Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Tan Torkelson scares the whole family!!!

OMDOG guys it is Tan Torkelson and I have to tell you about what I did this week and why we have not posted.

Ok so like it was Wednesday morning and Mom said WAKE UP TANNER and I said I do not want to wake up. So Mom said wake up and she picked me up and I stood up and jumped on the floor and then I said NO and just laid back down. Mom said WTF?!??!

So then she noticed I was shaking and I couldn't lift up my little head and then she saw my neck was like 3 times bigger than it should be and she was like OMDOG and I had to go to that vet. The Vet said OMDOG he might have the Valley Fever OR he might have a ruptured disk. So they took some pictures of my neck and my insides and they stole my bloods. The pictures did not show any rupturation or weirdness in my neck so they gave me some ROIDS and some sweet pain pills and said we will see if he has that Valley Fever. and guess what...MOm had to wait til TODAY to find out that I DO NOT have the Valley Fever (if you don't know what that is you can google but its basically a stupid fungus in the southwest that makes you get infecterations in your lungs and can spread to your spine.)

SO I do not have the fever and I do not have a rupturated disk so I do not know what is wrong that my neck got SUPER fat and I was sadderest except maybe my brains got SO HEAVY from learning so much from that TV.

OMDOG so many words!!!!!!

So here is a picture of me suffering from ROID RAGE and here is one of Joey suffering from...

JEALOUSY because my brains are heavier than his!!!

Tomorrow is my Mom's birthday and she said the best present is that I do not have the Valley Fever.

ALSO this is what life looks like on Pain Pills. LOLOL.

Tan Torkelson heavy weigh brain is OUT.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Tanner Tuesday at my NEW HOUSE some new stuffs

We got this table and it is soo tiny.

But then you can make it big so you can eat at it. I like it and I also want to eat all those lemons.

My Dad went to see those Dbacks play baseball and I looked like that. I do not like it when my Dad is not here.

Mom told me I got an award from the Army of Four! BUT we have not gone to pick it up yet. BECAUSE...

Mom flew over Kansas and over that rainbow.

BUT NOT REALLY!?!? OMDOG. joey said I am getitng worse not bettering because all I do is watch that TV all day. Can you even believe that?! TV MAKES YOU SMARTEREST I swear.

Tan Torkelson TV only rots your brain if you have one OUT

Sunday, May 23, 2010

More house stuff, sorry if we are boring!

So we don't have a lot going on other than getting the new house all set up, so I am sorry if we are boring. At least it is not Tanner posting!!

Tanner and I do some GREAT security work at the new house. He really has no idea what is going on but if I start barking, he shows up and barks with me.

We got another snuggle ball!! Mom and Dad kept having to drag the other one back and forth between the bedroom and our daytime prison area. So now I have a nice green one!

Also, Mom got this crazy thing. It is an owl sitting on a book. During the day it soaks up sunshine and at night does this...

Where does Mom find this goofy crap? She loves it though, so I guess it is ok. Actually for the first 30 minutes it was in the front yard Tanner and I barked at it like maniacs. Mom had to take Tanner outside to show him it was just a fake owl.

Finally, all this work around the house is very tiring. So we have to be fortified with some coffee. Mom drinks black coffee, Dad drinks things that she says are not really coffee but milkshakes with a dash of coffee.

Either way, they smell delicious. My Gram drinks these too and she ALWAYS lets me lick the caramel out of the lid.

Did you hear me Dad?? She ALWAYS lets me lick the lid...

Ahh, I have these people so well trained!!! I hope you all liked the house stuff, if not, sorry...that is all you will get for a while!! LOL

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Walking Wednesday with Joe Stains

I am going to do a walking wednesday, just like Khyra, with videos and everything.

Tanner shared the park with you, but he didn't show his lard butt lagging behind!

He was like a mile behind, Dad and I always have to wait for him!

He does that stupid Commando crawl too, which slows him down. I think he does it just to rest because he can't keep up with me.

He is also jealous of my awesome kicky skill. Mom calls this the moonwalk!

Finally this pawesome photo of me looking totally tough AND handsome guarding my new house. I told Mom to get a statue made of me in that pose to put out front!!

I hope you enjoyed our walking Wednesday!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Tanner Walking Tuesday!!

There is this super pawesome park right up the street from our house and we totally walk there at night and see lots of cool dogs on the way. We saw one dog that looked like Sophie and it looked like it wanted to eat us so we just said bye.

this is our park, isn't it SO pretty?!

It is a BIG open area with some houses on the edge and stuff. There are no fences so we have to be on those leashes but it is still a LOT of fun. We didn't have anything like this we could walk to at our OLDEREST house.

So pretty right?!

The park is like sunk in from the streets so Joe likes to go to the top of the hill and say I AM THE KING! I say, ok whatever dude.

The park is next to the elementaraian school my old Dad went to. It says NO DOGS so we can't go in there to learn anything.

Here we are walking on our street, we hope you liked that look at our COOL park. Joey will post some movies soon too!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Reporting on Mother's Day it is TAN TORKELSON

SO I told you I was going to tell you ALL about Mother's Day and I am ! We went to my Gram and Gramps which is like just a SHORT car ride now so I don't have to smell Joe's farts for like a half hour anymore!

I wanted to eat all that food. It smelled GOOD.

But then my human cousin said NO that is not food for dogs. And you might think that is soooo meanerest, but then look at this movie...

She MADE Gram give us some CHEESE!!! She is the BEST cousin. I dunno what the deal is with that JOEY IS FIRST business from Gram, but I can forgive her I guess!!

My human cousin is still my BFF and I don't even try to hump her anymore, we are just PALS!

Joey just stayed in that kitchen the WHOLE time hoping he would get some snacks. and he did, everyone feeds Joey because he looks TOO skinny. Then everyone says I do NOT look too skinny. WTF is that about?! I am just big boned!!!!

ALSO, the humans had tacos and my Dad has the best taco rack in the world.

He is a PROFESSIONAL taco eater!!!!!

Ok that was mother's day and I love my human cousin and we hope you all have had a greaaaat weekend.

OMDOG and also being locked up with Joey all day is the BESTEREST and don't let him fool you he loves Days of Our Lives and wants to be a bad guy like Stefano Dimiera and I want to be a good guy and handsome but Joey siad I am too fat.

Tan Torkelson Soap star hunk OUT

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

New House, New Rules, New Neighbors

So as Tanner explained, he is no longer locked in his little house all day. He is locked with me in the tiled part of the house. Yesterday we were in there for like 30 hours while Mom and Dad were at work and he would NOT SHUT UP.

I was MAD. I looked like that picture up there. I mean, how can he talk so much??

Today we were locked in together and I knew I was in trouble because his 'story' was about to come on the TV. He LOVES Days of Our Lives but he really doesn't understand a lot of it so he asks me a MILLION questions! It was just about to start and I was feeling ultra grumpy when I heard the front door opening...what in the??

It was MY GRAM!!! She came to rescue me!! I mean, US! She took us to her house and we hung out there all night while Mom and Dad did this...

Yep, Mom and Dad went to see the Dbacks lose. again. The whole time we were at Gram and Gramps and it was pawesome. We are literally five minutes from their house now. When Mom and Dad came to pick us up I was snugged in bed with my Gramps and I didn't even want to go home!

So far the new house is great, I will be sure to get some pics of me looking handsome in it.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Tanner Tuesday from the NEW HOUSE

SO like we totally MOVED to a new house. It is still in Arizona, but closer to my Gram and Gramps who give us a billion treats.

SOme dogs were like OMDOG you have just rocks that is so crazy. BUT in that back of the house we have grasses!!

LOTS AND LOTS of grasses!!!

The kitchen has STAINLESS steel apparatuses. That means that JOEY cannot use them because he is Joe Stains.

This is what we see out in front of our house. It is NICE and quiet not a busy street like where we used to live!!

This is the room for TV watching.

There is a window for watching EVERYTHING on the street!!

There is even a house for our truck!! It gets to live inside now too!!

There is a door like this that can be open but we cannot get out. This is GREAT for watching the street and protecting our house!!

This is a room where the humans eat and Mom keeps her cooking books.

This is our bed that we let Mom and Dad sleeps in. LOL. Mom got that crazy new bed stuff and its BRIGHT!

This is the room where Joey and I live all day while Mom and Dad are at work. I do not have to be in my little house! I get to be in that room and the kitchen with Joey and we get to watch that TV and I get to talk to him ALL DAY LONG. It is so great.


This is a beer bottle that hangs from the sky in the truck's house. The bottle tells Mom to STOP so she doesn't crash into stuff and break our house!!

I hope you liked my house touring and there will be more and also I have to tell you about Mother's Day because it was the besterest.

Tan Torkelson House Tour Specialatist OUT

Monday, May 10, 2010


We are back and we have heard that Jackson the great WFT crossed the rainbow bridge. We thought about not posting after hearing the news, but Jackson would not have wanted that at all. We all need each other right now.

Here is my new house!!! It is pawesome!!

We will post more now but wanted to let everyone know we are back and we are celebrating Jackson's life!