Joe Stains

This is the blog of an angry old boston terrier. (and his little brother Tanner who gets to post every Tuesday)

Friday, February 29, 2008

I am honored to present this award....

We have been inspired by all of the great awards we get (that Mom is ever so lazy and slacking on posting about) to create a new award. This award is to be presented to a dog who is staining in the footsteps of the Stain Master, ya that is me, Joe Stains.

Some may wonder how a dog of such obvious distinction and intelligence could ever get stuck with a name that clearly implies bad behavior. Well, as my 9th birthday approaches I think its time to share with you all the story of why I am, and forever will be known as, Joe Stains.

When I was first brought home to live with my Dad my Mom was not my Mom because she hadn't rescued my Dad yet. Dad didn't really think that disciplining a young, handsome, awesome, wonderful terrier was really necessary. Therefore I was allowed to let my creative juices flow, so to speak. I mastered the art of the well placed pee stain, the perfectly orchestrated carpet crap and my 'piece de resistance' the paw print poo stains all over the back of the front door. I would leave poos under the front window of my grandparent's house so much that stains developed. Then a name developed and I was officially Joseph Stains. I would have probably become the most renowned pee and poo artist in history had fate not stepped in, and by fate I mean my Mom. Mom thought peeing and pooing on the floor was NOT art and was NOT how a dog should behave. A movement was soon brought to a screeching halt. (pun TOTALLY intended) Do not fear, I still get the itch and have to show my family my fabulous art skills, to remind them of what they have robbed the world of. I usually only do an exhibition about once a year.

That being said, all dogs need to let their inner artist out every once in a while, which is why we created the award. The first recipient of the Stain Award goes to



Here is your award.
stain award

This is a snippet of what transpired that made him the first recipient of the Stain Award.

"When she got home, she found that someone had peed on the new rug in the kitchen and not just a little pee. Keep in mind that a few days before, he ate his own crap and barfed it up, and the only way our dad knew it was barf was because it had green beans in it."

FABULOUS my friend. Bravo and congratulations!!!

32 Stains:

Blogger Lorenza said...

Hi, Joe!
I read Ike's post and sure he deserves this award!
Congratulations to him!
Kisses and hugs

9:33 PM  
Blogger Jen and Suki said...

Oh boy. Let's just say it's a good thing we have hardwood floors and DARK rugs around our house!! Ikes and Joe, this one's for you.

10:06 PM  
Blogger Ian said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11:12 PM  
Blogger Emily and Ike said...

Wow, I am speechless. I think I will go take a dump somewhere.

11:13 PM  
Blogger Stanley said...


This is why I LOVE YOU, MAN! You are not part of that erudite stuck up art crowd, but of the ilk that lives to give to the world... of your art and of your heart!

This is probably one of the most coveted awards on the internets. I can only hope that someday I may be on your wall of fame!

Goober love & smooches,

Pee Ess
Can't wait for Joey Palooza!

11:24 PM  
Blogger MJ's doghouse said...

gosh joey...i guess this is one award that i wont be upset if i dont get boys are

11:35 PM  
Blogger Sophie Brador said...

Woah! That is something I can only dream of. I am so lacking in the staining department that I came housebroken, even as an eight week old pup.... or however old I was. I have never ever gone in my house. I've only ever gone once inside and it was at a Canadian Tire store, which is kind of like a really lame Walmart. My mom is secretly proud of that.


12:25 AM  
Blogger Simba and Jazzi said...

Mummy says she feels sick now. She is such a light weight. I'd love to come and sniff your art work. What a great award and well earned.

Simba x

1:50 AM  
Blogger Kyanite said...

Hi Joe,

I've often viisted you but not introduced my-self by commenting!
But, hearing news of your new award over @ WFT Sams, and reading this post, I LOL so much I thought I should say 'Hallo' @ last!

Pats & pets

2:37 AM  
Blogger Lola Smiles said...

lmao, Joe, I'll pass on the stain award. My huuuuuuuman thinks I already pee&poo like a horse. Not a good scene in the house if you know what I mean.

but it's a great idea for all those who like to stain! Yeah, baby!!!

luv ya,
Lola Smiles

6:13 AM  
Blogger Amber-Mae said...

Ooooh, so that was how you got your name, Joseph Stains. I like it a lot! That's a great award for YOU!!!

Love licks,
Solid Gold Dancer

6:29 AM  
Blogger Mack said...

You are the master. I have so much to learn from you.

Ike clearly deserves this award.
You two are true artists.

7:35 AM  
Blogger Teka Toy said...

woohoo...I am the peemaster in this house, Gussie is too much of a goody four shoes to pee on the floor. But sometimes when I bite his ear in just the right place, it happens. Then his muzzer gets mad at HIM! hahaha

Teka Toy
the True Terrier

8:05 AM  
Blogger Peanut said...

Oh congrats to Ike. He deserves it.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Ike truly deserve that award. He did a great job!

Boy n Baby

8:59 AM  
Blogger Ruby Bleu said...

I did always wonder how you got your name!! Say I can't think of any dog more deserving than Ike!!


Lots of licks, Ruby

9:20 AM  
Blogger Duke said...

OMG, how do you think up this stuff, Joe?! I, Miss Maggie, will NEVER be the recipient of this award but I can't speak for Mitch!
Congrats to Ike! We read his posting this morning and he totally deserves it! hehehehe

Love ya lots,

10:07 AM  
Blogger Duke said...

I am totally in awe of both of you, Joe and Ike! Please send me any valueable information that you can! You guys rock!

Yer friend,

10:08 AM  
Blogger The Army of Four said...

"Movement". Hee hee hee! Joe, you're so punny! Hee hee hee!

10:30 AM  
Blogger Moco said...

This deserves a great big pile of poo right where someone will step on it. This is better than one of those Nobel prizes for being smart or peaceful.

10:35 AM  
Blogger Poppy said...

What a great award! I myself am a master of the poo stain. I do it just about every day!


10:50 AM  
Blogger Agatha and Archie said...

Oh we are SOOOO in line for this award!!!! We have territorial pees,pees because you are a jerk, pees because that is MY bed,pees because that is MY toy ..We could go on and on!!! We are really going to try to win tis COVETED award!!! Love A+A

5:58 PM  
Blogger Ozzie, Rocky and Lola said...

Stainmaster Carpets should be paying royalties to you dude!
Ozzie & Rocky

8:42 PM  
Blogger Rudy said...

Aw, you the man with that awesome award! I'd like to nominate our Rags as the next recipient, although his is mainly the #1 kind of stain. He's no match for you however.

"We're not worthy!"

11:28 PM  
Blogger Lacy said...

woofies Joey and Tanner...well now, me dont gesses me will ever git dis awarwd...sumtimes me pp's in da bed, but poo goes outside or on me papaer, unless me dont move my butt all da way on dat paper den it goes in da floor...

b safe,

12:21 AM  
Blogger Khady Lynn said...

Great award!!! I can't wait to see who all gets it!!


12:31 AM  
Blogger BrandytheGreat said...

Cool story, Joe!!
Maybe you would like to hold an exhibtion anytime soon over here?

4:24 AM  
Blogger Jackson's J1 and J2 said...

Ike is a hero! But we can only dream of scaling your dizzy heights of staining, Joe! Jx

5:16 AM  
Blogger wally said...

I believe that only Ike is worthy of the first Stains award. Well done!


1:36 PM  
Blogger Patience-please said...


wags from the whippets

7:44 PM  
Blogger Petra said...

I think Ike is very deserving of this distinctive award.

11:03 AM  
Blogger Lenny said...

Thanks for telling us about your name, Joe! Nice going, Ike!

Your friend, Lenny

12:25 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home