Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Tanner is oblivious...

Tanner doesn't seem to realize exactly what he has done. You know that saying, ignorance is bliss?? Well, Tanner is the most blissful dog I have ever met in my life. Mom said that is why he is so wonderful and lovable, but whatever, I think he has no idea what he is in for! Lacie has decided she wants to go on a D A T E with Tanner??!!!!

I tried to talk to him about it...

He was all, "WTF". Notice he is laying ON my chicken toy that I got from Sophie. He is such a toy hoarder!

I tried to explain that he is in deep doo doo and of course he was all...


Then he went right back to chewing on his toy and holding my chicken hostage.

I was at least able to rescue my Princess Chicken, she was in a dire position and may not have survived had I not intervened...

Who knows what else he has stuffed under that log-like body of his. Hopefully he figures out a way to take his corn shank on this date...and a photographer, I can't WAIT to see this!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Doofus Award!!!

Disclaimer: I, Joseph Brain Stains, have absolutely NOTHING to do with this post. I was not even in the same ROOM when it was made. I now turn the blog over to Tanner, and again, I am not associated with this post in ANY WAY!!

WHATSSSSSSSSSSSUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP guys?!?!? This is Tan Torkelson, no longer Horkelson cuz like I totally puked all that cheese curd up! ANYWAY...

Joe did his STAIN AWARD that everyone loves so I thought it is time to give out the DOOFUS AWARD!! wooo!!!!!!!

So like, I think this pic totally speaks for itself...

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OMDOG what is that dog doing?! Who is that dog?!?!?!

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It is LACIE! WTF is she DOING??!?!?!

She misunderstood a BIDET which the french people use instead of TOILET PAPER LOLOLOLOL!!!

She thought it was one of THESE thingies...

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OMDOG Lacie you are BAD!!!!

For that you have won the COVERTED DOOFUS AWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!

doofus award

UMM NUFF SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Stain Awards...

I must assure you all that Tanner is totally fine. He is currently in the snuggle ball sleeping off his weekend. I would also like to clarify that TANNER updates on Tuesdays and that I have NOTHING to do with his updates or content.

Now for the IMPORTANT information. It is time to give out another round of the coveted STAIN AWARDS!!!!!!!

Our first recipient is Martha. She entered this remarkable soaking stain and I was very impressed. You can check out Martha's post here, and view the stain below.

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The next recipient is Petey and some of the terriers who crashed Westminster dog show...

Petey's effort was tremendous!

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This is BEYOND worthy of the Stain Award.

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Finally we have Pearl's artistic entry. Her Mom was less than impressed but I loved it!

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Congrats to you all, these are all well deserving of the STAIN AWARD!!

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Monday, February 23, 2009

Tan HORKELSON on Tanner Tuesday!

WHATSSUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPP????????? I am back from Ike's and boy did I have FUN!?! OMDOG my wife was like a little bit upsetterest over the um BABES at that fishing place but like mostly the weekend was SUPER. I sure hope I can go back again soonerest, like maybe next weekend!?!

Before I left I wanted to stop by a place in Minnesota my Dad went to last time he went there to visit his GRAMMA who lives there too! I wonder why Dad didn't give me his GRAMMA's address, hmmm ANYWAY...

This place is called NEISENS and its a fun bar with FOOD too! ALLRIGHT!!

I ordered just like a couple of things, mostly cheese curds and then Aire Ruby showed up to take me HOME.

I got home and was like uhhhh oooohhhhhhh I don't think I feel so gooderest in the tummy place...

UH LIKE if you think BARF is extra super gross DO NOT SCROLL DOWN!!!!!! Because OMDOG all that food sorta came back out of me?!?!

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OMDOG that is the first pile, I think that is bar peanuts and LEINENKUGELS beer!!

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UHH that is like omodog hooooooaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

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So like that was um the curds and ummm I dunno what else?!?! OMDOG woops. Joey said I am so not even eligitable for that STain award cuz I puked on that tile. DAMMIT!!!!! er I mean, DANGIT. I promised Lillie I would try not to use so many HBO words.

oh dear...I think I am going to go to sleep now. Tan Horkelson OUT.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Ice Fishing and the handoff

So if you have been over to Ike's blog, you will see that it appears that Tanner may have made a giant stain. I am so sorry Ike, but I sure hope winning the group at Mango-Minster was worth it!

Mom got some more pictures from Tanner, who wanted to go ice fishing while in Minnesota. Ike was kind of skeptical, given Tanner's recent behavior, then he saw the folks Tanner was hanging out with...
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Tanner couldn't convince Ike to come on over until they noticed another group of ice fisherWOMEN. Oh dear lord in heaven...avert your eyes you young pups...

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Ike and Tanner sure didn't avert THEIR eyes!! Shortly after Tanner's wife Lillie showed up and hauled his butt OUT OF THERE!!

lillie and tanner
Tanner is now recovering from severe stomach aches and is probably getting a tongue lashing from his ever patient wife. I haven't even heard from Ike to hear what else that little menace may have got into...I am sure Lillie will take good care of him tonight.

He is back tomorrow morning and I am sure I will hear ALL about it...

Friday, February 20, 2009

Tanner in Minnesota...

Tanner is in Minnesota visiting Ike. I just got an update on what he has been doing so far and I feel bad for poor Ike.

Before he left, Tanner bought this thing, because he refused to have his feet touch snow.
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Now I see why he needed a helmet!!

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The first place he wanted to go was the Mall of America. Tanner sent Ike to go buy him even MORE Cotton Candy and took his stupid tank car on the Roller Coaster! This was after he rode it and screamed like a girl the whole time!! Poor Poor Ike :(

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Tanner then HAD to go to Culvers Butter Burger. Ike was looking a little bit worried that after all the cotton candy and other snacks, this might not be a good idea.

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Then he saw Tanner ordered TWO full meals, and he got REALLY worried...I sure hope that Tanner doesn't make any stains over there!! I hear that Tanner is making Ike's Mom carry him outside to do his business, so I sure hope he doesn't get a mad case of the screamers all over her!!! At least he is wearing his sweater like I recommended. He sure packed enough clothes, he better wear them all!!

So long Tanner!!

I am so glad that Tanner is out of here for the weekend. He has been totally hogging the snuggle ball and its making me MAD!!

Do you see me??? Do you see where I am forced to sleep because that little menace is in the snuggle ball????

ARGH I am so MAD at him! He even looks like he is smiling!

So earlier I sent him outside to wait for Aire Ruby to take him to Minnesota to hang out with Ike.

Not sure why he has a helmet, but ya know what, that is not my problem this weekend!!

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Healing Vibes

You guys are so great, thank you all for going over to send some love to Bogart and his family. You guys are the best. I can tell you for sure that all the healing vibes work...look at Tanner's face...

That dot is almost completely GONE! Now he is back to a regular old Doofus Face.

He didn't want to show his face because he thought that dot made him look more handsome, or it made him smarter.

I assured him he will always be cute...

But he will also always be a Doofus...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Stop what you are doing and go visit Bogart!

I need you all to go RIGHT NOW to Bogart's blog and send some healing vibes to his Dad who is in the hospital.

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Thanks Asta for this great pic!

If you do NOT I will be angry...


And you won't like me when I am angry!!!


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Tanner BIRD Fun Times!!!

So like later this week I am totally going to fly up to hang out with IKE who won that bad sporty group over at Mango-Minster!!! he lives in Mini Soda just like my WIFE Lillie. Maybe we can ALL hang out?!?!?

ANYWAY these birds in my yard are A$$HOLES!! They eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and they STILL won't even hang around to PLAY after!!! I am so TOTALLY over them!!!

Could you see me telling those birds to GET OUT if you aren't going to play with me?!!?! Don't mind that LOUD bell in that one movie, it was just the TIMER that tells Dad when to stop watering that yard.

the other birds get out of the way when they come around
These birds are the BIG TOUGH GUY birds, they are like Joey. They say I AM EATING now so all you little birds have to get out of that way!!! omdog HOW RUDE. Like who knew birds were such complete JERKS!!! argh!!

Anyway, I bet you are sick of hearing about these STUPID birds so later this week we are giving out some STAIN AWARDS!!!!!!!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Even when pouting, I remain handsome...

Some dogs asked what it looks like when I am pouting...well here it is...

I still look handsome...

Just a little grumpier than usual.

Mom is grumpy too because she said she had a CRAPTASTIC day at work, so I am going to go stick my tongue up her nose to make her feel better. She is so lucky to have me around...

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Flying Times

First of all we got LOTS of Valentine's cards in our email and we can't thank you guys enough, we loved them all!!!

So lots of you commented on the giant plane I showed you, it is this:

"The Super Guppy is a large, wide-bodied US cargo aircraft used for ferrying outsized cargo components. It was the successor to the Pregnant Guppy, the first of the Guppy aircraft produced by Aero Spacelines, Inc. Five were built in two variants, both of which were colloquially referred to as the "Super Guppy."" -Wikipedia

I think it would be perfect for Aire Ruby's lineup of planes!!

Look how easy it is to load, Mango and the substantial dogs would have no trouble getting in there!!

Mom and Dad went there because Dad is a huge airplane and tank nerd...

All those magazine sized books are about planes and tanks. Can you believe it?? When they were talking about the planes at the base Dad already knew everything the guys were saying! Too bad those guys don't make any money or Dad could just go work there! LOL!

Speaking of flying, Mom bought a SECOND bird feeder because she got a visit from some very special birds.

That is a Peach-Faced Lovebird. They are from Africa but there is a wild population living in Phoenix, isn't that cool??

There are even mutations that are blue. Mom has seen 5-6 so far and thinks they are so pretty.

I have come to realize they are NOT that scary, because they don't really hang around when we are outside. They realize they need to respect us!

And those wind chimes you all heard in the super creepy Hitchcock movie are real, Mom has then on the patio and they warn me when the weather is getting bad.

So that wraps up my flying post, if you guys are ever in AZ you should visit the musuem...

If you take the boneyard tour you end up seeing over 4400 planes!!!

I am definitely going next time!!

Friday, February 13, 2009

R and R

Right after my judging duties at Mango-Minster I was whisked away to my Grandparent's house because my Mom and Dad were going to some airplane museum.

I needed the rest so I wasn't too upset when they explained there were no dogs allowed...

But now I am kind of ticked off...

NO DOGS??? REALLY MOM??? She was totally wrong, the sign said dogs ARE allowed as long as they are on leashes!! WTF?!?!??!!!!!! I mean, I love my Gram and Gramps, but look at all this cool stuff they saw...



They even had a plane big enough for Mango! I think next time we go somewhere with Aire Ruby we should see about renting that thing!!

I am going to go pout now because I didn't get to go see all those cool planes :(

Thursday, February 12, 2009

It is over...

My judging duties in Mango-Minster are over and I declared the winner...


Ike totally won. AND it had nothing to do with fact that he offered to take Tanner for a while...

I guess he should be flying his happy butt on up there soon... HAVE FUN IKE!!!!