Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Thursday, July 30, 2009

IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omdog GUYS so I totally got the ingrediments for the HAPPY JOEY potion...I had lots of suggesterations, thanks guys!!



JOEY totally drank it... then guess what....

OMDOG REAL LIVE BITEY FACE!! Did you see how HAPPY I was at the end!?!? And that is not ALL. We are going to that house in those woods this weekend so Joey will want to Play Play Play I BET!! omdog!! We will talk to you guys on MONDAY OK?! This is going to be the funnerest weekend!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Tanner day of Resting...

OMDOOOG I am soo tired. All this wizarding is really making me tirederest!!!

Mom and Dad are going to see the DBACKS tonight!! They are seeing them play the PHILLIES which is Khyra and Wally's team. BOO they beat my team yesterday!

OMDOG can you SEE how tired I am ?!?! I think I am so tired that my neck MUSCLES relaxed and it looks like I might have a FAT neck, but no way, I am just really sleepy ok???

Joey showed you that picture of me being snug and sleepy with my DAD and he did not show what he was doing...

Being GRUMPY all the way on the other side of the bed. HE IS SO CRABBY. I thought I'd make him that super snuggle ball and he would be HAPPIEREST and play that chase and bitey face with me.

I think I need to get my wand and conjure up some HAPPY potion, what do you think?!?

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Thunder town

First of all I have to apologize because Mom has NOT been commenting on blogs. She said she is reading just not commenting. WHATEVER. We are sorry guys.

Lots of dogs told us about the Thunder shirts and Thunder vests so I think Mom is going to order me one. I don't think they are very manly, but thats ok I guess.

Yesterday Mom went to see the Dbacks play the Pittsburgh pirates, she took her Huffle Duffle that the Army of Four's Mom made for her. It was pawesome! The Dbacks won so Tanner was happy.

I have just been enjoying my Snuggins and avoiding the Doofus...

Who is busy being a MAJOR kiss up Doofus.

It is still SUPER hot here, but in the mornings I can still work on my tan. My poos are still runny sometimes and ok sometimes, so lets hope this stuff just takes a while to work. Ike's Mom suggested some probiotics too, but what happens if I take PRO biotic with ANTI biotic?!?! I don't want to think about it right now, I just want to catch some rays.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

It's Monsoon season here and that means....






Now that I am done peeing in Dad's 'dude room' I will be in the bathroom, thank you very much.

Thursday, July 23, 2009


omdog guys, I think I finally figured out my MAGIC wand!!! Watch this...

Magic wand that conjures CHEESE Make a Snuggle Ball for Joe G's!!!


OMDOG I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joey I made you a SNUGGINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now let ME the great DOOFLEDORE try it!! NOT BAD! You might wonder where that other NEW fancy SERTA bed went???

A wizard has to be COMFY too!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Semi Wordless Wednesday...

Does anyone have a can opener???

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

DoofleDore Day!!

Hello again it is ME DoofleDore the great wizard. I have been studying LOTS of wizarding lately, I may even enroll in that HOGWARTs school soon. One thing I have learned is that my BROTHER the totally grumpy dog Joey keeps me away from him with this GREAT poison gas he conjures from his butt. Well... as you saw in the last post, I have FIXED that little problem. You may wonder HOW?!?!

I have learned that if you visit DigaBone alley you can buy all sorts of wizardly type things that you cannot buy in NORMAL stores. Then with a funnel and Joey's antisighkotic medicine I have removed the poison gas.

You might wonder what great wizard helped me with this...look closely...

HEY Y'ALL?!?!? LOL!! You didn't think that wacky broad was HUMAN did ya?!?! LOLOL!!!

anyway...I know that the fart stuff will wear off so I gotta think of another way to make Joey happy so he will hang out with me. WELL he has been EXTRA mad because Mom got rid of the Snuggle Ball (which don't tell anyone but he calls HIS SNUGGINS, LOL) so I thought I might try to create him a NEW ONE!

mmrmph how do you mmmrmph turn this stupid, WAND on??

ok ABRA CANDALABRA make this into a snuggle ball and um WHATSSSSSSSSUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP....

Ah CRAP this wand SUCKS. This is a Snuggle BEAR not a Snuggle BALL?!?

This is embarASSing...I will be um back later...


Monday, July 20, 2009

More news from the rear...

The Vet just called to say the Lab work was normal!! (Thanks Dave and Dexter for the hard work!) BRING ON THE PIZZA AND BURGERS. Still not great on the poop front er rear, but the VET said it takes a few weeks for this stuff to work. I must tell you that it has a TERRIBLE side effect though...

I DO NOT FART ANYMORE. I have lost my ability to produce fabulous gas bombs :( :( Without my gas force field, stuff like this happens...

this didn't last long...

Its a travesty but Mom seems so very pleased. I am going to go see if we have any baked beans in the house...

Sunday, July 19, 2009

News from the rear...

I have not gone number 2 since dinner time yesterday and I am not farting at all. (since the bad guts I have been farting like MAD! Mom and Dad come home from work and both go OMDOG and gag!! woo hoo!! LOL) Mom is hoping things are solidifying into a beautiful solid poo. Seriously, humans need hobbies or something. She has been following me around the yard like a stalker!! Anyway, I am sending this from my laptop as I am still having a GREAT time in Scotland at the wedding...thank dog I am not home because a terrible dust storm blew through last night...

They are so creepy. Everything turns brown and the sun gets blocked out!!

I bet not many of you guys get storms like this?! The big building in the video is the middle school across the street from us, I yell at the kids that go there everyday. I can't wait for school to start again, its so boring in the summer with nobody to bark at.

Just before I left DOOFLE DORE used his wizard skills to STEAL my light bulb that Sophie sent me...

I will share more about this tomorrow, I was NOT amused. I am ill and this is how he treats me?!?!?

Friday, July 17, 2009

So far, I am not dying...

THIS IS WHAT FEAR LOOKS LIKE!?!?!?? argh. I hate going to the vet.

BUT he said it appears that I am NOT dying. I really liked hearing that. I got some new antibiotic called Tylan that my vet says they give to PIGS!?? WTF?? They said that because the antibiotic they gave me last time worked at first then I went back to the regular runny poo, the problem is most likely isolated to the small intestines.

They DID take my blood to test other stuff but they hope this new antibiotic helps. Mom forgot to ask him if lots of hamburgers and fries would cure me...

Come on Mom, just ASK?!?!

I am off to the wedding, Mom will get the results from the lab on Monday so I am going to just forget about it for now and have fun!!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Big Event!

So we are out of here this weekend for the big wedding, I am so excited to wear a kilt, its going to RULE!!

BUT tomorrow I have to be here to go to that stupid VET! ARGH. I am not looking forward to it and my annoying brother DOOFLE DORK seems to think he can 'soothe' me...

He is so annoying! He eats cat poop and then decides I might like him to wash my whole face?? Dad is holding me captive so I can't even escape!!

Also, I think Doofle Dork needs some more Wizard training...

I don't think that is how you are supposed to wear that cape!!

Wish me luck tomorrow guys!!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


GUYS, its Tanner Tuesday and guess what. Joey TOTALLY BAILED on me and took off across that Big Pee for Petey's STAG party!! You can read about it here. It sure looks like he is having FUN, I hope he can make it back for his VET appointment!!! But who cares about that grumpy guy, this is about ME today!

Look at what Mom is reading, only like TEN years after everyone else in the world. They are about a kid who is a wizard and the BEST wizard is called Dumbledore. Well, check this out...

I am Doofle Dore the great WIZARD!! I have many powers and a magic wand!!

Um what are you talking about? that is NOT a fondue fork it is a WAND!! WATCH I will make TREATS APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE...


I am the great and powerful DOOFLE DORE!

Hm crap, those are the tiniest treats I ever saw. I think I need to go tune up my wand!! I WILL BE BACK TOMORROW!!!!


Monday, July 13, 2009

I'm a MAN!

Ok I promise I am over my EMO phase and I have to say this is not Sophie's fault. She is famous and beautiful and I knew when I got into it that she would always have more admirers. But as long as I stay number 1 I am ok. Plus, man Mango is so big and handsome, how can I be jealous. Its not like she is having an affair with his Pee Wee brother!!


This thing is NOT so bad...but I am still pouting a LITTLE bit.

The VET is probably going to say I need a new diet and Mom is pretty nuts about feeding me stuff made in the USA, I think I have an idea of what I can eat then...

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
It doesn't get more all American than that! I will even leave off the salt if it helps!!!

Thanks to you all for support, you guys are the best friends ever!!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

My world has been turned upside down...

This is Joe Stains, I barely have the strength to post life as I know it has been turned upside down...

As Tanner mentioned my digestion problems have continued to plague me and I am now going to the vet on Friday for a litany of tests and will probably end up addicted to prescription pills and going insane like Michael Jackson. You may all wonder why it is I have suddenly become so gravely ill (Note from Mom - Joe, you have diarrhea, you are NOT dying) Well I will tell you why...I have found out that MY Sophie was planning to have an AFFAIR with the Relentless Huge Mango.


MY SOPHIE... omdog, it is too much to take... I couldn't sleep last night so I made this movie...

Sophie from Rhonda on Vimeo.

She said she promises she will not pursue this clandestine affair until she knows I am better, but what happens then?? Will my ears fall off? Will my legs spontaneously break??? This love stuff hurts my friends.

On top of all of this, I have something to show you. Just looking at it makes my bowels ache...

the filthy and flattened snuggle ball is going to the trash
That is my snuggle ball, next to the TRASH??!?! Mom said it is "Filthy" and flattened and no longer suitable as a bed. WTF is she talking about?!?! omdog!!!

She has replaced it with that gray thing. The snuggle ball had been on top of that big brown bed because SHE SAID it was so flattened we were basically just laying on the floor with the snuggle ball around us. SO WHAT?!
New Serta dog mattress
Ya, its made by that matress company Serta, FOR OLD DOGS. So clearly Mom believes I am about to die also!! (Note from Mom: I thought it just looked really comfortable??)

This thing is OK
Of course the Doofus hopped right in and told Mom that it was nice and comfy.


I am going to go work on my will, so far I have all of my orange toys going to Asta, my Cowboy Pig of course goes to Sophie, and I am just not sure what to do with the rest.

(Note from Mom: Joey will be just fine, we are 99% sure he can be fixed up with just a bit more anti-biotic and a diet change.)

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Saturday Scared Ums


Today started out like GOOD we got up early and I went outside..WITHOUT Joey...


YAAA I love rides in the truck WITHOUT Joey.

UH OH SHI..uh CRAP, the Stinkin Stupid VET!?!?!?! I was pretty scared, I shaked and was like OH NOES! I had to get SHOOTED!? and they squirted some crap up my NOSE?! WTF???? Since when?!?! Mom said that is normal and it was the Bored Ah Tella. Ah Tella you what, that SUCKED! I don't even HAVE a nose just a squooshed flat thing I breathe out of. That was NOT fun.

We told that VET that Joey is still having some soft serve poos so they said get him in here and he probably has Inflaming Bowls disorder or Cool Itis?? I have not seen Joey setting any bowls on fire but he does seem to have an excess of COOL. He thinks he is WAY cool. SO he has to go to that VET on Friday and they are going to do a full bumper to bumper inspecshun and see what is wrong with his BUTT.

BUTT back to ME!? I was the one TORTURED. Finally we left and I passed all my tests and so Mom said you get one special BONUS!! YAY!

OMDOG MACDONALDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

could you SEE ME!?!? I got a whole bite of my own of that snausage sandwich! Mom said only one small bite because that lady at the vet picked me up to do the heart worming test and she said, MY HE IS A BIG BOY ISNT HE!?!?! I cannot help it she clearly does not WORK OUT and lift weights. ANYWAY that sandwich bite was SOOOOOOO good.

I AM SO HAPPY to go home and not have to go to that VET again for a while!!

Joey will be back tomorrow, he is being SUPER dramatic, I think he said something about writing out his will...

Thursday, July 09, 2009

When you're hot, you're hot...

I'd like to start by showing you the hilarious picture Mango the Maltese kiddo sent us...

OMDOG hilarious! thanks guys, that is the best.

I also got kind of jealous of Just Harry and his recent modeling. Thanks to my good pal Petey I was able to get on the cover of Esquire!! omdog, do I look good or what??? Thanks for the hook up Petey, you ROCK!

Now Tanner would like to talk to you about a very important issue...

OK GUYS you want to know what, it is hot as HEL...HECK here!!!

CAN YOU SEE IT?! THat is like as hot as the SUN!? That fluffy tail dog Khyra always says its TOO hot here and its frying my LITTLE BRAIN but I don't know what that MEANS!!

MOm said she will help us to STAY KHOOL (like KHYRA SAYS!)

Mom said here is some Ice Cream and a Plastic Ice thingy.

PTOOOEEEYY GROSS fake ice cream made of SOY?!?!


Wait, What? I think I hurt myself with that one! hm ok yes HOT is what we are talking about.

Another way to STAY cool or um KHOOL is to eat that hot sauce...

GO ON Joey YOU try it ok?!?! LOLOLOL

At least I got him a nice KHOOL Khey Lime Soda to drink in his Freezer Steelers cp if he gets the mouth hots!

ANYWAY, I hope you dogs are not having hots like us, its terriblerest!!