Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Are you ready for some hockey??

We are going to watch the Olympic hockey game today and just hide in the house because it is RAINING. It has been raining a LOT here in the desert this year. Thank goodness I have a new toy to play with thanks to my readers choice win at Mango Minster. This came in the mail this week...

Mango Minster prizes for Joe
Thanks buddy!! I can't wait to shred it!

Mom wants to thank you all for the great advice about my food. She is just so happy that I am not straining and going 39 times a day. I was so excited I could poop normal that I went in front of the TV 3 times this week!! I was just sharing in the excitement!!

In addition to the food changes, Mom finally gave up and sacrificed a drawer in her dresser for our clothes.

shirts, bandanas, sweatshirts
We have quite the extensive wardrobe.

Coats, scarves, etc
She put our jackets and the thunder vest in a tote, so she knows where everything is now. Unfortunately, while doing this she found those AWFUL puppy pajamas she bought me.

I would prefer if you do NOT look at the following picture, but Mom insists on posting it.

She calls it 'say cheese'

No, really, I am super happy about wearing pajamas.


Have a good Sunday guys!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

This is a post about POOP

So if you have been reading the blog for a while you might remember that I have had a couple of different kinds of dog food over the past couple of years. I have also been to the vet several times because I just cannot seem to digest anything right and I have really bad poops. The vet stole my blood and ran all kinds of tests (twice) and everything came back perfect. DUH, I am about as perfect as you get?! But this did not make Mom happy because I was still not digesting and I was going to the bathroom a billion times AND I was starting to get too skinny. So Mom said ENOUGH?!?!?


Dad and I were like WHAT?! (Notice Tanner is having NO issues with maintaining his um plump figure, talk about a wide load...I am surprised he doesn't beep when he backs up)

Anyway. So I thought Mom was going to let me STARVE to death or something, but then she told me she was going to figure out what was making me sick. So she made some brown rice and gave me that for lunch with some sweet potato baby food. Well, guess what... I MADE A PERFECT POOP...

ON THE CURTAINS! But, Mom was so happy it was a normal poop she really didn't care. You have to realize it had been weeks since I had a solid poo. She was so happy. So she slowly started introducing other stuff into the rice and veggies and determined that Chicken made me sick, Fish was kind of ok, but BEEF was a total winner!!

Mom was so incredibly happy. I mean, look at how skinny I am...

I hope you all love my shirt, Sophie got it for me! I know I look pretty muscular here but really my waist is TOO skinny and Mom can feel my spine and my ribs stick out. Mom gets so sad looking at me sometimes.

So I have been eating raw beef for 5 days and I have great poops. So now Mom is going to work toward getting me a totally nutritiously balanced diet.

So far I get beef kidney or beef stew meat. She also made dog friendly beef broth for on my breakfast of rice and carrots. She ALSO made me a big thing of beans in the crock pot. AND I get fish oil. Once we figure out what all I can eat that doesn't upset my tummy, we will go to the vet to be sure I am getting all the right stuff I need. Mom is also considering giving me raw bones, but she is kinda nervous. So all you dogs out there that get them, tell her I MUST HAVE THEM. Because I REALLY want some :)

The only BAD thing about all of this is I don't make stinky farts any more. Even with the beans I get at lunch everyday, NO STINKY FARTS. WTF?!

Oh well, if anyone has advice for Mom she would really appreciate it. Oh, and Tanner is still on his ultra-premium fancy dog food and veggies. He could eat a hockey puck and still have perfect poop.

So that is my good news. I am on a pawesome home made diet and can't wait to gain some more weight back! So you know this means GIANT STEAKS FOR EVERYDOG for JoeyPalooza!!!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Tanner TUESDAY Joey is grumpy.

So you know we have not been blogging over that weekend because Joe is very sad about our friends that have gone over that rainbow bridge. He has also been doing lots of DEEP thoughts because his birthday is in TWO WEEKS and he will be 11 years old. WOAH old man alert!!

He was sad so he said I have to be so serious on this Tanner Tuesday...

OMDOG this is so SERIOUS...

BAHH! Couldn't do that for very long. Joey you need to stop being Mister Drama Queen and start remembering that you are only as old as you FEEL.

He feels like a pouting old FART HEAD if you ask me. But then I reminded him he has some VERY good news to share...

and he said OH YA I DO! So stay tuned for Joey's good news. It has to do with FOOD and POOP so holy cats it will be a GREAT POST guys.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Tanner and the O-Rings

So Tanner and Owen have gone off and formed some kind of Club for Doofus Dogs with our dearly departed friend Wally's brother Oscar. The most disturbing thing is not that these space cadets all managed to get together, it is the fact that they have elected TANNER as their LEADER.

Ya this guy...

big tongue

Leading other dogs... should turn out REAL GOOD. eesh.

Meanwhile, I gotta share some super cute Valentines I got in the mail last week

Highly disturbing looking see that little girl boston looking rather um fuzzy...

AHH. its from the BEAST. crikey. The mail man should really start inspecting my mail before leaving it here!

Thank dog I also got this cute one from Mona so that I could calm down a bit.

Mom got Dad this great photo of Yankee Stadium for Valentine's day...

I think its really for me too. I cannot WAIT for baseball to start.

I am going to go enjoy some peace and quiet since Tanner is off in his stupid party bus.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Tanner likes to PARTY ALL THE TIME!!!!

WHATSUUPPPPPPPP it is Tan Torkelson Party ANIMAL?!?! On a THURSDAY??! That is right it is TIME FOR THE WEEKEND. Well, some people have to work on Fridays, but not if you are a DOG!!! LOLOL

So Joe told me that I could have that short bus then I found out that the short bus is not a nice thing. SO I told Joe, SCREW YOU and I did this to my bus...

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I made it into a PARTY BUS and you know what I am going to do....

Party with my NEW BFF Owen C. Pickles. That is right, Joey's girlfriend Sophreaking Mean got another new brother and he is my BFF. His name is OWEN but I like to call him O-Dog.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Check out the inside of my bus...TOTAL PARTY WAGON! LOOK OUT WEEKEND HERE WE COME!!!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

This is TANNER and I am spreading the SUN

People and dogs are sad so Mom said lets go for a walky and see some SUNSHINE. AND lets take some pictures so we can SHARE that sunshine with our friends!!

Our neighbors sell oranges that were in the Navy! How cool is that?! I am looking for them in this pic but can't find any. Maybe they STEALTH oranges.

Here we have some plants that are messy. I dunno WTF plants they are but they are silly looking.

Joe always has to be in front. I don't know why. He is a butthead.

FINALLY we end up at the school by my house.

Joey said this is my bus, the 'Short Bus'. Sheesh Joe, sorry I called you a butthead when you got me my very own bus!! What a brother!!!

I hope you guys enjoyed our Sunshine on this Tanner Tuesday. We promise we will be back to posting and reading again real soon!!!


Saturday, February 13, 2010

Why we do this...

Mom cried a whole lot today. For Wally and for the Human Dad of our Airedale friends, Penny, Poppy and Patches. Sometimes, it is easy to get frustrated, discouraged and totally sad about the losses we experience here in the DWB community. But even though right now I look like this...

Do Not Disturb the Great and Powerful Stains

The fact that we are crying over a dog and a human we have never actually met truly explains why we spend hours a week reading blogs. It is also why we constantly try to bring laughter and happiness to our blog friends. We are so lucky to be able to know you guys and to be able to feel a connection to someone or some dog who may be 200 or even 2000 miles away. We will forever miss our friend Wally but how amazing is it that we even got to know him. And now, because just knowing you guys makes us so proud to be dogs... a Doofus Face that BETTER make you smile...

Oh the Doofus Face

So to end this post, a Golden Oldie for my pal Wally, Penny, Poppy, Patches, Me AND for all of you... Thank You for being a Friend...

Thank you ALL for being a friend.

Friday, February 12, 2010

No laughs today...

Today we lost our dear friend Wally.

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We are going to miss him so much, please go send some love to his family

We will never look at a watermelon again without thinking about you buddy. I hope you get all the wallymelon you want over the bridge. Oh, and bacon too.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010


Guys, my Dad is hosting TAP DANCE CLASSES in our office...let me know if you want to come over and DANCE!!

You see how good we are already?! Dad can teach you guys too!!

Sometimes you just gotta DANCE!!!


Yes Tanner, you are adopted
I got a new shirt?! BOL!?!?!?

Tan Torkelson so you THINK you can dance OUT

Monday, February 08, 2010

Happy Birthday to the Beast...

So I managed to totally avoid the BEAST yesterday. I don't want you to think that I really dislike her or anything...she just scares the CRAP out of me. In fact, today is her birthday and Mango and some friends made this for her...

You ladies will definitely enjoy this!!

So head on over to her blog and wish her a happy birthday!!

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Duck and Cover

So the LACIEBEAST has been leaving comments about going on a FREAKIN DATE with her instead of watching the Super Bowl since OUR Steelers are not playing. So I just completely ignored her and pretended like I never saw the message. I think it WORKED guys. I just gotta remember to not answer the door today at all.

So Mom has some bird feeders in our yard that I have told you guys about before, but if you are new here are some of the COOL birds we get...

These guys are Love Birds, like Sophie and I but not as good looking. Arizona has a huge feral population of these birds, and nobody knows how they got here. Mom gets real excited when they come to the feeders.

We also get these guys which are red winged black birds. They are super awesome looking.

Well, yesterday we had the most unexpected visitor to the feeder ever...

WTF?! Don't worry, I barked my head off at that stupid cat and he took off like a rocket. Nobody gets to chase the birds at our feeder but ME! oh and Tanner, but really, like he has a chance!! omdog, if that CAT can get up there...what if the LacieBeast could too?!?! I am going to go hide in my snuggle ball now....

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Thursday, February 04, 2010

And the winner is...NOT ME

So, I did not win the Bad Sport group at Mango Minster BUT I did TIE for Reader's Choice. That is REAL important because that means YOU GUYS really like me. Not Ike, who is not getting any pizzas tonight since he didn't pick me. BUT I can understand because I did pick HIM to win last year and it might look kind of suspect, but really, that is what being a bad sport is about right? I forgive you Ike, I know your Mom MADE you not pick me. You may not want to be around her if she happens to get any packages in the mail soon...

Since Doyle ran that total smear campaign proving that I was a good sport, he showed how much of a good sport HE was by sending me this...

Now, he won the honorable mention for the Bad Sport group, but doesn't this prove he is actually a good sport?! hmph.

I HATE LOSING :( BUT I will get over it.

To make myself feel better, here is a picture of Tanner looking fat...

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Tanner Public Services

GUYS!!! I have a SUPER SERIOUS public nouncement to make!!

There is new EVIL furniture that EATS YOUR CUZ and does not give them back to you no matter how much you FIGHT IT!!!

OMDOG Could you SEE ME?! I was furiously trying to free the CUZ!

EVEN that Joe Stains COULD NOT get the Cuz out!!?! WTF?! Please beware of these furnitures ok?! P.S. UMM if you called and tried to leave a message...our answering machine kinda may not be ummm working quite like it is sposed to...probably because that EVIL FURNITURES killed it.

AND ANOTHER THING... I think Petsmart is doing strange things in their 'Pet DayCare' center...I think it is some CRAZY science lab. not a crazy humpmeister Lab like Dexter...but like Honey I Shrunk the Dog Lab...

OMDOG! Seriously, that one dog is like SO TINY and that other dog is like SO GIANT then the other two are OBVIOUSLIATELY CLONES!!

PLease Beware of these VERY scary and dangerous things I have discovered.

Tan Torkelson investigativering reporter OUT

Monday, February 01, 2010


Today is the day we picked the winner for the 1000th post contest! We thank you all for leaving the wonderful comments, it makes Mom so happy to know you guys really appreciate the work I force her to do to keep this blog running.

Mom got all the names in a bowl and then, for some unknown reason, let Tanner pick the winner.

He failed at picking a winner when the names were in the dish...

So Mom put them on the floor...

And finally got smart and put the names BACK in the dish and had Dad choose. (don't mind all the tissues around Dad, he is sick. Don't worry I am taking good care of him)

The winner is...

Ozzie and Rocky! Their favorite post is any post that had Cowboy Pig. Well, ME TOO! Congrats guys! Please send us a pee mail at josephstains @ gmail .com with your address so Mom can send out your prize. She won't be able to send it til Saturday, so don't harass the mail man this week!

Thanks again to everyone who left a comment!!