Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Christmas wrap up

So as you can tell my Mom is clearly not taking my threat seriously. Some of you noticed that Tanner missed posting on Tuesday because Mom is totally slacking, she doesn't even know what day it is.

I am going to FINALLY post about Christmas.

Mom made us wear these stupid jackets. BUT look what else Tanner had to wear...

A CHRISTMAS sweater. He really is like a Cosby kid!

I kind of didn't want to let him in looking like that, but Mom made me.

You can see Tanner and Jameson really had a good time again.

I kept trying to convince her to take him home, but her Dad, my pawesome uncle Jim said no. Tanner was sort of adamant about not going too, I can't believe he has finally met someone that has more energy than he does. About time someone is in his face constantly.

I forgave uncle Jim because he rules. I LOVE HIM and always get real excited to hang out with him.

We had a super fabulous Christmas and we hope that you guys did too!! We can't wait for more fun in 2010!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Report from behind enemy lines...

You might ask who the enemy is?? WELL it is my MOM. She has refused to blog, refused to READ blogs, so I am considering waging war with her. Considering my weapons of mass carpet destruction, she better take this threat seriously. Since I have her attention here I am going to make her update you on all our Christmas fun.

The Christmas excitement got under way with a visit from our cousin dog, Bailey.

She sure is a pretty thing, but she seemed a little shy around Tanner and I. I cannot imagine why I only tried to hump her 3-6 times. I mean, I can totally understand not wanting to hang out with Tanner because he is a Doofus, but I am pretty darn cool.

She is a pound puppy that my Dad's uncle rescued and she is super sweet and pretty, but she just didn't feel like playing with us. Maybe after she gets to know us better, Mom said we can be a bit intimidating when we team up on dogs. She better remember that as I make my war plans.

Christmas Eve we had to stay home, which was fine as we were tired from endlessly chasing Bailey in circles visiting with Bailey.

I did give Dad his present Christmas eve...

Talk about the BEST GIFT EVER. Ya, that is me, in all my Yankees glory. Mom got this from and she loves it. The sign in the outfield is advertising CUZ toys. How totally perfect, right?! I will make Mom update some more soon, we just got a new HDTV so she has sort of turned into a drooling couch potato. But I must admit my Steelers looked GREAT on it! More later from Stains War HQ.

Saturday, December 26, 2009


We went to Gram and Gramp's house and spent the night for Christmas, it was GREAT.

This is what we look like now...and this is why...

Tanner was given an education in CATs from Jameson. She followed him EVERYWHERE.

I tried the STAY REALLY STILL tactic hoping she would just run right by me. She has more energy than Tanner, I didn't think it was possible. We are both really tired so we will post more highlights tomorrow.

We hope you had a great Christmas!!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

More from Tan Torkelson!!!

GUYS its like COLD in Arizona so Joey won't come out of his sleeping bag to blog. That means you get ME again! HOW LUCKY RIGHT?!?!

Some of you guys said that I got a GREAT green furry coat along with my super cool elf ears. WELL that came from GUESS WHO!? My Aunt Patty!!! She is here for Christmas!!! If you guys don't know who Aunt Patty is, she is the nice lady who rescued me from the pound in OHIO then let me live in her house for MONTHS before she drove me all the way across that country to ARIZONA! I LOVE HER!

I love my new coat, I think its very Sophie-sticated. AND GREEN! Don't worry, she brought some coats for the angry guy too.

Our other uncle came over too with his pretty doggy named Bailey but she was very shy. I will share some pictures of her tomorrow because I don't think JOEY will be getting out of that sleepins anytime soon!!!

Since he is not able to make it to the bloggy machine, I thought I would take this hoppertoonity to share this funnierest photo I found of Joe's TRUE Identifier...

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OMDOG He really IS that dog from the YMCA!!!! LOLOLOLOLOL.

The Mom from the Pug and Bugs totally made that and we cannot stop laughing at it! Well, Joey hasn't seen it yet, but I can't stop laughing at it!!

He's a MACHO MACHO dork!!! LOLOL.

Ooops. Sorry Santa Paws, I am just jokering ok!!!!

Tan Torkelson BEST DOG who may or may not have ate a book depending on if you are friends with Mom on Facebook and I hope Santa Paws isn't, is OUT.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Tanner is the good dog day...


Joey and I are reporting for Elf duty so we can be GOOD helpers and we can get LOTS of presents...

I am SO happy to be your LITTLE HELPER!!

Can you see me?! I am so lets see how your other little helper looks...

OMDOG LOL that is not a HAPPY little Elf.


I wonder who is getting coal in their stocking!! LOLOL

Tanner Torkelson BEST ELF EVER out!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

It's fun to stay at the YMCA...I think I might send Tanner there

So Mom has finally begun hanging up my cards from my pals. I think they look quite great up there. We won't show how many cards Mom and Dad have got. LOL

Sophie has been away this weekend staying at some posh hotel, so I thought as a good welcome home present I'd post some SUPER studly pictures of me... you might not be ready for this...

Oh ya, I am BORN TO BE WILD in my new (p)leather biker jacket!!!

Get your motor running ladies...I mean, Sophie.

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I think I look an awful lot like that guy. BUT Tanner said I look more like this guy...

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WTF?! I do NOT look like the guy from the Village People, I don't even have a mustache!

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If you ask me that cop guy in the back looks an awful lot like some Doofus I know...

As Lacie would say, NUFF SAID!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Let me tell you a story...

We thank you all that went to see Sophie's Mom, today is her birthday, so talk about bad timing with poor Graham.

I tried to get comfy on the side of the couch to do some thinking and good vibe sending.

But every time I went to stand on the end table like I usually do, Mom's stupid Christmas crap got in my way. She has like 3 Christmas cards (compared to my millions) and then she has these little village house things. I had to explain my complete dissatisfaction with this arrangement. Tanner just looked confused, as usual.

Mom said she would not move the decorations and I would just have to deal with it. She is lucky I am being nice for this Santa Paws dude. Another reason is because this is what she and Dad had for dinner tonight...

OMDOG. It is this place called Five Guys and they just opened one by our house in Tempe. I cannot believe they did not take me!!! Oh well, I guess I will just have to get over it until the fat man brings me all my presents.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Another friend has left us...

I am sad tonight because my girlfriend Sophie's new brother, Graham, has gone over the Rainbow Bridge. The poor guy had some health issues that progressed rather rapidly and Sophie's pawesome and caring Mom made the tough choice to let him go.

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We didn't know Graham very long, but he was a special and sweet guy, even though he often referred to me as Tanner's SISTER. He and Tanner got along quite well and the Doofus is really going to miss him.

BUT Sophie and her Mom are going to miss him even more, so go over to her blog and send them some hugs and do a couple of farts in Graham's honor for me. He and I really enjoyed a good toot.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I saw Momma kissing JOEEEY STAAAINS...

So JOE did some investigationing to find Mom has been busy doing things that were not our blog. He was MAD.

He came and found me to say how mad he was...

I was having FUN dancing to some MTV songs and he said OMDOG life stinks and I want to poop on the floor and all that whiny drama queen stuff he does.

Then he said, WHY ARE YOU SMILING WHEN LIFE IS SO TERRIBLE?! He was looking like he was about to crap on that floor again when I said...

OH JOEY that fat man from the North Pool is checking that NAUGHTY list to see what dogs get toys and treats and what dogs get lumps of COAL. Guess what FLOOR CRAPPER?? You are on that naughty list and do you know who TELLS that Santa Paws guy about what dogs are GOOD and what Dogs are NOT, it is MOM. Well you will NOT even believe what happened, thank DOG I had my camera...

OMDOG. THAT is one grumpy Joe giving SMOOCHIE KISSES!!!!!!


He must REALLY want some good pressies for Christmas this year!!! I need to tell him that Santa says he should totally let me sleep in that snuggins ball too!


Sunday, December 13, 2009

Detective Stains I presume...

I realized that my 1000th post was going to fall on Tanner Tuesday so I decided to do a little investigation. I went into the bloggy program and clicked around to find TWENTY THREE drafts that Mom never finished. Talk about a stay of execution!! This will also give me time to plan for the super extravaganza that is the 1000th post.

detective stains
In case you forgot how handsome I look in my detective coat, here you go.

I also noticed in my investigations that we had 272 posts in our bloggy reader thingy and now there are zero. And Mom did NOT leave comments. WTF?! I think she might need fired. She claims she is 'busy'. DOING WHAT? Well, I found out...

She bought all these bottles and tools and junk and then started cutting and pasting and looking to me like she was making a big old mess.

This is what she is producing...

They are scrabble tiles that she puts stupid pictures on and then puts this shiny stuff on the top. These ones aren't dry so they aren't real shiny yet. She then glues a little silver dohicky on the back and it turns into a pendant for a necklace. She is busy doing THAT not my blog?? WTF? And where is the Yankees one?! argh.

She bought some of these things on Etsy...

I got these on

And realized that it probably wouldn't be too hard to make them herself. So she found a tutorial online and now she is too busy for my blog. And she wonders why I crap on the floor!? argh.

In other news, if you smell something like bacon frying ...

Its just Tanner melting himself in front of the space heater. He is such a Doofus. SO Mom is going to be better about commenting on blogs or I am going to leave a nice steaming poop someplace a lot less accommodating than in front of the TV.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


So Tanner seems to think its funny to tell everyone that I have some issues staining the floor. These are not issues, these are my expressions! I am not sick, and Mom and Dad know my M.O.

When I am mad about something I poop on the floor. I always poop in front of the TV. ALWAYS. So recently there have been a lot of things making me mad.

1. It is absolutely FREEZING here. I don't want to go outside to go to the bathroom, its too cold.

2. My uncle moved to California, I am used to having him here.

3. My TV room has been changed around.

All of this means I get mad, and I poop on the floor. The reason my Mom and Dad know that I am not sick and this is not anything more than me um expressing myself is because they can close the door to the TV room and I don't poop in the house. But my goodness people and dogs, I AM JOE STAINS. That is my name?! Anyway, if you don't believe how mad I am, take a look at this photo...

Joey is Cold and Grumpy
I am sitting NEXT to Mom that is how cold I am. Look at my face?!? Have you ever seen a dog more angry in your entire life??

So thank you for your concern, but I am not sick. Just mad.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Tanner POO Day!

HELLO this is Tan Torkelson and this Tuesday I would like to bring to you a story about Joe Stains. That dog did some BIG BAD DOG stuff this weekend and I am here to report on it and tell you the story.

When MOM and DAD leave the house they say, TANNER go in your little house...and so I go in here...

That is my house and I go in there because Mom and Dad say that I am NOT GOODEREST when they leave and that I eat stuff. But that is OK I like my little house, it has nice blankets and a nice bed and is JUST mine.

Joey does NOT go in a little house. he goes wherever he wants because he said he is GOOD. BUT NOT this weekend!!

Can you see me? This is me reporting from the TV room.

This is what that room looks like ok?

Well THIS is what it looked like when Mom and Dad came home from that work on Friday!!

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OMDOG do you see what Joey DID?!?!? I had to make reenacterated photos because Mom was SO GROSSED out she could not take pictures. Joe made some BIG stains!!! omdog!!!

Then the next day Mom and Dad went out for a while to go see those Christmas lights we showed you yesterday and they came home and saw THIS...

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Another STAIN! Joe was SO MAD because it is colderest and wet here in AZ and he totally made a giant STAIN on that floor and you know what is the WORST!!!!!



Remember that pawesome orange guy?? JOEY pooped on him!?!? omdog Mom had to throw it away because she said it smelled TERRIBLE!!

Joey is the badderest dog ever and I cannot believe he STAINED my toy. I think the 1000th post should be ALL mine because I am a GOOD dog and not a BAD dog.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Sunday spreading some Christmas cheer!

Don't worry Tanner managed to destuff that football toy. I think the fact he got to wear my pawesome sweatshirt that my girlfriend Sophie got me helped him. Yesterday Mom and Dad went out and looked at Christmas lights.

They saw lots of fancy displays.

Check it out, there was a beagle in Bethlehem!! Who knew??

Mom wishes Dad would do something like this to our house!

With all that Nebraska stuff, we though this was Wally's house!

That sign says Casa De Huskers!!!

Here are some videos, we hope you like all this Christmas cheer!!

I bet you guys don't get to see many cactus with Christmas lights where you live!!

Finally, Mom and Dad went to a book store and there were Great Pyrenees in there! They were gift wrapping for donations for their rescue group. Mom and Dad slipped them some cash even though they didn't have anything to get wrapped. Those guys are giant fluffy dudes and they need good homes just like us little guys!

We hope you liked all these great Christmas photos and videos!