Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Trying Trying Trying

I have seen even more bad news today on DWB's so I decided to put together a small film to make you smile.

Untitled from Rhonda on Vimeo.

I hope that helped, I picked one of my favorite songs to dance to by a band from Finland!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Good move Yankees!!!

First of all, everyone needs to go over to Jackson's blog and send him 34530846 healing vibes and thoughts because he got some sad news at the VET. We all need to be strong and get behind Jackson so he gets better. I hate feeling sad and I hate all my friends feeling sad so I am still going to try to make you laugh today, this is going to be a tough one...

Tanner finally got Lacie home, but he is still a little out of it...

He is resting and should be feeling better soon.

Meanwhile, I got some good news because the Yankees got rid of Kyle Farnsworth. If you remember from an old post, I was NOT happy with him. He always made me mad, look Tanner even made a stain on him!!!

They traded him for a guy named PUDGE! Can you believe that?!?! Check this dude out, I think he kinda looks like me...

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Look at the block head on that guy!!!

My friendPetey got me this at Yankee stadium and I bet Pudge is going to get one soon and hang it on his wall!

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Well guys, I hope I made ya smile today. I am going to go send more vibes to Jackson!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

It is TUESDAY THAT IS MY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHATSSSSSSSSUPPP!! If you are NEW you have to know that on TUESDAY I get to do a post and I am TANNER the brother of one Joe Stains. This Tuesday I am going to talk about VODKA!!! I flew Joey to RUSSIA and some babes gave him Vodka. Well I know a babe named Lacie who makes really good SMOOTHIES with some of that alcoholol stuff. I learned that VODKA is made ALL over the world and in ALL kinds of flavors!!?! So when I was flying back I picked up some VODKA and I picked up Lacie!!!

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Look at all those FLAVORS!!!

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We figured we better just TASTE each one to see how to use it best in the DRINKS! omdog I am like foaming at the mouth after tasting all of those!! I bet you wonder why Lacie is all wet looking?????


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She wanted to taste this really BIG bottle of VODKA and she picked it up and TOTALLY MISSED HER MOUTH and it like shot in her eye and poured on her face and omdog she said she'd TOTALLY KILL ME if I told anyone but it is just TOO FUNNY?!?! LOLOLOLOL!

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We decided to make about 3000 jello shots!!! This is just SOME of them. OMDOG are they good and we can't wait to share them at our next Pawty!! Lacie is a great bartender!!!!

I started feeling a little uh SPINNY and WEIRD so I went to lay down and I sort of just got stuck in the couch...wooooaaaahhh WHHAATTSSSUUUPPP.... I sure hope Lacie doesn't mind waiting for a ride home....I need a nap....

Monday, July 28, 2008

Oh those Damn Yankees...

So if any of you watched the game or saw the news my Yankees got KILLED :( A lot of dogs who are new to my blog didn't realize I do have my own Yankees shirt, and I look pretty darn good in it.

At first the game was ok, for like a minute...

Then I was all, Mom, they are going to blow it...

So then Tanner came over and was all, BLOW WHAT JOEY?!

Then he started sniffing my jersey saying I smell like a SORE LOSER...this kid better watch his mouth...

I got so upset at one point I had to go to Dad to console me. Stupid Yankees :(

Finally I had seen enough and just decided to go to sleep. At least they win in my dreams...

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Goooo Yankees!

So as I mentioned, the Yankees are playing their HUGE rival the Boston Red Sox this weekend! They have already played 2 of the three games and have won the first two! I was nervous yesterday before the game because the Yankees BARELY won the first one.

I was meditating on the couch like our buddy Mango recommends. Tanner was just sleeping, he is not in touch with his Zen enough to meditate properly.

I am going over the lineup in my head, thinking about the new players the Yanks got from Mom's childhood team, the Pittsburgh Pirates. She is now a Dbacks fan since we live in AZ and because the Pirates are really pretty awful :)

Finally it was game time, notice the Doofus is looking out the window instead of cheering for my team. Luckily they pulled off a GREAT win. The final game is tonight and I will be watching and hoping for the best. For the first time ever though, I kind of feel BAD about this series because of my good buddies Agatha and Archie who are Red Sox fans. But not THAT bad!!

Joe in front of his mat
I am going to go do some praying to the Baseball Gods. Lets Go Yankees!!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Russian Hit Men Part II

I clearly had no luck in that bar trying to find that hit man, Teddy. I figured I would find out who he is working for by going back to the source of the involvement, the Russian Ballet. I went undercover...

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I found a LOT of good information here and got to wear some fancy costumes. It was kind of fun, but I had to get moving. I was given a tip that it was a couple of jealous ladies who hired Teddy, they were jealous of Sophie's beauty and her fame. Well, being the charming dog that I am, I figured I would seek them out and sweet talk them.

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By the end of the night we were best friends (some of that Vodka sure helped) and they even gave me a nice warm coat because it is COLD in Russia, and you know I am very sensitive. The only problem is the ladies said that Teddy was sort of a loose cannon and they weren't sure if they could call him off easily. So I said farewell to my Russian friends and headed to Killington, VT where this Teddy character lives.

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I put this up on the town sign and if that was not warning enough, I put a clever add in the local paper...

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I think the subtle use of Vodka and the implication that Teddy will end up in a BODY CAST if he doesn't leave Sophie alone is sufficient? I am glad I got this taken care of because MY Yankees are playing Agatha and Archie's Red Sox. They won the first game last night and the next one is starting soon. If that Kyle Farnsworth bozo screws up again I am going back to Russia and getting those lovely ladies to turn a little Russian Mafia action Kyle's way...

Friday, July 25, 2008

Mother Russia...

So as you know I am investigating a suspicious accident that has left my girlfriend with a terrible injury. Sophie danced for the Imperial Russian Ballet in her past, and I wonder if there may be a stalker out there who was a fan of hers back in the day. Perhaps that stalker has enlisted the help of some Mafia types to get back at her...

So as part of my investigation Mom insisted I need to look the part of a Russian...
joe torture
uh, a BABUSHKA??? Mom, do I look like a little old lady to you???

joe torture
You gotta admit I do look kind of cute...but cute will not get to the bottom of this!! I had Tanner fly me to Russia.

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After some nosing around I was told to head to this bar and ask the bartender for some 'Imperial Vodka'. That was the code word to get me some information on this 'Teddy' fellow from Killington who maimed my Sophie.

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She took me behind this curtain where I grilled her...

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Look here lady, I am Joseph Stains and I am here for some 'Imperial Vodka' Do you know what I am saying????

Well, I can't really remember much after that but my digital camera has this pic on it...

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I guess when you ask for Imperial Vodka in Russia, you REALLY DO get it. ooof. I guess I will try again this weekend....

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I love you BERRY much!

I had to update today about a truly terrible and shocking accident that happened while my girlfriend was on Vacation. She was involved in a head to teeth collision with another dog (who was probably a Red Sox fan - sorry Agatha and Archie) and sustained a head wound. The evidence is below (photo by Sophie's loyal servant):

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I hope you can all stop by Sophie's Blog to tell her she is still ABSOLUTELY beautiful, even if she ends up with a scar. As for that other dog, I am going to do some investigating to see if this was truly an accident or a setup as Ms. Brador IS a very famous figure and did some dancing in Russia where there is quite a prevalence of mafia violence. Mom said I am being a Drama King again, but you can never be too safe about the ones you love...

To calm my nerves Mom brought out some new chew bones! She went to Petsmart because we were almost out of treats (OMDOG talk about a tragedy!!) but everything she found had High Fructose Corn Syrup in it?! WTF is that crap?! So she went to the nicer store today and got us a whole bunch of cool treats.

OMDOG we loooove berries!!

Oh yes, this is definitely what I need to distract me.

But I am thinking, don't worry, I don't forget about possible mafia hit men that easily...

Tanner liked his bone too and thank dog it occupied him because if he told me one more time that to get the mafia to go away you just turn off the back porch light, I was going to bop him!


Wednesday, July 23, 2008


Check it out I gotAWARDS!!!

Mango and

Boy and Baby both gave me this great award!! THANK YOU!!!

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Petey gave me this award!! THANK YOU PETEY!!

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Here are the rules:
1.) You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also contribute to the blogger community, regardless of language.
2.) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3.) Each award-winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.
4.) Award-winners and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of the "Arte-y-Pico" blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award.
5.) To show these rules.

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I got the photo award from Astaand I really appreciate this one because Mom is always taking 390485039486 photos so that makes me happy she got an award!! THANK YOU!

I hate having to pick for awards, so YOU ALL GET THEM!?!!!

And just to get you through your day, here is a pic of me stuck in the blankets!!


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Tanner needs a FAVOR day!

Omdog so you guys know that I have the besterest Wife named Lillie right?! Well she wants EVERYDOG to go to THIS WEBSITE to help this BOOOTIFUL girl who was in a terriblerest accident and got burned :(

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She goes to school with my Wife's Human Pup, Kendra. Tomorrow they are doing an internet telethon for her and I really, really hope you guys can go on over there and say hey for the poor girl.

Now, don't just do this because I said so, ok?! Do it because Lillie, my wife, is the besterest ever. She sended me something in the MAIL!!!

I asked JOEY to look at it and just make sure I knew what it said, cuz as you know I can read SUPER GOOD!!!! It says CAUTION KILLER BOSTON TERRIER ON DUTY!!! OMDOG! WHERE?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!! YIKES!??!

Hm, wait, I think that means ME?! or JOEY?! omdog. Mom said we have to put it somewhere that we want to make sure NO BAD GUYS go to...

So I stuck it HERE!

omdog where is HERE?!?!

On the giant BEER DISPENSERING MACHINE?!??!? I don't want anybody to steal THAT!

THanks Lillie for the best sign EVER! I hope everyone goes to visit the telethon tomorrow!!!!!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Thank dog we got to party YESTERDAY!

Today we are back at home and we have awards to post about but Mom is running off to see the Dbacks. They are playing Petra's Chicago Cubs! I will post about my great awards and more later this week. I'd say tomorrow, but tomorrow is Tanner Tuesday so I wouldn't trust him to handle that!

Luckily Mom got me a new toy otherwise, I would be VERY mad at her!!!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Its party time!

Today we are off to a party at Butchy and Snicker's to celebrate Snicker's birthday!!!

It says to bring swimwear but as you know, I do NOT swim. We are bringing this smores kit instead, Mom said we have to stop for some WHITE dog safe chocolate on the way there. I am guessing with as opulent as Aire Ruby is, there may be some on board already.

We are bringing our BBQ Bible too, I hear the firepit is going to be pawesome. I am also bringing some corn because I hear it is great on the grill. Do you hear the plane Tanner??

Tanner has NO patience and just keeps asking Mom, "Is she here yet, is she here yet, is she here yet?". Ah well, we will talk to you guys later, we are off to PARTY!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Cold Box!!!

So everyone is showing off their Cold Boxes, so we decided to play too!

Here is the front of ours. Nothing sticks to it because it is stainless steel. BORING. I would like to note that the hand towel on the fridge is an exact match of a table cloth that Sophie's Mom has. To say that our relationship was destined to happen is an understatement. She is in Boston right now visiting Agatha and Archie and Toffee and Riley. She is on vacation so she said that I can rule the world while she takes it easy. She sure is a pawesome girlfriend.

Since we cannot put stuff on the fridge front, we put stuff on the side.

Lots of Boston Terrier stuff!! In the upper right is a picture that was drawn by our blogging buddy Pappy's Fella. He is a great artist and makes cool t-shirts! Check out his blog.

Finally, the inside. ITS ALL DRINKS?! But, we live in the desert, so you have to stay hydrated. There is food in there, I promise. Right where I am looking is the little sandwich bag full of noodles that Mom gives us as treats. She always cooks a cup or so of extra noodles for us when she makes some for herself. Nothing tastes better on a hot day than a nice cold noodle!!

If you have not done this yet, show me what your cold box looks like!