Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Tuesday, December 09, 2008


WHATSSSSSSSSUPPPPPPPPP people????? I got a little something to share with you dudes. MY PARENTS ARE A$$HOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is why...So like I eat REAL fast, cus that food might GO somewhere if I don't hurry the heck up and eat it! So this dude emails my Mom and says I have this TORTURE device that will make that dog eat slower. So you know what my Mom said, OK WE WILL TRY IT. WTF?!?!??!!!!

Look at these evil things...

SO like this is our dinner...

Its got some green beans, yogurt, our suppermints, and some of that dog food.

So this is how I eat it...

WHAT is so WRONG with that OMGAAAWD? Seriously??? MOm said its VERY bad for my tummy to eat that fast and that I swallow too much air going in and tooo much air going in means TOO much air coming OUT. WTF does that mean???? She also said it can make me BARF eating that fast. So that took like about 1 minute right... so then the next day this happens...

She puts my foodables in that torture device and then watch this, if you CAN ITS VERY SAD!!

Tanner and the new Dog Pause Bowl from Rhonda on Vimeo
OMGAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWD it took me like 2.5 minutes to eat that food and MOM had to hand the camera to dad to stir her OWN dinner because it took me so long and JOEY had to finish his dinner without me STARING at him cuz I finished way before him and I KNOW it made him VERY sad :(

So are you wondering what this torture thing is called?? It is called a Dog Pause Bowl. Mom wants to talk about it now...argghhhh...

I really liked the bowl and it did slow Tanner down quite a bit, which is so much healthier for him. I just need to figure out a way to keep it from sliding all over the place, and keep Tanner from spinning it all over the kitchen!! Ok back to Tanner he has more to share...

So since you can see in that photo up there we got TWO of those torture bowls Mom said I can give ONE away! You get the blue one since I already eated out of that RED one. OH and Joey doesn't need one becuse he eats like a slow old man and never HORKS after he eats like some dog Mom said is named Tanner. DUnno him, I am TAN TORKELSON!

ANYWAY if you want to win that blue torture bowl all you have to do is leave a comment with the BEST HORKING (barfing, puking, throwing up) story you've got then we will pick a random winner.

40 Stains:

Blogger Ozzie, Rocky and Lola said...

OMD! I had to lay down and rest before Tanner was through eating his dinner! I don't know how you can stand that Tannerooskie! It was torture just watching....

8:02 PM  
Blogger NAK and The Residents of The Khottage Now With KhattleDog! said...

Do they really just feed woo once a week?

I khan't imagine eating like that -

It is DINING not inhaling!


8:37 PM  
Blogger Toby said...

OMD, What on earth was your Mom thinking?!?!?! I think it's so super cool that you are able to inhale your food and then make gassy stuff! Er, Mom says it's not cool (what does she know?).

I'm a picky fussy eater (mom's words, not mine), so I don't need a bowl like that... BUT.... I have some advise for yah!

Use your nose, paws or whatever you can think of and FLIP that torture bowl over. Then you can inhale the food off the ground!

(Don't let your mom know I told you that).


8:47 PM  
Blogger Lacy said...

w00f's Boys, me iz not a fast eater either, unless me helpin the mama and daddy eat what they got..

b safe,

8:51 PM  
Blogger Lorenza said...

Hi, Tanner!
I can see what is in my near future!
We got and email from that person and my mom said YES!
Wish me luck!
Kisses and hugs

9:48 PM  
Blogger Peanut said...

Mom says she needs two of those. One for me and one for Flash. I once horked into my mom's hand. Well she put her hand in front of my face because she was going to check out if I had something in my mouth and hork there it was all in her hand. hahahahahaha it was great.

10:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a Boston Terrier (I am NOT making this up!), and I love reading your blog. I have one too - Let's be blog buddies, or bloggerinos, or bloggos, or whatever the term is. (Bostobloggobuddies?!)

11:23 PM  
Blogger Huskee and Hershey said...

I am fairly sure I don't need the torture device cos I am a slow eater. I like to enjoy every morsel.. like fine dining , you know. But, I am hoping to win it for Hershey cos the silly pup eats real fast and barfs up her food after 5 mins. It pi$$es the mom off cos all the food she's prepared had gone to waste and she had to clean up the yucky barf.. (and this saga normally happens just when mom is eating her own dinner, so cleaning up Hershey's mess just puts her off her food!)..
Gee.. the guy who came out with that contraption must hate dogs..

11:25 PM  
Blogger Simba and Jazzi said...

It takes me forever to eat my dinner, if I can be bothered to eat at all. I shed a tear watching that video.

Simba x

2:15 AM  
Blogger Pug(s) and Bugg said...

You know this story, but hearing it again is enough to make ME barf... Sophie pukes about once a week... and this bowl would help us... because we all know what Dixie does when I don't get the puke cleaned up quickly enough (as in TWO SECONDS)... she eats it. BARF EWWWW. Please refer to this entry for further details.

-Kelly (pugs and bugg's mom)

6:29 AM  
Blogger Gus said...

Well, I eat too fast too, and sometimes I run right outside to eat grass and everything comes back up, unchewed, undigested.

But the best time to barf is about 3:00 am. I try to wait until there is only one hooman home, like, usually when Dad leaves town. (because it is fun to hear muzzer retch as she cleans it up) Last time I did that was about a month ago. While muzzer is trying to clean up the mess (oh, yeah, I do it in a couple of spots) Teka tries to get to the big chunks before muzzer cleans them up.

Last time dad was gone I was in great form! It was so disgusting that muzzer made her own contribution.

Then me and Teka had a real fight to see who got the muzzer chunks.

I get happy just thinkin about it.


7:12 AM  
Blogger Balboa said...

I'd like to know what idiot created that torture bowl. I agree with Toby flip the bowl over!!!!!

Frenchie Snorts

7:49 AM  
Blogger Petra said...

I eat very fast, too, but I get smll, skimpy, tiny amount of food that there isn't enough to barf up, so I don't qualify for this prize.

8:36 AM  
Blogger Ruby Bleu said...

Hey, my Mom gots those torture bowls for me too...but I haven't tried it yet.

Lots of Licks, Ruby

9:02 AM  
Blogger Urban Smoothie Read said...

i wonder whose that dude who came up with this product... totally unnecessary...

my mum usually ask me to eat fast, becoz when she feeds me boring food, i take my own sweet time to eat it

9:18 AM  
Blogger Lady Kaos said...

We got the email from that guy, too! Luckily nobody in our house eats fast like you so Mom told him we were really bad test subjects. Mom liked the design though. After watching you, I don't think I'd like it at all! Hopefully you can figure out a way to get back to eating normal.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Stella said...

Woooo, Tan . . .Slowing down is a good thing for you, whether you think so or not. I get about the same thing you do, kibbil, yogurt, green stuff, yellow stuff, all very tasty. Sometimes I even save 9 pieces of kibble for later on. Its just nice to have there when you want a little something and you don't have to ask. It might also help you to keep your pudgyness down a bit.



9:29 AM  
Blogger The Puppies said...

Tanner i am so sorry for you!!! I like to snarf my food down too really really fast (because who knows if Opal or Marshall would want to eat my food if i was slow, right?- and they DO need to have a BT staring at them as they finish theirs off!!!) Mom says i don't really need this bowl because i am on an diet and unfortunately am starved so there wouldn't be enough food to put in the separate compartments (thank DOG!). But i like to wait until i am in bed with mom and dad, usually between dad's legs, and hork... it wakes him up and then he jumps out of bed, yells at mom to turn the light on, cleans himself off, and then they have to change the sheets and go sleep in the guestroom! It is so much fun (except for the actual puking part).

11:02 AM  
Blogger Sophie Brador said...

Yo, Torkelson. The best thing about that bowl is that scarfin' noise you make when you eat. You made it with the other bowl too, but now you make it more.


12:23 PM  
Blogger Sophie Brador said...

Oh, and tell your mom to put that bowl on a piece of cork.


12:23 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

We saw those kind of bowls used by Victoria Stilwell, so you are very trendy Tanner. Even if you are very frustrated. If it makes you feel better, it's worth it. Madison eats very daintily, crunching each piece of kibble and taking her time. We aren't showing her the photos of your dinner, though. She will get jealous and go on strike. OMG that looked delicious. PS we laughed OUT LOUD reading the comments, especially the one posted by GUS. hahahahahahahhahaha

1:36 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

PSS Sophie, did you say "CORK?" We are thinking ... dessert!

1:38 PM  
Blogger Dexter said...

Dexter here!

Tanner, I can appreciate your frustration. I have to eat out of a similar torture device called a "Break Fast" bowl (those humans really think they are so funny). Even though it slows me down, the giant beastie still takes longer than me to finsih a meal.

I made momma put mine on a mat in the corner so it wouldn't go all over the kitchen. I mean, come on.

Anyway, you are in for it now, pal, because I don't think they will ever let you go back to a normal dog now that they have labeled you as a special needs guy. Just be sure to hide the bowl when your friends come over so they don't think you're a total doofus (oh, wait a minute, you are a doofus! hee hee)

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brothers, what next? Something to make you 'go' faster? We say hide the frigging thing, put it under the hood of their car and let it melt under the heat of the Arizona sun. OR, bury the bastard!
Plus you should only be eating from ceramic, glass or stainless steel bowls. You don't want your noses turning PINK.
XOX Sally and Rufus

3:04 PM  
Blogger Aggie said...

Wow Tanner what a bowl. My mom had to get me a bowl like that because I was just like you, I ate way to fast, then I farted all night long. You need to get a bowl that has rubber on the bottom so that it will not slide on the floor. I also try to push my bowl around because I thought I could fling the food out of the bowl, but I can't fling the food when there is rubber on the bottom.

Happy "SLOW" eating!!!

Sloppy Licks,


3:12 PM  
Blogger Murphey said...

Dude, Reilly eats like that too, then he stares and stares at me while I finish, drives me crazy. The lady is going to try one that is kinda like that, but she had to put rubber on teh bottom to keep it from flying around the kitchen while Mr. Fancy Pants Reilly licks it to get every stinkin last possible particle of food.


3:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OOo what a neato bowl! Okay well I wouldn't like it but when the when the shelties Chip and Glitter come to stay with us, they inhale their food so fast they don't enjoy it! We eat raw and dehydrated and we have to take a while to lick it all up and the Mum stands and watches and smiled.

Tell your Mum to get you some Honest Kitchen to mix in your kibble and that will slow you down better!

3:30 PM  
Blogger wally said...


Screw these bowls. I think you and I should enter our brudders into speed eating competitions. My ma ape thought I ate fast. She had no idea. The O-man can CHOW DOWN with the best of 'em, even Tan Horkelson.

wally t

4:39 PM  
Blogger Joey said...

HC said I HAD to win this bowl cos I got gastritis from overeating and fast-eating...
but like Tanner - I don't want that torture bowl. :(

5:51 PM  
Blogger Snowball said...

I think that new bowl must be some how torturing to you, Tanner. btw, the 2nd video dun work.

I dun need a bowl like that too. without it, it already took me about 5 minutes to finish my meal and I am eating home cooked food. I will post a video of my eating one day and you see what I mean. hee...


7:03 PM  
Blogger The Army of Four said...

Maybe they'll give you MORE of your supper=dupper that way. Woo.

7:24 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

The mom says get sum of those rubber stuffs they sell that goes under plants or chairs under da bowl. We jus dun understand why woofies eat so fast anyway. But Tanner we has to say WAY TO GO dats impressive!!

7:39 PM  
Blogger Sunny,Scooter, (sometimes Jamie) said...

We don't have a need for that bowl, Tan. But I am here for another reason. I am taking up law(watch Boston Legal with Mom all the time) ahem. Anyway, I have noticed a disturbing trend of abuse and neglect going on with my fellow canines-uh-dogs, Tanner.
This looks like a clear case of mental abuse to me. So, after the holidays, I will be taking clients on, and bringing justice. Let me know if you wish me to add you to my client list. That bowl looks as though is is pure torture for you and the law has remedies for that.
Uh-Tanner we'll try to get back your old bowl. That's what I'm sayin.
Sunny Canine atty. (DOG lawyer Tan)

7:41 PM  
Blogger The Black and Tans. said...

If Tanner does not like the bowl tell him to do what Taffy does........tip the bowl over and eat the food from the floor. He says it tastes much nicer!!!!!


3:15 AM  
Blogger Duke said...

Mitch has a bowl sort of like that one and it doesn't slow him down that much! We can sure feel your frustration though, Tanner!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

3:55 AM  
Blogger Cassidy said...

I eat like a gannet too Tannerand it makes me sicky sometimes. Mummy tried putting a ball in my bowl, but I just take it out before I start to eat,tee hee!

My best puking was when I did it at the back door. It went all over the door mat, the curtains and all down the skirting boards. Daddy had to take the skirting boards off and replace them as they were all soggy and stinky! I only did it by the back door as I was home alone and was trying to get to the garden. See, I was trying to be a good girl!

Cassidy x

4:19 AM  
Blogger Lacey said...

That's very nice of you to try to give away your torture bowl, but we don't want that thing!!!!

10:27 PM  
Blogger Patience-please said...

Our best hurka-hurka story is when the Servant tried feeding raw. Special-in-the-head Luciano was out in the yard after eating raw chicken, when the servants' non-dog-owning friends arrived to go out to dinner. Looch hurked the whole raw mess at their feet, and then commenced to re-eat it. Oooh we can still hear the woman's screams!!! Looch rocks!!!

wags from the whippets

11:07 AM  
Blogger Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Gus typed bout muzzer chunks...I so think I'm going to barf just thinkin' bout it....BOL! (For some reason, Mumsie's dyin' laughin' not funny!!


BTW, we had BOTH of ur videos on at the same sounded like feedin' time at the zooooooo!!!

OH MY...I hafta go lie down with a cold compress....


7:43 AM  
Blogger bagel said...

bagel here. Really enjoys reading your blog, your 2 dogs are so cute and funny :D anw we don't need the bowl but just thought to share some really gross barfing stories that i'm sure bagel is real proud of.

when bagel was a puppy, she ran head on into a glass door and got dizzy and barfed. But her barf was too precious/yummy that she couldn't bear to let it leave her mouth but promptly swallowed it back up.

Bagel is also a reknowned coprophage. Once she ate so much poo (both hers and other dogs) she barfed up poo. And it came from both ends too. :S

8:04 AM  

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