Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Wednesday, October 31, 2007


This story may be VEERRY scary for you dogs, so consider yourselves warned!!

I was perplexed about what to do with my newly possessed Doofus brother, so I got out the Boston Terrier books that we have.

I can't find anything in here about demons, but I did go in and underline the parts where it says that we are probably the best dogs ever made. At least that is basically what it says...

So I was off to find some more information. I perused Mom's movie collection and found the EXORCIST. This sounds informative, it must be a documentary!

UMMM dogs, seriously, DONT WATCH THIS MOVIE. OMDOG I might have left a stain on the carpet! BUT before I had to shut it off and go find Mom for hugs I did see some useful scenes.

One said I need a Bible. CHECK, I got one of those. It also said I need holy water. I don't think we have that?

You think Corn Whiskey is the same thing??

Oh geez, it sure better be, look at the Demon Doof!! YIKES!!


Mom took over at this point, I don't know what happened...

She found the way to rid us of our demons...FREEZE DRIED BEEF TREATS!!!!!!!!

I was fighting her all the way...

Thank Dog Mom was able to get rid of the demons in both of us...she was like oh no it didn't work and I said sure it did Mom, we are just STARVING!!

feed us

I hope you all had a happy howloween!!!!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


JOe Said PEOPLE are sad so I am going to say one SCARY HOLLOWEENY story!?

This is NOT ONE Tanner I have taken over the Body of one TAnner like a POSSESSION and I am HALLOWEEN DEMON TANNER named um WHATSUUUUPDEMONGUY!!!!!!!!!!

LOOK DEEEEEEP INto my evil and Darkness eyes and I have to tell you one thing...


I WILL ALSO take Control of that OTHER dog and make him into one skeleton that lights up in the DARK but falls down a lot because HE HATES his shirt!!

CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED! THe Haunting WILL persist as long as I am I mean, TANNER IS PUT IN HIS LITTLE HOUSE?!?!?!?!??!!!!!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Please just go...

I am very tired from the party. I am sad about Janie our WFT friend who is sick and I am very unhappy about the World Series.

Please come back tomorrow for your daily dose of Doofusism, hopefully it will cheer everyone up.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

We are back from the party, boy are we tired, but I had to come up with a limerick for Stanley's new sissy Stella.

Stanley's new sissy Stella is 1/10th of his size
But boy was that goober in for a surprise
When she got to his place
She was all up in his face
Poor Stan couldn't believe his eyes!

I managed to get Tanner out of his can, it took a couple of tries but he is back. I think he is kind of mad at me?

um, sorry, I mean um I am not laughing or anything. *teehee*

Thursday, October 25, 2007

We are ready for the halloween party!!

We are all ready for the halloween party in Salem!

Tanner is a pumpkin, a nice big fat juicy pumpkin!

I am a wizard, a stain wizard. I have MANY powers, most of which I control with my stain wand! Now, don't get any ideas...this is my stain wand...

See it there by my feet, its not a chop stick I swear, its a MAGIC STAIN WAND!!!!

I thought, I have all these magic powers and Ruby is so nice to pick us all up in her awesome plane so I thought I would do her and everyone else a favor!

*no pictures of this part, a wizard must have his secrets*

PRESTO CHANGE-O I present to you...

TANNER!!! He will take up so much less room in the plane and be SO MUCH LESS ANNOYING! Heck, he might enjoy the whole party from inside the can if nobody objects?!

So I have Tanner and I have my travel case...

Take a look inside...

you are supposed to fill it with food and water but I am going to stuff it full of lobsters when I am in massachusetts.

I am looking to the sky for Aire said the party is not for a couple of days? well, I am sure she won't mind if I leave Tanner in his can until then, it has to be better than his little house!!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Oh the Doofus

So as you can imagine, Mom did not fall for Tanner's tricks but you have to admit he is at least TRYING! When she went to go to work this morning he was shaking and shivering and looking REALLY pathetic. SO she tried a new tactic. She can shut off all the rooms except our small sitting room/dining room/kitchen by blocking the office entryway. She did not have a baby gate so she slid Tanner's house into the entry way and slid the garbage in front of the gap, BUT it was not enough to contain the doofus. She came home and he was in the office and had got in teh office trash. She doesn't really care about him getting trash but if he chews up a cable or cord it could be lights out for Doofus!! So she is going to get a baby gate so he can't squeeze his butt through. By the way, when Mom and Dad came home I was still in the kitchen, I did NOT go through the barricade. That, my friends, is why I am the best!

So a while back we won a caption game on Boy and Baby's blog. WELL we got a fabulous collar in the mail from them as a prize. THANK YOU Boy and Baby. The collar is VERY handsome, but I decided to give it to Tanner because of this...

His collar is FILTHY! Mom has decided light colored collars will not work for him anymore.


Oh its so fun to be the blog owner and post naked pictures of your brother!!! woo!
See, I am not always angry! I get a good laugh now and again! (I was not laughing during the World Series tonight and that is all the more I will say about that subject)

Tanner looks pretty darn cool in his new collar. Thanks again Boy and Baby!

It certainly must be comfortable! He would like for me to point out his T tag because it is VERY special to him from a special someone!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Tanner TRICKING Moms Day

SO WHATSSUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP GUYS? Today is Tuesday and everyday I hate my LITTLE House and I do not want to go into it. SO today I decided that I could make a TRICK for MOM To say OMDOG Look that one Tanner is already IN his LITTLE house and then she goes to work and I am NOT really in my little house at all!

I said, OK JOE look inside of that Little House and see I AM ALREADY IN THERE?!!!!(CAN YOU SEE ME POINTING?)

Joe went into that house to see it CLOSER and good thing I am not mean Tanner cuz I could close that DOOR and say NO GET OUT NOW JOEY!!

Joey knocked me over, and then just started Laughing?! I do not think that I know what is SO FUNNY?

He said That will NOT work because Mom is smarterer than that?! Then he just runned away laughing saying something like Doofus?!

So I guess that one is not a good idea?!?!

Ok what about this...

I will TOTALLY let you know if this one works ok beacusee I HATE MY LITTLE HOUSE!!!!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Sunday was not a fun day at my house :(

I was all set to watch the steelers, I was in bed and comfy.

But the Steelers were playing like CRAP!

I told Tanner, don't watch, its just too sad!!

Tanner got so upset he hid under the bed, he just couldn't stand to see his team lose. Then I was cursing out the Denver Broncos and had to explain to Tanner that the Denver Broncos were the bad guys this week, BUT the Colorado Rockies are now our only hope of defeating the Boston Red Sox.

At least Mom was nice and gave us some of this awesome stuff...


Then we went and pouted some more.

I hope you all had a better sunday!

Sunday, October 21, 2007


We have had a lazy weekend so I don't really have anything exciting to post. I have mellowed out a bit since my last post, don't worry.

I have been looking online for a pink tuxedo for Ike and Martha's wedding, but I am not having much luck!

I found this, but uhhh I think part of that shirt is like um girl parts?

I am still looking, don't worry Ike and Martha!

I don't have much to add today but I hope everyone is having a GREAT weekend, go Stillers, Go Indians!!

This extra handsome picture of me should make your weekend better!

Pee S. I updated my links to add all the doggies that peemailed me!

If you don't see yourself and want to be linked email me, josephstains @ gmail. com

Thursday, October 18, 2007

I am Joseph, hear me ROAR!

If you read the description of my blog, you will see that it says this is a blog about an ANGRY Boston Terrier. I have been trying real hard lately to not be so angry, just to make Mom happy. WELL, I am sorry but today I am angry. Ok, the last few days I have been angry, but that is just how I am and you are going to have to deal with it!

You might wonder why I am angry, well I am just angry in general, like most of the day. BUT there are some specific things that made me upset recently.

1. My parents are horrible, mean, terrible, awful, selfish jerks!

Look what I found on Mom's camera.

That is ALBERT FREAKIN PUJOLS there folks and Doggies and Hamsters!!

They have been going to the Arizona Fall League baseball games without me and they saw Albert Pujols who is like a super awesome MLB player for Gus Dagger's St Louis Cardinals. I LOVE BASEBALL! I am a baseball FREAK! BUT do I get to go to these games? Do I get to eat Nachos and Hot dogs and take dumps on all those minor league Red Sox players?? NO?! I sit at home with the DOOFUS! Which nicely segues into reason number....


I present to you the Doofus begging for Dad's ice cream sandwich.

First of all, he didn't even let me know Dad had this, I had to find out on my own, so then I got right up front in the begging line...which is where I belong. Do you SEE that look the Doofus is giving me?! The nerve of that little brat...

THEN he has the audacity to give Mom that POOR ME JOEY NOSED IN FRONT OF ME TO BEG look! Look buddy, I was here first. This guy was MY DAD first and I am also the BEST. Finally we have...

3. Neither of us got ANY of the ice cream. I blame Doofus.

I am going to go be by myself for a while.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Lots of things to cover here.......

(I know it is technically still Tuesday in the US but whatever, here is my entry as it is still MY blog)

First of all, can you all BELIEVE what that darn Doofus did?! I cannot even believe that little brat and I live with him! He keeps running around talking about how the trash can simply "Sploded" everywhere and he was just helping clean crumbs out of the carpet. I am not sure how he explained the box of triscuits he RIPPED open or where the 10 or so Triscuits in the box went, but I certainly did not eat even one. ahem. On to other things...

Lots of dogs visit my page, I want to be sure to put you in my links, PLEASE email me your blog linky here, josephstains @ gmail .com (if you are new to this, take out those spaces I put in that prevent spammers from emailing me viagra ads) and I will have my lazy Mom update our links soon! Also, if you comment and I haven't come to comment on your blog YELL REAL loud and Mom will add you to our bloglines so we know when you update! and now on to...

Important things, like baseball. Tanner does NOT understand why we are cheering for Cleveland to win this series so I had to give him a little lesson. The most important thing you must learn is this:

BOSTON SUCKS! Not Boston Terriers, and not any friend in boston, and not even the city, but the RED SOX! They are the worst team and you cannnnnot cheer for them!! (The doof seems a little intimidated by my teaching style?)

So then I explain to him that this is why he is allowed to cheer for his hometown team, The Cleveland Indians. If you didn't know Tanner was rescued from a shelter in Ohio by my Aunt Patty and then she drove him alll the way out here. So he has some old loyalty to Ohio. BUT NOT THE BROWNS?! What do we do to the BROWNS Tanner?!


Then we POOP on them!?!!! (sorry aunt patty, no browns stuff was REALLY pooped on in the making of this entry)

So we are just about to end the class when Tanner said,


I do not want to talk about the Yankees right now, Doofus face.

*sigh* Maybe next year?

But for now...Hey Red Sox...

You can KISS MY BOSTON BUTT?!! wooo gooo CLEVELAND!!!!