Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Boston Terrier

Maggie and Mitch asked us to tell you all about the Boston Terrier breed. Bostons are probably the BEST dogs ever, at least Boston Terriers named Joseph Stains. Mom said that is an opinion, not a fact, but what does she know she works with computers all day, not dogs.

Boston Terriers are the first breed created in America to be recognized by the AKC. We have been around since 1870! I think that is about how long Mom has been around too! (teach her to give me grief about stupid facts and opinions) The first Boston was created by crossing a Bulldog with an English White Terrier.

In learning about the Boston Terrier I have come to find that Tanner might actually be his own breed of dog, the Doofus. He certainly does not reflect the attributes of the Boston Terrier, which are as follows:

*Highly Intelligent

big tongue
If this is what high intelligence looks like, we are in BIG trouble in the dog world.

*Weighing from 10 to 25 lbs, typically in the vicinity of 15 lbs

the doof
christmas is coming, the doofus is getting fat...
I think Tanner's neck alone weighs 15 lbs!!

Now there are several things that are absolutely true regarding myself and the breed standard:

*Due to the Boston Terrier's markings resembling formal wear, in addition to its refined and pleasant personality, the breed is commonly referred to as the "American Gentleman."
The first night Joey and Tanner met
I would definitely describe myself as refined, pleasant AND gentlemanly! Don't you think??

*While originally bred for fighting, they were later down bred for companionship. The modern Boston Terrier can be gentle, alert, expressive, and well-mannered.


We're out of CHEESE???

shock and awe?

dog porn

I did find a statement I really liked and that Mom should read SEVERAL times:

Terrier only in name, the Boston Terrier has lost most of its ruthless desire for mayhem, preferring the company of humans, although some males will still challenge other dogs if they feel their territory is being invaded.

I have felt my territory has been invaded everyday for the last two years! OUT WITH THE DOOFUS breed!!!!!!!!

32 Stains:

Blogger Ike said...

Hmmm ... I had no idea you loved the doofus in that way. I'm ok with gay dogs though, so I will still be your friend.

5:30 PM  
Blogger Asta said...

OMG Joey,
Now I finally know what wefinement, intelligence and good manners are..thank you fow the education..I'm almostest one year old so this is infowmation I should definitely the Doofus going to tell us about his bweed too?
ahemmmmm, aren't you supposed to not say nasty stuff about each other? or is the mowitowium over? hehehehehe
smoochie kisses

5:31 PM  
Blogger tcath1962 said...

Thanks for enlightening the blogging world on what a magificant, intelligent and handsome breed we are! Let's face it--Boston's are best, hands down!
Ozzie & Rocky
Two Wild and Crazy Guyz

5:36 PM  
Blogger Rockford said...

Joe! I can appreciate some of those facts... but how many times have you been able to watch a great war movie and see a Boston Terrier in it? Hmmm, what kind of Dog would you find in a good WWII movie... hmmmm. Well, now that I think of it, the dogs are usually fighting for the wrong side. oh well.

5:42 PM  
Blogger Seadra & Zoe said...

Our Mom especially loved this post because we have a boston that lives in our house, hey that's me!! I sure can relate to a lot of that stuff that you wrote about.

You are too funny and we love it!!

Love, Seadra

5:50 PM  
Blogger Super Boy & Baby-Licious said...

Mama says her next dog will be a Boston, that is for sure.

Boy n Baby

5:53 PM  
Blogger Sophie Brador said...

Joey, Joey, Joey, I know you don't like girls, but you might want to consider a girlfriend anyway.

6:26 PM  
Blogger Luckie Girl said...

Hey Joey,
OH wow, that's really very educational. :) Thanks for sharing...

6:41 PM  
Blogger Ferndoggle said...

Thank you for that very informative history lesson Joe. I think the Doofus breed is the next to be considered by the AKC for registration. I'd like them to consider Lola.


7:18 PM  
Blogger Ruby Bleu said...

Joey, My Mom is laughing so hard right now she is crying!!! That post is so true...especially in think that Tanner is of a different breed altogether!!

Lots of Licks, Ruby

7:19 PM  
Blogger Gus said...

Great post Joey...And certainly you are the epitome of gentility and refinement in those pictures. Ummm. I think that's all I should say about this. See you soon

7:32 PM  
Blogger T-man said...

Doofus must definitely be a subcategory of the Boston breed. That scary tongue face is going to give me nightmares tonight..brrrr...

7:53 PM  
Blogger vix said...


Seriously, that's like the funniest goddamned thing I've read in years, man!

8:16 PM  
Blogger leah said...



10:23 PM  
Blogger Ben_Benjamin said...

Hmmm....Joey, I think thats is kinda normal....Im waiting for the doofus breed....Its kinda NEW for me. I guess you are the founder of Doofus bread hah??

10:41 PM  
Blogger Nugget said...

Hi American Gentleman Joey,
Great pictures- once again very funny....I mean handsome.


10:56 PM  
Blogger Girl Girl Hamster said...

Oh... so Tanner might not be a real Bostan Terrier? This is confusing...

~ girl girl

2:18 AM  
Blogger Pacco de Mongrel said...

oh poor tanner r being labelled as doofus instead..

joey, ur expressive looks seems 2 b a little startled....

hail d boston breed...

2:20 AM  
Blogger Huskee Boy said...

OMGGGGG JOEYYY... were you trying to hump Tanner?? ROFL...
I agree with Ike, I have no prob. with gay dogs and will still be your friend.

2:21 AM  
Blogger wally said...

I think you are definitely the breed standard for the Boston. And it's awesome how the fighting tendency has been finely tuned in your mad karate skills/Freddie Mercury impressions.

I have never seen a dog look so dignified while humping a Coke Bear.


3:04 AM  
Blogger Jackson said...

American Gentlemen? Hehehehehe! Can you get Tanner to write about his Doofus breed? Curious to know what his qualities should be. J x

3:18 AM  
Blogger The Airechicks said...


We didn't realize that Boston's were that old of a breed....

Thank you for informing us of the your heritage....

Tanner - doofus....yes, we're with Jackson - please ask Tanner to verify the DOOFUS breed...

You might want to consider a BLOG rating of R instead of PG-13 - some of your action shots might be a have a little too much action....

But Bruce Willis would be proud of your DIE HARD attitude....

4:44 AM  
Blogger Peanut said...

Oh Joe my parents were laughing laughing at this post but I didn't see what was so funny. YOu were showing all of us how refined and dignified you were.
Thanks for the lesson. :)

5:03 AM  
Blogger Amber-Mae said...

Wahahaha! Humping humping humping...You're sooo manly Joey apart from Tadpole. I like to hump too *ahem* Yes! Hump Faith everyday! Thank you for sharing some info about you Bostons. I know you guys much better now!

Love licks,
Solid Gold Dancer

7:37 AM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Hi, Joey.
I didn't know your breed was created for fighting!
Thanks for sharing that info, but now we need to know about Tanner's breed!
Have a nice day

8:14 AM  
Blogger coco said...

thank you once again, joey, for giving me my daily laugh break!!!!!!!!

expressive! is my favoritest picture, but it's awfully hard to choose just one from this lineup of guffaw-producing shots!

what a little american gentleman you are! and a studly one at that!

a true fan, coco

8:26 AM  
Blogger Reina the Doxie said...

OMD Joey, You are so funny!
I loveeee reading your entries!
I find that gentleman picture of yours really funny. Was that poor tanner? hahahahaha

I think Boston Terrier is a really cool breed!


8:29 AM  
Blogger Frasypoo said...

I agree with you on the gentlemanly part...It may be a terrier trait since we both have that in common!! Even though my boy parts are gone I have to "hump" big toys!! Especially when we have people from church watching!!

9:26 AM  
Blogger Maggie said...

OMG that was hilarious Joey! I know even more about your breed than I knew before! hehehehe
Thanks for playing!

Love ya lots,

11:33 AM  
Blogger Stanley said...


While your post was very informative and educational, the one thing I'm definitely taking away from it is that YOU LIKE TO HUMP... JUST ABOUT ANYTHING!!

C'mon man! Tanner?? Does he even *know* what you're doing to him in that photo? You should talk to Sunshade, though. She humps her stuffies just like you do.

I'm gonna tell Tanner to WATCH HIS BACK and not bend over to pick up anything he may have dropped on the floor.

Goob love,

3:30 PM  
Blogger BLU and Comet said...

Joey, sorry to disappoint you, but 4 out of 5 veterinarians agree that the Doofus is a far superior breed to the Boston Terrier.

ps. the girl said that is neither fact nor opinion, and I'm not allowed to just make things up

8:13 PM  
Blogger Marvin - Braveheart Hound said...

Wow, your Mum is even older than my Jeannie!

1:55 AM  

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