Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Tagging myself...

Tanner did not tag me for this game but I am doing it anyway. I am not happy with him after posting that photo of my butt. He and I are not speaking right now...not that we ever really are, but I am ticked off!

1.) If I were another kind of animal I would be "The Best". A whole new species consisting of ME. Intelligent, handsome, agile, and can only reproduce with dogs named Sophie La Brador.

2.) My most-favoritest song is I'm the Man, by Anthrax. This song is not for the faint of heart, but neither is Joe Stains. Here is a sample of the lyrics:

"Fart the farts, the farts he farted
I pick my nose cuz I'm retarted
Like El Duce says "smell my anal vapor"
And wipe my butt with your..."
"Toilet paper! Yo, watch the beat!"

"I'm on your case, I'm in your face
Kick you and your father back in place
Step up sucker, understand
Don't you know,"

"I'm the man! I'm the man!
I'm bad! I'm so bad I should be in detention!
I'm the man!"

3.) If I could live anywhere in the world, I would live in the White House. Could you imagine me making stains in the Oval Office?? I think it sounds like a great idea.

4.) If I were a famous movie star or personality, I would be Donald Sutherland. He is suave, smooth, tough, handsome and intimidating. His son is also Jack Bauer on 24. If I had a son, he would definitely be as cool as Jack Bauer.

5.) I should be the spokesman for Bissell carpet cleaning products! The carpet cleaning machine we have has taken away MANY of my stains and still keeps on going.

So here is what the FRONT end of me looked like in my awesome sleeping bag. You can tell I am NOT amused!!!!!!!!!!!

41 Stains:

Blogger Asta said...

I love youw sneeping bag..ummmthat song, Mommi made me stop weading aftew the fiwst half and wouldn't let my new sissy even glance at it..but I think it suits you pawfectly...I think you should go to the White house now and stain the hooman who lives thewe
smoochi kisses

1:29 PM  
Blogger Grammie said...

Have you contacted Bissell about being their spokesdog. You have the best attitude of any cranky guy I know. I think yours is better than Pappy. He is really a cranky old guy. Have you planned revenge for Tanner for the butt shot?

1:49 PM  
Blogger Petra said...

Joey, you already ARE a movie star. You just have to be discovered so the world can enjoy YOU!

PS -- I'm working on the tagging thing.

2:11 PM  
Blogger Marvin - Braveheart Hound said...

oh you crack me up Joe! Those words in the song were so funny!

We have a Bissell cleaner here, Jeannie says she will re name it now, it is now known as the Joe Stains Bissel Beast - All Stains Known to Man and Dog Tremble in Its Wake.

thanks for making us laugh!

Marv xxxxxx

2:52 PM  
Blogger Two Wild and Crazy Guyz said...

Oh Joe, what an angry song! Hope you're really not quite that angry!
Like your little sleeping bag. Where did your mom find that?
Ozzie & Rocky's Mom

3:04 PM  
Blogger Sophie Brador said...

Did you know that Donald Sutherland is Canadian? Some of my mom's friends from her school days went to school with his kids ... Kiefer and Rachel, but she's never met any of them. But we think you are on a Canadian kick. First me, then Donald. What's next?


3:17 PM  
Blogger Maggie & Mitch said...

We love your collar, Joey and we think that you living in the oval office is a GREAT idea!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

3:39 PM  
Blogger Ruby Bleu said...

Hey if you live in the oval office, can I be your secretary of state or something...I think we would have loads of fun!!!

You look so great in your sleeping bag...that Sophie is one lucky lady!!!

Lots of Licks, Ruby

3:46 PM  
Blogger Suki Sumo said...

That butt pic was okay, because your butt is cute. That song is so funny. Bwahahah!

4:21 PM  
Blogger Deefor said...

An oval stain for the oval office. You already are the Bissell ad man! My mom is making a note of that for our little stainer.


5:38 PM  
Blogger Agatha and Archie said...

OK the Oval Office is a GREAT idea. PL2 said we dont have a bissell because we dont have any carpets but we have LOADS of the stuff in the white and red bottle that she uses quite a bit also. And I can't get Archie to stop dancing around the house banging his head on the wall after seeing that song. He thinks he is at a rave.Love A+A

5:57 PM  
Blogger Balboa & Mommy said...

I like that song, I'm gonna sing it all day dude.

Frenchie Snorts

6:03 PM  
Blogger Balboa & Mommy said...

I like that song, I'm gonna sing it all day dude.

Frenchie Snorts

6:03 PM  
Blogger Super Boy & Baby-Licious said...

The song lyrics is so funny. We never heard of this song but we will try to find it .

Love Boy n Baby

6:06 PM  
Blogger Bentley & Niko said...

we are jealous of your sleeping bag, we hope mom figures out a way to get one of those or make the weather warmer soon.

7:05 PM  
Blogger Luckie Girl said...

Hey Joey,
I think you'll make even better stains that that ex president fellow who left some other type of stains in the white house the other time. Hmm....LOL!!

7:48 PM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Hi, Joe!
You did a great job tagging yourself and giving all those answers!
Specially the first one!
Funny song!
Kisses and hugs

8:45 PM  
Anonymous chiyo said...

ooooh that is one badass song! hee hee.. don't sing it in front of Tanner though, he'll pick up all those words and use them all the time!


9:45 PM  
Blogger Comet and BLU said...

I thought that Tanner would have picked that song. You seem to suave and debonair to like such a crude song. I like the little bones on your collar.

10:17 PM  
Blogger Holly said...

I like your list better!!! And that pic of you is way better!


10:43 PM  
Blogger Patience-please said...

Maybe we could have a secret pawty in the current administration's Awful Office and have it be the biggest DWB pawty EVER and we could all leave messages in the form of stains??? And Wally could leave a big W stain and a message the W STANDS FOR WALLY AND IT'S PRONOUNCED DOUBLE YOU AND IT's NUCLEAR NOT NUCULAR..

oops we got carried away-
the whippets

10:55 PM  
Blogger Amber-Mae said...

Hahahaha! That song is soooooo FUNNY! That song reminds me of Tanner, right? Hehehe!

Love licks,
Solid Gold Dancer

12:01 AM  
Blogger MJ's doghouse said...

wow joe really really look cross in that kinda puts a little tingle in my heart

1:14 AM  
Blogger Girl Girl Hamster said...

Is there really such a song Joey? Haa.. I think you'll be a pawsome best animal. :)
You look so cozy in your bed

~ Girl girl

1:59 AM  
Blogger Simba said...

What great answers. I must show Fat fat Daddy that song.

Simba xx

2:11 AM  
Blogger Cassidy said...

Does that be a real song? It be a bit rude! Me is blushing!

Cassidy x

2:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joe that song is hilarious and somehow I feel it suits you perfectly!!


3:37 AM  
Blogger Pacco de Mongrel said...

oh u feel cramp being in there??

6:04 AM  
Blogger Snowball said...

I love all your answers. They suited you perfectly.


7:24 AM  
Blogger Murphey said...

I'm telling you, that is why I won't let Reilly post anything, he would try to make me look bad!

Oh and the lady said to tell your Mom that the cool dog bed was a gift so she has no idea where they got it, but she likes it cause it "matches" our living room, Umm, okay...


8:06 AM  
Blogger Boo said...

joey, i can imagine you staining the big white house! i wonder if it's white everywhere in there.

wet wet licks


8:13 AM  
Blogger Hammer said...

Hi Joe
I don't blame you .. brothers can be pains.
You look cute with your head tucked in your blanket.
Have a great weekend.
Love from Hammer

8:28 AM  
Blogger Zorra said...

Hi Joey, I asked my mommie to get me a sleepy bag like yours. When Tanner gets to close, just fart in his face.

We think you are pretty cool for being a spokesman for the Bissel company. Sam sure makes a lot of stains around here, and my mom is out to get him when he gets back home.

10:36 AM  
Blogger -The Mullin Clan's Mommy- said...

Yur a riot, Joey! We're back to posting again. Mommy has been going thru a rough time at the start of the New Year & hasn't felt up to turning on the puter. Got to ask ya - how do you feel about the Stillers losing in the play-offs? Daddy & our girl, Erin, were yelling & screaming at the TV (like the Stillers could hear them!). But they did try a great comback at the 2nd half of the game. Just not good enuf at the end though. Oh well, there is always the next futball season.
Talks to ya soon,
-Cosmos & Juneau-

Pee Ess: Hey Joey, aren't bruthers annoying?!?! -C-

10:43 AM  
Blogger Martha said...

Joey, your animal choice is one of the greatest answers evah! I'll have to remember that answer. ;) Love, Martha

10:46 AM  
Blogger Clover said...

Hi Joe!
Cute picture in the sleeping bag! (You looked tough as well, of course.) That song sounds pretty funny! And I can just see you in the White House, I think you would have fun there!
Love Clover xo

12:41 PM  
Blogger Ike said...

I liked the fart song.

5:33 PM  
Blogger Scuba the Muscle Boy said...

Hello Joe

I love your song, I love your collar, I love your post.

I love the idea of the White House (loads of space to run around)


3:14 AM  
Blogger Jackson said...

Hehehe, I'm still laughing at the Anthrax song lyrics! J x

9:21 AM  
Blogger Marvin - Braveheart Hound said...

Joe, we love your blog as you know, so we have awarded you The Thinking Blogger Award, in tribute to your stoicism in the face of doofusness.

Check out my Blog when you get a mo.

love and licks, from Marvin in Frosty, cold but sunny Scotland.xxxxxx

9:46 AM  
Blogger Stanley said...

Ahh, Joey!

I LOVE that photo, and your sleeping bag.

You are definitely one bad motha, Joe, and your choice of song definitely reflects that.

I really think you should take Grammie's advice and contact Bissell about the spokespup gig. You'd be awesome!

Goober love,

4:19 PM  

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