Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Dr. Torkelson I presume!!

I was Laying ARound today thinking about that Joe and how he says he is a DOCTOR and Neuterated Mister Spidey Man. He thought he was great Surgereon!

PFFT Joey you haven't seen ANYTHING at all like good surgery!!

Hello Mister Otter I am Dr. Tan Torkelson. I think that you have one too many arms...

HMM This one looks to be an EXTRA arm...

I got right to work on prepping that ARM for removal...

I started to remove the arm when Dr. Stains started YELLING because he did not want to be proved to be LESS skilled than ME!

So the OTTER arm is still on for now, but I will be planning more surgeries soon!

FINALLY I would like to share a great joke with my friend Ammy of the Army of Four. She loves great jokes so here is one...

Look, an OTTER POP!!!!


Sunday, June 28, 2009

Lets have a great week...

So earlier today Tanner and I were outside catching some rays before it got BLAZING hot out and Tanner just kept talking and talking. He was saying, hey buds hey buds hey buds I think that TODAY I really can see Laska going home. You can see by the look on my face that he was seriously annoying me, but maybe for once he was right?

Then Mom logged on to her Facebook and saw a note from Khyra's Mom that LASKA WAS HOME??!?!?!?!?!!! OMDOG! The Doofus was right!!! We really hope that this is the start of a great week for DWB!

Since Tanner kept the faith and kept on trying to will Laska home I thought I would give him a break and let him sleep by me.

Just don't cross the Otter Tan Dorkelson!!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

More fun with toys...

I forgot to mention that yesterday was my Dad's birthday and he is now like 945 years old. Then Mom reminded me that I am also kinda old so lets just not talk about that anymore. Lets talk about these toys Mango the Maltese kiddo sent...

We also got some delicious snackables with the toys, I can't wait to eat a million of those.

After I performed my expert surgery on Spidey, I moved to the otter dude.

He is pretty fun and I had a good talk with him. He told me that it is REALLY hot here in the desert.

See what I mean??

I told Otter dude that I would hook him up with a quick hair cut so he wouldn't be so uncomfortable...

Tanner actually left me alone for once, maybe he is FINALLY learning to respect me!!

Mom said it doesn't matter if he does because he is adorable. WHATEVER.

I am going to go sit in front of the air conditioner and think about Sophie and NOT Lacie. She is spreading rumors about us KISSING, which you KNOW is a total lie because I belong to Sophie.

Friday, June 26, 2009

It is the best medicine...

And now I'd like to bring you a bit of a smile and maybe a laugh. We got the toys from Mango in the mail the other day and they are so much fun.

New toys!
We got an Amazing Spiderman toy and an Otter! Tanner hogged them both at first because he is a brat.

Playing with the otter
He is a little menace hogging both of them.

surveying the destruction
Mom, can you believe how selfish he is not sharing with me??

He better be careful, if he keeps rattling what little brains he has in his head he might be in for some serious trouble!!

I finally got a turn with the Spidey toy...

The AMAZING Spider Man is much less amazing after being neutered. I may be 10, but I still have some skills!!!

Thanks for the pressies Mango, we LOVE them!!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

DWB happenings...

GUYS there is a lot of really sad and crappy stuff going on right now so if you want to do something to make you smile for a bit, go on over to Ike's blog and enter his photo contest. Get your camera out and do some summertime smiling!!

Tanner and I are meditating for Laska, Bear, Dakota, Patience's sister, Huskee and Hershey's Mom, and all the other doggies and humans who need our strength and support right now.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Tan Torkelson DEER SLAYER!!!!!!!

Joey totally rescued that WHEELY baby!! Can you believe it?! Well he is not the only HERO around here... I saved my family from a giant terrible scary DEER!!! Joey was off being Detective Stains and Dad was totally asleep and Mom was uhm in that Shower when a GIANT DEERS came in my yard!!! (Note from Joey: which is surrounded by a 6 foot concrete fence in the middle of Scottsdale)

I TOOK IT DOWN and totally destroyed it to BITS!!

This SINGLE deer antler was the ONLY THING that survivorated the BRUTAL and LETHAL attacking!! You can see that even I am shocked by my super DEER slaying POWER!!

I was thinking about starring in my own movie called DEER HUNTER but Mom said that was already made. hmph, that stinks.

Oh well I am just happy to SAVE MY FAMILY and have this tasty deer antler to chew on!!

(another note from Joey: you can buy one of those online in several stores. No completely made up vicious attack of a totally imagined deer has to happen. They are called Antlerz and they have withstood a week's worth of the Doofus's chewing with very little wear)

Monday, June 22, 2009

The Funnest War Ever!

Eduardo the snuggle puggle is having a WAR on his site, but its a fun war so you need to go over and check it out. As you may know Eduardo has lots of dogs working for him and he is having a contest between the employees of the month vs. the non-employees of the month. I am judging the Most Dufus Look Competition since I do live with a Doofus and have daily experience with his Doofus Faces.

To confirm my expertise in this category I present the following photos:

Look at that Doofus!! He thinks he is a little baby or something?!

Look at that face, and look at the droplets all over the pillow next to Mom, that little Doofus totally sneezed all over her!!

P.S. We got a Pawesome package from Mango the Maltese Kiddo today and I wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH! We will post about the pawesome contents of the package later this week!!

P.P.S I am still doing lots of work trying to find Asta's nephew, this might be the toughest case I have ever been on!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Father's Day!!

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Happy Father's Day to all Dog Dads and people Dads!!

Friday, June 19, 2009

My services are needed...

I just found out that while we were gone Asta's wheely nephew was DOGNAPPED by some evil birds! They have no idea why and there have been no demands made...

This is clearly a job for Detective Joe Stains.

I did some preliminary research on birds and then got to thinking...

I thought I would go on the internet and see what I could find...and look what I came across...

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This looks like some rudimentary design for a WHEELY BIRD?? I don't know if this is related, but it certainly is curious...

No worries guys, I am on the case!!!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Update from the Desert

Our aunt left today and we will miss her. As you can see from the photo above I got busted being kind of snuggly. Stupid pupperazzi!!

Just an update on me, since I am sure you all wondered what I have been doing while Tanner has been playing mr suck up. Well, my poos are improving, I have been watching baseball and working on my tan.

Tanner has been sucking on this thing...

Its a deer antler and it has him quite perplexed, but I will let him tell you about that tomorrow...

We will be catching up on bloggies this weekend, we have missed you guys a lot!!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I didn't FORGET, it is TANNER TUESAY!!!!!!!!

GUYS my Aunt is the coolerest she shares her yogurts and toasts with me in the mornings and she totally spilled lots of that bird food and I ate that TOO!!! OMDOG!! We will be back on THURSDAY for reading blogs and regular postings, but for NOW...


I am happierest to spend this time with my AUNT?!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Visitor from the East!

My Mom's sister is going to be here later today from Pennsylvania!! She is here until Thursday so we won't be blogging much or checking bloggies, but here are some pics and a video to hold you over! I will try to stop in and update you on the fun we are having!!

sunning friends


Did you see I was SO CLOSE to getting one of those birds!

Friday, June 12, 2009

New Toys!

Right before we left for our weekend in the mountains we got a package!!

another package!

pressies from Blu and Comet
It was from our good friends Comet and Blu!! We won their GUILT contest where we explained that our humans gave us delicious cheese from Holland after they came back from their honeymoon because they felt so guilty for leaving us. Look at these great Camo toys! THANKS GUYS!!!

I got the bone and made Dad play with me!!

Then I got right down to chewing and making it squeak...

GAH Dad knock it off!!

Can you see how happy I am about our new toys?! Thanks again Comet and Blu!!

Tanner likes to play Tug so Mom played with him...

He always looks like a Doofus, but Mom thinks he is cute.

Finally here is a video where Dad thought he was done playing and I had to politely remind him that I was not...

Hooray for new toys!! Thanks guys!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

My humans stink

My humans have been neglecting me big time. I really need them right now Yankees are getting killed by their rivals the Boston Red Sox :(

I can barely watch :( :( I know the score here doesn't look bad but this is like the 8th game they have played this year and the Red Sox have won them ALL!

I bet I'd feel better if you shared some of those chips with me... PLEASE???

Last night while the game was on do you want to know where they were??

Watching the Dbacks?! While I was at home sobbing watching my Yankees lose. They better make this up to me this weekend or I might just go to Canada...

Tuesday, June 09, 2009


UMMM Lets just say that MAYBE the plans for that Water fall are on hold...

and maybe I am GROUNDED again?! WTF?!?!?!?! how did Mom find out?!?!?


Monday, June 08, 2009

Tanner Learning Day!!

So I came OUT of my bomb shelter for a bit to see the humans but they are SO BORING...

All they do is watch that baseball or read those books. Books are good for standing on, but I dunno what else??! See Dad is reading some Frankenstein book which is probably scary. You can see it bored me RIGHT TO SLEEP...

I wanted to see what Mom is reading because maybe it was more interesting. WHO IS FRANK?!?!?!? omdog?! She said he is an ArrKiTech. Is that like a technician that is a Pirate specialist?!? hmm no she said he makes houses and buildings and he was also quite a character! Hey, he sounds kinda like ME!! I am designing a new Bomb shelter and I am a character for SURE.

Because my humans collect those books like they are going out of STYLE of course she has OTHER books on this Frank dude. Lets see what we have in here...

HEY this house is on the way to our Gram and Gramps house. HOW cool is that?! I asked Mom if that is why she likes this old dead dude so much and she said NO its because when she was in school she got to go visit one of his most popularerest houses, Falling Water. She got to go TWO times and really loved it.

Here it is in that big book. It said that this house is built over a water fall and the water even comes IN the house and there are steps leading all the way into the water!

What do you think guys, should I add a WATER FALL to my Bomb Shelter?!?!?! Do you think Mom would mind?!?!?

Maybe these Books arent SO BAD?!