was entered!

I put everyone in the upside downy bowl.

I couldn't get my FACE in there to get a winner so...

First one that falls out WINS!!

The winner is!!

Pugs and Bugg!! Congrats. Send an email to josephstains at gmail dot com with your address ok?!!??

All the rest of you, I might have ate... LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!


Monday, December 15, 2008

Being nice to Mom

I am being nice to Mom since she was feeling crappy. I am letting her post this picture of Tanner being a big baby with Dad. It is chilly here for us desert dogs so we have to wear our sweatshirts, and Tanner likes to snuggle up to get warm too.

So here you go, Mom said you are all going to say awwwe how cute. Please also remember how handsome I am, but here is Tanner...

Cold Tanner

Sunday, December 14, 2008


DUDES it is TAN TORKELSON here and I am saying THANK YOU all to the dogs who made nice comments to my MOM because now she is feeling a lot better. I mean I came from that dog jail place and I found the besterest family ever. I also found ALL you guys and a twinner and a wife and ummm I even have my OWN award to give out. ALL because someone sent me to jail!! OK so now lets see something...

THAT is my Dad and he is wearing a sweatshirt that is soooo appropreeate for the DoG Dumper who left little dude out there for us! AND

It is from the VERY jail where Nice Aunt Patty rescued me from!!!!

AND omdog look what else Patty sent us...

Its a scraps book ALL ABOUT me and JOEY!

Mom is going to show you every page because she is crazy OK??

Thats us.

That talks about Joey being so so so sad before I came here.

Then this one says Put Mistakes Behind you but I can't really know what it means?? Do YOU get it??

Thats Joe face.

Thats Tan face.

omdog and that is me teaching YOU how to do DOGA!!

omdog, those are the directions!!

Thats us again!

That page says Dad likes Joey better, WHATEVER, Mom likes me besterest so we are even. (Note from Mom: we like them both equally, of course)

Merry Christmas and THE END!

Nice Aunt Patty is not only nice she is TALENTED too!

THANK YoU again to all you doggies who said for Mom to feel better!!! You guys RULE!

Tan Torkelson will be back on TUESDAY to give away the torture bowl!