Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Sunday, May 31, 2009

We are back!!!

We are home guys!! Mom is tired and so are we but Mom wanted to share a picture of the ride up...

Mom kept complaining about not being comfortable on the way up, I mean it was only 3 hours I am not sure what her problem was??? Tanner did complain a little bit but whatever, I was pretty comfy and could see out the window just fine!!

We will post a ton more pics tomorrow and will read all your blogs! Forgive us if we cannot comment on all of them! Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOPHIE!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Info on Scooter and a super amazing giant surprise!!

I asked Tanner some more questions about where exactly he dropped off Scooter. He said it was at his house, which was a giant mansion with lots of fancy cars. DOH! He then got a phone call from Scooter saying that he sort of couldn't stay there anymore because he sort of PEED all over the nice carpet. I don't even KNOW where he was but I do recall them talking a lot about Snoop Dogg recently. ARGH. So Tanner rushed out, even though he is GROUNDED and took Scooter to 'his place'.

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Something tells me that Sunny won't be seeing Scooter anytime soon. Mom was NOT amused, then I saw this...

getting ready to go
That is her Dbacks bag packed with some food magazines and her dbacks pajama pants. OH NO Mom is running away because Tanner is SO bad!!

food for the trip
Then I saw that stuff which appears to be our food, treats and some pasta about to be cooked. Maybe Mom is taking ME with her... FINALLY I am getting out of here! No more Tanner!! HASTA LA PASTA Doofus Face!!

But oh no...what is THIS...

The dog first aid kit is packed and ready for the weekend away
The Bow Ow kit? That is only necessary when traveling with a Doofus...

This thing is the best. Tom's aunt got it for us.
Its full of things to assist Mom when Tanner gets himself injured.

Now I am CONFUSED. What is going on????

That is when Mom said we are going away for the weekend...ALL of us! AND Gram and Gramps!! Holy CRAP!??! I am so excited, but not too excited that I didn't forget that Tanner was grounded. It is SO not fair that he gets to go too!!

We are going to my Gram and Gramp's cabin in the mountains! OMDOG! We are going to celebrate Mom's birthday and Mom and Dad's 1 year wedding anniversary! HOW COOL!

the cabin from the front, kinda haha
I went there a couple of times BEFORE Tanner came along and now we get to go back! I am sooo excited. Mom said she promises I will be able to relax because look at what she is bringing to amuse Tanner...

New toys for the trip
A new corn AND new baby puppy teething keys! OMDOG!! So I won't be back until Monday and I will miss you guys but I am so excited!!! The only thing that stinks is I will be away for My Sophie's birthday, but luckily she already got my present!


P.S. Do you think Mom will pack my Snuggle Ball??

Can we bring the snuggle ball??

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Le Package!

We got a package yesterday, and it was addressed to my Mom in care of Tan Torkelson...

Oh dear, I'd be suspect if I didn't see that it was from Beckett! He is my gorgeous girlfriend's twinner. Unlike Scooter and Tanner, they actually look exactly alike. Speaking of Scooter...rumor has it Tanner may not have dropped him off at home as he is still MIA. If you happen to see him wandering around PLEASE call Scooter's Mom or Sunny.

Anyway... inside the box was a note...

pressie from Beckett
Mom cooks and she has ruined SO many of her shirts by getting food on them and Beckett's Mom is a master sewing lady, so she made Mom a smock!! How cool is that?

OK so here she is modeling it and making a Doofus Face. She would also like me to tell you that she is NOT pregnant she is just standing funny because of Tanner's SUBSTANTIAL weight. Seriously, the dog weighs like 300 lbs.

THANKS Beckett and Beckett's talented lady for the cool smock!!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Tan the grounded dog...

I AM GROUNDED?!?!? Can you guys EVEN believe it???

Scooter and I decided to try to make some of that good BBQ food ourselves and we remember watching all those peoples pouring on that lighting fluid and then having nice BBQ fires. We didn't know that you did not need the ENTIRE bottle and maybe some gasoline and maybe some kerosene just to make it start!

SO we called that Fire Department and they came but then I was like OMDOG you guys have to POSE for a picture first for my BLOG OK!?

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SO while we did that, a garage sorta BURNED. WOOPS!!!!! So now I am grounded. I had to take Scooter home and now I am stuck here...

So since I was home I had to find something FUN to do...and here it is...

Did you see me go BOING BOING BOING!!!!!!?!?!?

Don't worry, when Dad was done he gave me that bottle!

So I got one GREAT Package in the mail today and I will get to post about that tomorrow!!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Happy Memorial Day!

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Saturday, May 23, 2009

Back in the saddle again...

I am feeling better and my poo is getting firmer slowly but surely!! I am so ready to be done with this because I have not been able to have any treats OR chewies or ANYTHING since my butt broke!

We discovered Tanner's "Twin" Scooter has been sent to JAIL for Memorial Day Weekend while his sister and Mom are off together. Tanner was NOT happy when he found out and flew off to help him...

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Sure enough when he got there poor Scooter was incarcerated. They found a basket and got the heck out of there...

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I am not sure what all they are doing but I did see a couple of photos...

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As it is Memorial Day weekend they have stopped off at a couple of parades, so far I have not heard of any major mishaps.

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They are also randomly dropping in on people's BBQ's across the south. I sure hope they behave themselves.

I will just be here relaxing and enjoying the silence.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

More from TAN Torkelson!

Sooo Soldier Boy Stains would like me to report that he had a PRETTY normal poo today! Mom was so happy she was running through the yard like a lunatic, thank DOG we have a 6 foot fence or someone would be calling in for Anti-Sykotics for HER too LOL!!!

So Joey is still in seclusion in the west wing for the most part because he is 'medicated', so I decided to find something to do with my time...

I was hanging out practicing my KARATE when Mom came in with a present for me... (ya I know Karate, have I not mentioned that??)

OMDOG BOING!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOING the DRINK!!!!!

OMDOG and the best thing is that BOING in ESS PAN NOLE is also, BOING! Lorenza, can you read that can???!!! I was so excited but then Mom reminded me I was supposed to be PRACTICING...

I am SOO gooderest at Karate because I can look TWO places at one times.

I am also FIERCE...

I battle the CUZ because that Joe is off trying to get that soldier out of his butt and he won't YELL at me for touching his toys.

Bad Cuz has some GOOD moves right?!?!

OMDOG he is RELENTLESS...!?!?!


DID you see my eyes at the beginning of that movie?!?! Joey was coming and I had to pretends like I was NOT playing wiht his Cuz. OMDOG he is sooooooo grumpy!! lol.

Joey said he should be back TOMORROWS for postings.


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Tan Torkelson REPORTING!!!!!!!!

Hello, this is Tan Torkelson ACE STAR SUPER reporter for the um Torkelson Tribune. I have a BREAKING story to report here from um well, OUR house.

See this grumpy asshole dog to my left?? That dog had to go to THAT VET today because his stupid BUTT is still BROKEN and making lava instead of dog logs. You know what Joe said that VET said??

Joe said he has an attack of BACK TEARIAS in his Lower GI!!! WTF ?? Joe thinks he has a poor military soldier boy in his BUTT?? omdog this story is getting GOOD and joey has lost his MARBLES.

SO he said that VET game him Anti- Sykotic pills!! OMDOG MY BROTHER IS CRAAAAZY!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!? And guess what else he gets???

PASTA??? WTF?? I want some of that!!

So apparently to get GOOD food around here you have to imagine you have soldiers stuck in your butt and then get bad poos??

I sure hope they make a Lifetime TV movie about this story because this might be the biggest thing this reporter has EVER covered. What Joey?? It might be the LAST thing I cover?? hmph.

Don't listen to him, he is CRAZY!

Also, BOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

(Note from Mom: Joey still had less than firm poop so we took him to the vet, apparently has a lot of bacteria in his intestines but all the other results were fine. He has no parasites and nothing else alarming so he is on antibiotics and half food half pasta or rice for the next week.)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


I am trying to get Smarterest guys, which doesn't leave me much time to relax or um have fun. But I have found something that is SUPER fun!!!

ok. right now do this. Just yell BOING! omdog are you totally SMILING?!?! Do it again...

BOING BOING BOING!!! omdog lololol

ok watch, you can do BOING in lots of times...

This one is the best...

OMDOG try it with YOUR friends. Try it RIGHT in your brother's ear he LOVES that. I hope its like the new catch phrase like COOL and PAWESOME! BOING!


Monday, May 18, 2009

Monday again!

I swear it feels like it is always Monday to me? We got an award from the OP pack and Mom lost the picture, but here it is...

Here are the rules attached to this award:

1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Copy the image above, the rules and the questionnaire in this post.
3. Post this in one or all of your blogs.
4. Answer the four questions following these Rules.
5. Recruit at least seven (7) friends on your Blog Roll by sharing this with them.
6. Come back to BLoGGiSTa iNFo CoRNeR (PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE THIS LINK) at and leave the URL of your Post in order for you/your Blog to be added to the Master List.
7. Have Fun!

Questions & Your Answers:

1. The person who tagged you: OP Pack
2. His/her site’s title and url:
3. Date when you were tagged: May 11, 2009
4. Persons you tagged (see below)

We tag you all guys, we never know who has got awards or not because Mom reads like 349590 blogs a day! THANK YOU to the OP Pack for this pawesome award!!!!

Tanner is confused about a lot of things how he got caught and said he wants to be 'smarterest'. So he has decided that he will 'catch smarter' from me. Which leads to this...

Yes, he is TOUCHING ME.

He said he thinks that some of my 'smarters' might leak out and go to his brain. Good Luck with that Tanner!!! I need a vacation...

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Tanner is back home again...

As you guys all read Tanner is in trouble yet again for dragging Dad's books all over trying to find a pay phone. He managed to stack them all on Dad's skateboard and wheeled them to the nearest phone. He then forgot how to get home and had to call Dad to pick him up. We don't call him a Doofus for nothing.

I was at home sunning when he finally got back...

For some reason he came and whispered to me that he got the books home and Dad will never know what he did...

HE PICKED YOU UP DOOFUS?!?!! I wonder how long he will be grounded for this one...

Friday, May 15, 2009

A friend in Need II

So I tolds you guys about that MUTINY over at Dennis's Pig Factree and that he needed help. Well Mom said I can't go flying around anymore cuz of what happened at that DBACKS game so I had to thinks of something else.

I thought about who helps and I remembered something I saw on that TV...

These guys were ALWAYS helping so I thought I'd look in here for clues...

This guy is the olderest and wisest guy on that MASH.

I have to get in touch with Sherman T. Potter. I bet that T stands for TANNER because that means a smart name!!!

I then had another problem...I can't reach that phone!! I know what, I will just use some of Dad's books to stand on. I am sure he doesn't care even though he bought them from Ebay and they maybe cost a lot of money and maybe shouldn't be stood on but WHATEVER!!

JOEY come over here and helps me buds!!

OMDOG he said he is NOT going to get caught with his paw anywhere near those books. WHAT A JERK!!

So check out what happened over at Dennis's blog...

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But as you can see I made it to that phone ok!!! (picture by Dennis)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Breaking news...

The Dbacks STILL STINK! Mom and Dad went to the game last night and they got KILLED!! The Yankees are still pretty terrible also.

Mom and Dad did get to see a guy's very first ever at bat in the MLB and he hit a Homerun!! Mom got a movie of it...

Finally I was able to capture the "Earthquake" that keeps hitting our TV room...

SCARY eh? We promise some more exciting updates this weekend, Mom said she is 'tired' after 'working'. WHATEVER.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Tuesday the DBACKS STINK day!

GUYS my Dbacks stink. They fired their coach guy and hired some guy named A.J. who NEVER ever even did that job for one day before?! They could have hired ME! Anyway...

I was watching and like Eric Byrnes my favortitest player made a TOTALLY DUMB base running move and I was like NOOOOO this Lacie Training he is doing is messing him up!!!

Then I found out he is starting his own Clothing line. WTF??????????!?!?!?!?! You can't be worrying about making clothes when its TIME for BASEBALL and your team STINKS?!?!

I can't imagine where he got this idea from...who do we know that LOVES fashion??

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OOOH my Dbacks are in TROUBLE?!!? My Eric is Under the Influence, the new Manager is clueless and everyone else seems to have given up on this year!!

I need to go BITE THEIR BUMS and get them in GEAR!!! Lookout A.J. Hinch...

You haven't heard the last of ME Tan Torkelson...