Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

My world has been turned upside down...

This is Joe Stains, I barely have the strength to post this...my life as I know it has been turned upside down...

As Tanner mentioned my digestion problems have continued to plague me and I am now going to the vet on Friday for a litany of tests and will probably end up addicted to prescription pills and going insane like Michael Jackson. You may all wonder why it is I have suddenly become so gravely ill (Note from Mom - Joe, you have diarrhea, you are NOT dying) Well I will tell you why...I have found out that MY Sophie was planning to have an AFFAIR with the Relentless Huge Mango.

*faints*

MY SOPHIE... omdog, it is too much to take... I couldn't sleep last night so I made this movie...

Sophie from Rhonda on Vimeo.



She said she promises she will not pursue this clandestine affair until she knows I am better, but what happens then?? Will my ears fall off? Will my legs spontaneously break??? This love stuff hurts my friends.

On top of all of this, I have something to show you. Just looking at it makes my bowels ache...

the filthy and flattened snuggle ball is going to the trash
That is my snuggle ball, next to the TRASH??!?! Mom said it is "Filthy" and flattened and no longer suitable as a bed. WTF is she talking about?!?! omdog!!!

She has replaced it with that gray thing. The snuggle ball had been on top of that big brown bed because SHE SAID it was so flattened we were basically just laying on the floor with the snuggle ball around us. SO WHAT?!
New Serta dog mattress
Ya, its made by that matress company Serta, FOR OLD DOGS. So clearly Mom believes I am about to die also!! (Note from Mom: I thought it just looked really comfortable??)

This thing is OK
Of course the Doofus hopped right in and told Mom that it was nice and comfy.

IT IS NOT A SNUGGLE BALL!!!

I am going to go work on my will, so far I have all of my orange toys going to Asta, my Cowboy Pig of course goes to Sophie, and I am just not sure what to do with the rest.

(Note from Mom: Joey will be just fine, we are 99% sure he can be fixed up with just a bit more anti-biotic and a diet change.)

39 Stains:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG hilarious. Your mom is too much. HA HA.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

It SOOOOOO is THE FREAKIN' HEAT!!!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra
PeeEssWoo: Mom says *SNIFF* that is ONE of her favourite khry it out songs ;-(

11:23 AM  
Blogger Lacy said...

w00fs, oooo Joey, me iz sure all iz not as bad as it seems...anyways i thought the big boy mango and lacie wuz a hot item...

b safe,
~rocky~

11:45 AM  
Blogger Lola Smiles said...

omd, that me all sad and teary. Time for a tequila shot!

Stay strong Joey!

luv ya
Lola Smiles
xox

12:04 PM  
Blogger Morgan in Pittsburgh said...

All of that just soo sucks.
Morgan

12:33 PM  
Blogger Dennis the Vizsla said...

hello joe stains its dennis the vizsla dog hay wow i cannot beleev that rachel ward wood leev jeff bridges for james woods like that!!! oh wait sorry that is wot happens in the faymus dokyoomentry aginst all odds wot the faymus peter gabriel replaysment fill kollins wuz singing abowt dooring yore slideshow wel ennyway now i am just confyoozd but i hope yore bowels feel better soon!!! ok bye

12:49 PM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Hi, Joey!
I guess this is not the time to be worried about Sophie and Mango "having something".
You must concentrate yourself on getting "fixed" soon!
I am sure you will be like new in no time!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

1:56 PM  
Blogger Gus said...

OMD Joey! That was heart wrenching and gut twisting and oh, Teka is sobbing into her beer.

Take your medicine like a man. And don't think you are leaving Tanner in my care.

gussie d

2:00 PM  
Blogger Mack said...

Dude,
Words fail me.
But just maybe your mom will take you for a sausage biscuit after the vet like she did Tanner???

2:09 PM  
Blogger Diamond said...

You are a very brave dog to be dealing with your digestion issues, the loss of your snuggle ball, and the stuff with Sophie. I hope that everything turns out okay for you.

2:29 PM  
Blogger Mango said...

Oh sob. Joey, you had me going, but then you included that photo of Sophie's hiney in your sad montage and all of a sudden I got that strange feeling again.

I promise not to date Sophie as long as she doesn't post those pictures. Come on, I'm a guy, OK?

Regarding the snuggle ball. That is really a low blow. The same thing happens here. I just get a bed all nice and then it goes out in the trash.

Take care of your hiney. Maybe if you take Michael Jackson drugs you will learn how to dance.

Slobbers,
Mango

2:57 PM  
Blogger Petra said...

That was a very sad video, Joey, and I hope it makes Sophie think twice about what she is doing.

And by the way, would you leave your cuz to me in your will?

3:24 PM  
Blogger Sophie Brador said...

OMD Joey! Every dog on the planet is going to send me hate mail. C'est la vie. These things happen when you are famous. Speaking of which, you know that I sometimes have to cavort with other dogs as part of the job. It's all for publicity, TMZ, that sort of thing. But don't worry. I would NEVER prefer to cavort with any dog other than you. You are #1 and the one and only #1. Now go fix your bum!

xo
SB

P.S. Sorry about the snuggle ball. Your mom is clearly a meanie.

3:29 PM  
Blogger Mango said...

Hey Joey!

Will you leave me Sophie in your will? I'm just askin.

Slobbers,
Mango

4:28 PM  
Blogger Joey said...

oh no Joey! you're too young to die!
*sniggers*

6:52 PM  
Blogger MONA AND MOMMY TOO!! said...

Poor Joey,

I can't believe that Sophie is really gonna cheat on you. How could she possibly even think of such a thing but Mnafo is quite a hunk. A girl can be in love with 2 pips at one time like I still love Snowy even though Sammy is my main sqeeze now.

Be brave Joey....{{{huggies}}}...Mona

6:56 PM  
Blogger MJ's doghouse said...

oh my god joe...i mean of course i am sooooooooooo worried about you..but WTF...sophie and mango...i have got to get my arse back online...mom has been away foreverrrrrrrrrr...

9:23 PM  
Blogger Noah the Airedale said...

Oh mate, we can see why you're so distressed. You're upset right now and you have a bad tummy. Your mum says with some meds you'll come right but we thought we'd better send some aire-zen anyway.

tailwags
Noah Willow Tess Lucy

2:30 AM  
Blogger Maggie and Mitch said...

You sound so depressed, Joey! Maybe you need a nice long nap on your new bed after your mom takes you shopping for a new toy!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

2:31 AM  
Blogger wally said...

Joe,

Leave the drama to your mama. Good grief. Sophie, like me, is too fantastic to have just one squeeze. It is selfish of you to hoard her.

My butt has been a bit broken too, though. My ma ape said maybe it is because I am an old man and I need to eat oatmeal mush for meals instead of meaties and I said NO WAY! Now THAT would be something to get weepy about.

wally t.

3:24 AM  
Blogger Pearl said...

Oh Joey, I can see why you're so distraught. You and Tanner really try hard to be one-dog-dogs... and then this happens?!

Well... I'm accepting applications for my next boyfriend... Just sayin'.

6:51 AM  
Blogger Toffee said...

Joey,

Maybe your mom should hire Lacie, Asta and Agatha to nurse you back to health??

Did you catch the part where your mom mentions a "diet change?" - maybe that means that you get a super special awesome pawesome food just for YOU that you don't have to share with "you know who" - I think that sounds pretty kewl.

You are going to be A-okay. We know it : )

6:54 AM  
Blogger Petey said...

Joey my man, buck up! I need you by my side this weekend in Scotland. Just think, the cool Highland air, lots of yummy weird Scottish food like haggis and bannocks and hotch potch, bowls of Scotch whiskey and let's not forget....Joey in a KILT!

You're an international film star (let's not forget that Oscar Mayer award for Best Supporting Actor for Beagadoon) with legions of fans and as you demonstrated at the Rainbowwow Room, you know how to show a lady a good time on the dance floor.

Yes, I've met Sophie Brador nose-to-tail. Yes, I've even been in her hotel room and chewed a tennis ball or four with her. And yes, she does have gorgeous eyes...but at the end of the day, she's just a big flirt whose heart truly belongs to you. (Okay, so other parts of her may be shared with other dogs, I'm just saying.)

There will be oodles of available single gals at the wedding and you know how they love a groomsman! Love (or at least lust) will be in the air and JOEY WILL BE IN A KILT.

Let's see who's pulling out the Phil Collins (man, you ARE depressed) come Sunday...I'm just saying.

Your pal,

Petey

7:09 AM  
Blogger Eric said...

Joe.hmmm ...your Mom is a girlie too...who to believe buddy huh? Escort the flakie Lakie to the wedding, make Sophie jealous. Nope seconds, thought that will give you instant Dye Your ears....

Worried wags, Eric xxx

7:45 AM  
Blogger Patience-please said...

Oh, Joe, Joe, Joe.
#1. MAKE your humans get you a new snuggle ball. You have The POWER, use it!
#2. Mama Pajama says, "Forget the cheatin' big yellow bitch, I'm here for you, and I am mature and fast, loved all over the WORLD, and... I. Eat. Poop."

there you go!

wags from the whippets

8:34 AM  
Blogger Fred said...

Hope the die-uh-rear gets better soon! Meanwhile, re: the affair. This is why I am a confirmed bachelor. ;)

8:51 AM  
Blogger Simba and Jazzi said...

We are sure your Mummy is right and you will be fine in no time. But if you are writing a will, if you have any rawhide think of us. lol

Simba and Jazzi xx

12:13 PM  
Blogger the professionals said...

joey man - just remember "when the going gets tough the tough just get tougher" sophie's an idiot and snuggle balls are for girls... my mom's got me on grain free salmon canidae maybe your mom can ask Dr Nasty what they think maybe it would help your dribbley bum...

12:32 PM  
Blogger Marvin -The Hollow Hound said...

Love hurts Joe, don't you remember the song.......

although that dire rear can be pretty hurty too.

Get better soonio!

12:32 PM  
Blogger The OP Pack said...

Oh, Joey, you look so sad and worried. Sophie still loves you and will be there for you. You have lots of good years left in you. Listen to that vet - he can only make things better . . . . and maybe firmer:)

woo, the OP Pack

12:46 PM  
Blogger Ozzie and Rocky said...

Geesh, Joe, you should get an Academy Award or something, lol. Such drama!
It will come out all right in the end (no pun intended, hee, hee...)
Take care buddy!
Ozzie & Rocky

12:48 PM  
Blogger Jan's Funny Farm said...

Joe, We stopped over here from Mango's blog. We don't know what to say. Actually we're thinking your little health problem might have affected your brain. Why would your girl leave you for another dog, even one as bit and handsome as Mango. She's your girl. Take your med and don't worry.

4:53 PM  
Blogger Chef ·˙ ۛ ♥ said...

Joey, you better get your bum issues cleared up before you even think of winning Sophie back. Mango slobbers are gonna start to look pretty good next to wet, yellow poopies. Now be a man take care of your business, k?

xox
Chef

11:02 AM  
Blogger vix said...

I don't know when I've laughed so hard, I'm just sorry it has to come at your expense, Joey! What an awesome video. Tell Mom she has to submit that to the Oscars next year! The romantic drama of the year!

3:10 PM  
Blogger Asta said...

Joey
You awe bweaking my heawt!

While I am totally excited about being named in youw will, I don't want to outlive you..I think life would su$& wifout you in it..so you bettew stop talking about dying and stuff and make the vet give you a faboolous new diet and fix youw bumbum and win Sophie's love back..I know you can do it!
smoochie kisses
ASTA

8:43 PM  
Blogger The Army of Four said...

This is like when my mom was going to deep six my really cool polar bear blanket. Only worse, because of Sophie. Maybe if we all help you plead your case, your mom won't get rid of the most VERY comfortablest bed in the universe!!!
Play bows,
Zim

1:41 PM  
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