Joe Stains: August 2009

Name Game and Tag and award

We have a lot of stuff to cover today! First of all we have been tagged by our friends the Dughallmor Beagles to talk about stuff we ate.

This could take up a week's worth of entries, but I will just do some highlights.

ME: Lets just talk about the actual edible things I ate and swallowed, not the stuff I chewed up. (that would be about a month's worth of entries.) I ate a taco I found on my walkies, most of the wrapper too. I am fast! I stole a hot pocket from my uncle once and ate most of that before Mom got it back. I also shark attacked my great gram and got most of a plate of nachos. Did I mention I am fast??

Tanner: Right after he came here he found a donut COVERED IN ANTS on our walkies and ate that. He ate an Oreo cookie he found on walkies too. I think the chocolate consumption explains a lot. (we used to live in an apartment complex and people were always dropping food for some reason.) Tanner also stole half a chocolate cupcake at Mom and Dad's wedding. again, the chocolate consumption and the death of brain cells is really telling. Tanner also stole a bag of chex mix while Mom was in the bathroom one day and I MAY have had some of it. Maybe. I was out of there the second the bathroom door opened. Agian, I am FAST!

Ok, next our friend Ike has tagged us to talk about our names and how we got them.

ME: My name is Joseph Brains Stains. The name Joey just came upon my Dad one day as he looked at me. My first Mom named me Woody, which Dad did not like. No offense to my buddy Woody the bull terrier, but it just did not suit me. My middle name is Brains, as I am the brains of this operation. Finally Stains is self explanatory. I made a LOT before my Mom met my Dad...and a few after.

Tanner: We have no idea why Tanner is named Tanner because he was sent to jail by the family that gave him that name. As for his name of Doofus face...well, just watch this oldy but goody...

Doofus Face from Rhonda on Vimeo.

Finally we have an award from our new friends, Mack and Sally Ann

Thanks guys! We love making new friends.

I will end with a very handsome photo of me with my Yankees blanket, as this is why you come here. right?

Thunder chicken, an interview by TAN TORKELSON

HELLO! This is TAN TORKELSON ace reporter for the Torkington Tribune. Today we are going to do an interview with some dog who is scared of EVERYTHING. Can you believe such sissy dogs exist dear readers??? WELL this is true and I am bringing you that story...

TAN: HELLO Dog in the bathroom shaking, what is your name????

Dog in the bathroom: Knock it off, you know who I am Tanner.

TAN: Please crabby sissy dog, I know but maybe our readers do NOT!!!!

Crabby dog in the bathroom: My name is Joseph Brains Stains

TAN: Thanks Mr Stains, can you please tell us about a shirt Mom got you because you are a sisssified nancy dog??

JBS: DO NOT make me kick your a...

TAN: WOAH buddy, this is a FAMILY publication sir, no HBO words!!!

JBS: fine, I got a Thunder Shirt and it really does help me, so I don't care if you think I am a wuss, it totally shows off my muscles. It was not a miracle cure, but it did really help. I paced less, I panted less and I laid down and seemed more relaxed.

TAN: WOW Joe that sounds really good, where can my readers buy one of these shirts for baby dogs??

JBS: I am so biting your butt when we are done here Tanner. You can go to their website and order it there. They even have a money back guarantee so if it doesn't work, you can send it right back.

TAN: Can you send it back if you pee on it???

JBS: I am done with this interview now. Thanks Tan Dorkelson.

TAN: There you have it readers!! Exclusive interview with the elusive Stain Master himself. I think that went really well, I can't wait for your feedback!!

Tan Torkelson out. BOING.

4 years of Tanner...

I can't believe that Tanner has lived with us for FOUR years! If you don't know Tanner's story, he was born in Ohio and was living with a family there and they decided that they were all of the sudden 'allergic' to him. (probably had NOTHING to do with the fact that he chewed EVERYTHING in sight.) So off Tanner went to jail, scared and alone. Then my nice Aunt Patty, who does lots of work for the Ashtabula County shelter, happened to be at the shelter and saw this shivering lump of Boston Terrier in a cage. She of course called my Mom and Dad and asked if they were interested in giving him a furever home since they already had one wonderful, charming, handsome and charismatic Boston. Seeing as how I do not have thumbs I was unable to intercept the call in time to scream a resounding NOOOO. They said YES and Tanner was whisked out of jail into foster care at nice Aunt Patty's house. She then drove him all the way across the country to Arizona, and 4 years ago today that journey ended.

then MY journey began. I had to learn to share. I had to learn to have my sleep disturbed. I had to learn that Cowboy Pig was not indestructible. I had to learn that Mom and Dad did not belong to just me. I also had to learn that my new brother was a DOOFUS. So I guess that if I had to have a Doofus brother, I am glad I have this one. I guess.

Petey sort of sums it up tho...

Thanks for the great card Petey, but I don't know how much of our deposit we'd even get back at this point. hehe.

BUT the good news is, we got WISHBONES to celebrate Tanner's gotcha day!!

YUMMMM

Tanner dove right in to his...

I prefer a more studious and measured approach.

Um yes, did I mention he was a Doofus??

Not convinced???

Still not???

Mom says these are wishbones... I am about to make my wish...

CRAP he is still there!!

I think this thing is broken!!

Oh well, Happy Gotcha Day DOOFUS.

More Show Low pics

So you all saw me with my blanket totally MAD at my stupid humans for messing up the cabin. DINING CHAIRS IN THE TV ROOM!?!? I can't live like that!!! argh. I thought I would give a full report on the thunder shirt, but Tanner said he wants to interview me about it this weekend as part of his new journalistic endeavors. So instead I will share a couple of photos from MY perspective of Show Low.

As you can see Tanner turned into an alien in an ugly sweater as soon as the sun went down.

And boy did I laugh for a good 10 minutes about that shirt. He had NO idea what it said, but it is the absolute truth. He is ALWAYS up to something and that something is usually NO GOOD.

Finally, this fabulously handsome photo of me is just to make you smile because tomorrow marks the 4 YEAR anniversary of Tanner's gotcha day aka THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

Tan Torkelson DIRECT FROM SHOW LOW

WHATSSSSSSUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPP!! Tan Torkelson reporting after another FUN weekend in that Show Low cabin!

We did LOTS of walking around and leaving pee mails!!

I also had to do BIG GROWLERS to tell those neighbor dogs I was in town and this was MY MOUNTAIN!

Can you see me? I am SO tough!!

But our MAIN GOAL was PRY MER and PAINT. I told Dad to GET TO WORK!!!

I was supervising the WHOLE time. Mom said I had to wear that shirt in case I decided to get some paint on me. She must think I am a Doofus or something.

Of course while I was being the best supervisor I made sure my HIDDEN CAMERA was up and running...

What is that Blanket doing in that kitchen???

It is not a blanket, it is crabby JOEY. He was SO MAD that it was cold and we were moving around all those chairs that should be in the dining room.

Here is secret camera footage of the crabbiest dog in the whole wide world...

DID YOU SEE HIM!?!? LOL carrying that stupid blanket around then he'd curl up under it all over the downstairs.

He is such a DORK, I mean, he doesn't have a cool jacket like ME!? I am here letting Mom and Gramps have a painting break but then I told her BACK TO WORK LADY.

Then I snuck off for a nap, LOL. Being the boss is good!!

We are back and terrible bloggers...

I realized we didn't even tell you we were going to be gone all weekend again, I am thinking about firing Mom, she is a terrible secretary.

We went back to the house in Show Low and helped paint and primer and I tested out my new Thunder Vest, it actually seems to work pretty well!!

We will post more but here I am looking pretty snazzy!

I kinda like it!!

It stormed a bit and got really dark and misty and weird. I am glad to be home and I will be catching up on blogs this week and sharing more about our weekend.

Menace

So apparently Tanner doesn't realize that I can READ the blog even though he is the one posting! Well, as my pal Ike said that was simply a negotiation for butt scritches. I have to give Dad a little bit of a smooch to get him going.

After that I immediately stole that shoe Tanner was chewing on...

NO affection there for SURE!

But in the future, I think I need to hire someone to check for bugs or hidden cameras. Anyone an expert at this??

Sorry we haven't been posting or commenting, Mom went to some super nerdy thing last night called DiggNation...

She said it was so great and so funny. WHATEVER lady, get back to blogging. sheesh.

Super Secret HIDDEN CAMERA post

It is TAN TORKELSON here...

STAR REPORTER for the Torkelson Tribune. I went UNDERCOVERS to do some reportings...

Here you see me just doing chew chew chew...

Joey does not know he is being SECRETLY recorded by my super HIDDEN camera...

I invite Dad in and he does NOT KNOW either. omdog, wait until you see what this STAR reporter captured...

YOU SAW IT. That is one JOE STAINS Grumpmaster flash giving SMOOCHIES. KISSIES. SMOOCHIE KISSIES.

I broke this story first, JOE STAINS AFFECTIONATE BOSTON!!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOL!!! Mom said next time not to stare DIRECTLY into the hidden camera like I did at the end. WHATEVER, a star reporter is BORN!!

Its the end of the world as she knows it...

So my darling dear Sophie is getting a sissy or a brother today. Can you BELIEVE IT?! She is getting a greyhound. *gulp* If you did not know, a greyhound once bit the top of my ear off at the dog park. You can click here to read about it (You can also see very handsome photos of me when I was young and pics of a young cowboy pig - go ahead and look, I can wait...)

So now that you are all caught up, back to the subject at hand. What if this greyhound is a vicious ear eater like the one that bit me???? I decided to tell Tanner to do some research and get back to me. (younger siblings ARE good for something)

OK that JOE said tell him about those Greyhounds. OK This book says LOTS to know about dogs and stuff.

It totally must be GOOD because Dennis the Viszla dog wrote it!!

OK here is that greyhound page...

JOE it says GENTLE and SENSITIVE!!! NOT VICIOUS!! It also says DOCILE but I don't know WTF that means, must be like FRENCH or some crap. but I think Sophie will be OK Joey.

I wonder what that book says about BOSTON TERRIERS...

OMDOG Playful and very affectionate...

NOT! LOLOL. More like Grumpy! Joey must be some other breed or something.

OK Doofus...you can go back to whatever it was you were doing, your research is OVER.

So I guess I am a bit less worried about Sophie, I do hope she can adjust to having a sibling. and I really hope she doesn't get a DOOFUS.

Affectionate...that book is CRAZY...

Thunder Joes!

Hey guys, my Thunder Shirt came in the mail yesterday!! If you haven't heard of them, you can check out their site. Stella and a couple of other dogs mentioned them so Mom thought she'd give it a try since it does have a money back guarantee.

It has not stormed in the last 2 days since we got it, but Mom put it on me as the instructions recommend I get used to wearing it in non-stormy situations so I don't always associate it with a bad or scary thing.

It goes on nice and snug, so that it works by applying pressure in the right places.

I think it totally shows off my muscles, don't you agree???

I kind of wiggled around in it at first...then this happened...

I got really, really sleepy...

Did you see me?? I was practically asleep until I heard my Dad messing with something, but then I laid right back down. I sure hope it has this same calming effect next time it storms or there are fireworks. ASU's football season starts soon which means the STUPID noisy cannon and fireworks will be going off and we will definitely get to try the shirt. I will totally let you know how it works!!

Cowboy pig is OK

Don't worry guys, Cowboy Pig is ok and Tanner is in for it BIG TIME...

I got him back from the Doofus and told him I was so sorry.

The poor pig never hurt anyone, he has just been a friend...

I spent some time consoling him, and myself. It was terrifying seeing him in the jaws of the Doofus.

Then we rolled around a bit like the good old days! I sure hope Tanner is ready for this 'date'. I think he needs to write a letter to his wife to be sure she understands how he ended up in this hot water!

TAN TORKELSON REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!

So that grumpy old Joe said I CANNOT blog more than just on Tuesday. WTF?!??! What a jerk right?!?!?!

Well, I think I have a way to convince him that I CAN blog more than just one day...