Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Thursday, April 30, 2009


GUYS its me TAN TORKELSON, and you wonder where that Joey is?? He is playing POKER with those stuffies that I am not allowed to play with because he said I would murderlize them?? I can't help it stuffies SPLODE on me??

Anyway, while Joey is being busierest I was finding something very NOT cool...

This junk behind me is Dad's drumming stuff. It only comes to the house when he has to go play a show on those drums. WELL it is IN THE HOUSE!!!

Yep, that is the footy part of the drums?! UH OH that means that he is LEAVING someplace and we are going to be left at HOME.

YEP this is one bag that the Mom has for going away. It has a drawing a lady did based on a picture of Joey. SHe sure made him look fat LOLOL. Anyway, I need to get Joey out of that stinkin pantry and get him to help me figure out WHAT is going on??

JOEY! get your old butt DOWN HERE?!!!

Are we being ABANDONED???????????????

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Swine Flu!?!?

Everyday Mom and Dad come home for lunch so that they can make it through their days without crying. I cannot imagine how they might make it through NINE hours without seeing us if they were unable to do that. Anyway, when they are home they often watch the news.

As you can see, Tanner and I also watch the news. Really. We got distracted for like a minute here by Dad's chips... (I swear my Dad wears shirts to work, he just says it is way too hot when he comes home for lunch. TRY HAVING FUR BUDDY!)

Lunch with the dogs
But usually, we are right there keeping up on current events. We had heard about this swine flu and Sophie asked me how Cowboy Pig was?? OMDOG?? I hadn't even THOUGHT about that. He lives in the pantry with my Canadian Moose, my squirrel and my Mom's bear she has had since she was 6, which is like 345890 years ago. Otherwise Tanner would kill them all. So I ran to the pantry...

So far, Cowboy pig has seen no negative effects from Swine Flu
Well Cowboy Pig looks ok...

So far, Cowboy pig has seen no negative effects from Swine Flu
OMDOG is this what goes on in here?? They are playing poker, eating chips and drinking booze???!?! I should certainly say he is safe from Swine Flu but I am not sure how his stomach is going to feel later!!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Baseball GAMES without ME!!

Mom and Dad went to see those Dbacks and said that I COULD not go because the last time I went I totally ditched my FRIENDS there and uhm got Lacie in troubles. Humans should know that Lacie gets herself into troubles just FINE without MY help.

So you might remememember that she was taking a certain DBACK under her paw and 'training him'. My FAVORITE Dback, because he is a Doofus like me...

SEE!! Can you see him? He looks like a Doofus in his picture on that JUMBO tron. Well, now that Lacie has got a hold of him...

He is trying to be all TOUGH guy sexy dude?!?! WTF?! Eric?!?!?!

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Lacie also has him doing these DANCER like moves, I wonder if she is grooming him to be her DATE to that wedding with Myrna the Wheely and Gilbert the Wheely. I thought Ms. Lacie was GROUNDED but Mom and Dad totally saw her at the game. SORRY MUMSIE you need to keep a better eye on that girl!!

I gotta say tho...she is doing her magic in some areas... He stepped up to bat and she bit him RIGHT ON HIS BUTT and guess what...

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HE GOT A HOMERUN!? Mom and Dad are going to the DBACKS tonight to see them play Petra's CUBS and they better NOT see Lacie there!!!!!!!!!!

Tan Torkelson OUT.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Where was I???

Tanner will share all the details about the baseball game tomorrow, but some dogs were wondering where I was when he was posting. I was out in the yard...

dirty dog
Having fun! Tanner is telling me here that I was going to be in big trouble, but Mom is liking that I seem to have more energy since I started this new food. She may just be paying attention to me more, I have always had spunk.

showing Dad his work
I had to go in and show my Dad too, he was pretty amused. See, when you are a 'Senior' dog stuff like this is 'cute'. Being 'mature' is not so bad!

Sunday, April 26, 2009


Mom and Dad went to see MY Dbacks last night but I am GROUNDED from the last time I went to see them!?!?!?

Eric Byrnes watches one go by

I will post more LATER I am going to go yell at them!!!!!

TAN Torkelson!

Friday, April 24, 2009

And the winner is... ME!

After long deliberations and lots of great advice (thanks you guys, and Mom said she totally thinks its OK to use Wellness food if it works for you!!!!) we made a choice. We chose Orijen Senior food. This Orijen is heavy in protein and has no grains, so we will see how it goes. We will have to transition slowly as this is quite a change, but the good news is, I LOVE IT!!

This food is just for me??

Hm, yep it says Senior!!! That is me, older but WISER but definitely not OLD.

MOM HE IS TOUCHING MY FOOD!! I mean, that is not how a SENIOR dog behaves. Mother, he is sniffing my ultra delicious food.

SO we are trying this a little bit at a time with the Merrick and we will see how it goes. If my poos improve and I continue to love the taste, we will probably transition Tanner to the adult food also, just because Mom really likes the ingredients and what she has read about the company and manufacturing. Cross your paws her poop studies end up coming out like she wants them! And most important, THANKS again for all the great comments and advice, you guys are the best.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I get by with a little help from my friends...

Last year we learned that our food that we really liked, Canidae, changed their formula and their manufacturing facility. So we changed to Merrick Campfire Trout to help with my itchies and because we liked everything about it...

This is for US

You may remember that we absolutely loved it, it was delicious and we didn't have any bad reactions to it. Tanner is still doing great and loves it, but it seems my uh stains are a little mushy on and off these last few weeks. I am behaving fine, I am as active as ever and I don't seem sick at all and had my checkup recently, I just have bad poo.

She thinks I am getting too old and sensitive for this super rich food so she thinks we need to change. This makes Mom's brain want to explode because there are SO many choices. So Mom seems to think she has decided that I will be transitioning to Wellness Just Senior pet food over the next month or 2. Wellness uses Menu Foods to manufacture their food, so they are OUT!

Our Vet said it takes about 2 months for us dogs to get used to the food. Of course Mom and Dad will watch me like WORRYING FREAKS and will take me to the vet if things change, but for now Mom THINKS she has made a choice after a few days reading a million websites. Asta and our buddy Beckett eat Wellness and like it so we will give it a whirl. The only thing she doesn't like is she cannot figure out where it is manufactured. Well, we called them up and asked if they use Menu Foods and they said yes.

Sorry this was SO boring, but Mom just hates it that I am not perfectly pooping. Humans are NUTS. I think I am just allergic to Tanner, but that has yet to be confirmed...

Apparently Wellness uses Menu Foods :( This stinks. I guess we will be trying the Orijen food. Why is this stuff such a pain in the BUTT? (get it, butt, poo...)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Adventure in Baseball!!!!!!

It is sooo hot in here, my toys are not even FUN anymore.

I decided last night that maybe I should GO somewhere and DO something fun. So I flew over to pick up my new CLONE buddy, Clan Clorkelson and we were off to see the DBACKS. Clacie said SHE had to come and then of course LACIE had to come. SHEESH, they are lucky I am strong enough to fly all of them!! (good thing Lacie lost all that weight, no way could I carry her FAT BUTT like she had before!)

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You might wonder why I love those Dbacks?! Well, its because of this guy Eric Byrnes!! he is SO COOL. He can FLY, just like me!!!!

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He also likes to yell WHATSSUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! a lot. What a COOL DUDE.

dbacks 6-17-08
So we watched that game and it was lots of fun and stuff, then we noticed like LACIE was gone?????

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OMDOG!!!!!!!!!! She said the beer babes were short a girl and she VOLUNTEERED! She SWEARS her Mom will not mind that OUTFIT she is BARELY wearing, but what about that BELLY RING?!??! omdog. I was so freaked out and worried that Lacie's Mom was going to KILL me that I accidentally dropped Clan and Clacie in...

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THE POOL?!?!! Yep, here in HOT HOT AZ the field has a swimming pool?!

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I couldn't think of what to do so I sort of just LEFT?! I got right on that new light rail Phoenix just got and came home. WOOPS. uhhh Butchy, you think you can pick them up?? I am kind of scared to go BACK to that field because maybe that pool water did something to Clan and Clacie... oh dear. And LACIE?! She probably got about 345098 dates with that outfit. Apparently they made it back for that SHOWER that Myrna had, so like I guess I am ok. I hope Clacie and Lacie's MOm is not mad at me!!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Its getting hot out there...

If you check the national weather you will see that it is HOT in Arizona. We are used to it being hot in the summer but this is a little early for these kind of temperatures. It might even be 100 tomorrow!!!

Mom and Dad wondered if they should put the Air Conditioner on yet...what do YOU think??

Don't worry, shortly after these photos were snapped Mom turned it on. We could have melted!!!!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Lets not talk about Baseball ok?

I don't know if you guys follow sports like we do, but the usual score of a baseball game is less than 5 runs per team. So when you see THIS you might wonder if someone messed up...

22!? 22 runs by CLEVELAND?!?!??! The stupid town where Tanner came from destroyed my Yankees!!!! As Tanner would say WTF?!!!

Mom came out to tell me that the Yankees game is starting soon...

I don't care, I don't want to watch!

Then the MENACE comes over to inform me his Dbacks won yesterday!

I think I am just going to lay out here all day and dream about football season...

Friday, April 17, 2009

THANK DOG I am back!!!

Hey guys, I am back, finally. I apologize for my brother, but I just cannot control him anymore. As if his hijacking of my blog is not enough, I have discovered that that Clone Lacie did NOT get rid of the Doofus Dot, oh no...I went over to Scruffy, Lacie and BabyStan's blog and saw this...

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OMDOG she is GROWING A DOOFUS CLONE?!!! A Cloofus?? omdog, I was totally distraught and ready to do something drastic when the package man showed up...

mystery package

Mom said its not a Doofus at all, it is something so totally pawesome...

amazing gift from dog blogger friends for Joe's birthday
It is a birthday present from the same bloggers, Lacie, Scruffy and BabyStan. OMDOG look at that?! Is that not THE BEST present in the world?!?!??!! Mom and I were so touched I thought Mom was going to cry!! Tanner wanted to eat the ketchup of course, but Mom said NO way!! There is a bottle for every year my Steelers won the Super Bowl.

back of the box
This explains the relationship to the Steelers and again shows that the Steelers are the BEST TEAM EVER and will always be the BEST TEAM EVER.

place of prestige
Mom put them by our fireplace where she puts all her most important stuff. You can see some pictures of Tanner and I, her Frank Lloyd Wright clock and some dogs that our humans cousins made.

THANK YOU SO MUCH guys! this was one of the very best presents I have ever got and we all LOVE it. Our uncle loved them too and was even thinking about ordering them back when he saw them on the site. You guys RULE, even Lacie. THANKS! What a great thing to post about now that I have my blog back!!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Mom SAYS this is my LAST DAY?!

Mom Says this is enough of my HOGGING that blog but I say JOEY Hogs that blog 5 er um 7, all the other DAYS but TUESDAY. woops, I am yelling again and that makes some dogs annoyed. SORRY. woops. anyways...

Joey is like SO boring.

This is me doing my impresionation of Joey. Sleep Sleep. Fart Fart. Yawn Yawn. Fart Fart. But not me, I am all about having a good time!!!

I am going to play some FOOTBALL!!!!

I swear, sometimes, this football squirts out snacks! I promise it does, I guess its broken?? I guess I will do some singing then...I like to sing about Joey...

He's Joe Stains

He thinks he is the best and he knows all that stuff...


After singing I am sooo thirsty...

Is this MY water, Mom???

Hm, no its YOUR water?? Ya sure??

OMDOG it fell off of that table!?!?!?!

I will get it for you Mom. Ok um first I gotta *snarf chew chew* make sure *chew chew* its still good...

omdog and you want to know what that old man is doing while I am having SO much fun??


See, this should be MY blog! I am the interestingest and Joey is boring.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Mom is like BUSY? ok? and so Joey WHO IS SO BAD HE CANNOT BLOG said you can do something called WORDLESS WEDNESDAY and you just post a photo and no words.

The DOOFUS face
NO WORDS?! WTF??? That sounds BORING. Everyone loves what I have to say, RIGHT? I mean, I am Tan Torkelson and I only get to talk to you guys ONE DAY of that week. Some Dogs would probably CRY if I just posted a picture with wordlessness??????

But then Mom said, post this one...

Tanner toes
BUT why would someone want to JSUT SEE MY FEET? with NO WORDS?!?!? Mom said something about it being very nice just the way it is without an explanation and that good photographs don't ever need captions.

WTF humans?? I don't get you and your wordless ART. This blogging everyday stuff might get hard if I have to figure out all the dumberest human crap.